Pandemic Blues Review

 

5.0 out of 5 stars

 I could barely put this book down!

Reviewed in the United States on August 21, 2023

I was immediately drawn in to Kayla’s words and experiences. This book showed me I wasn’t alone in my pandemic blues, and Kayla was able to put words to many of the same thoughts and feeling I had. A great read, with engaging photos. Highly recommend!

Kate

Pandemic Blues Review

Kaileigh O.

5.0 out of 5 stars A Beautiful, Heartfelt Journey from the COVID-19 Pandemic

Reviewed in the United States on September 19, 2023
Kaileigh O.

Pandemic Blues is a heartfelt journey through the rollercoaster of emotions that was the COVID-19 pandemic. Kayla Garnet Rose captures the essence of those times with her beautiful collection of poetry, prose, letters, and photographs.

Reading this book felt like revisiting a period of lockdowns, long walks, and virtual friendships. It beautifully encapsulates the sense of isolation and the moments of connection we find in unexpected places, like chalk art and free libraries.

What I loved most about this book is how it resonates with the collective experience of living through such a tumultuous time - the impeachment, infections, and insurrections. Kayla Garnet Rose's words provide a sense of comfort, reminding us that we were not alone in our pandemic blues.

As a 27-year-old woman, I found solace in the pages of this book, knowing that others felt the same way I did during those challenging days. It's a poignant reminder of our shared humanity, and I highly recommend it to anyone looking to reflect on the past and find hope for the future.

Life After the Pandemic

The scunge

More sponge

More dishes

Less leftovers

No lunches

Or brunches

More dust

Less fuss

Less impulse buys

When going out for supplies

Less sweeping

Housekeeping

Everything else is the same

Corruption, riots.

Protests, my resist

Momentary Sensations

Something Visible in the Distance

Up close is the cat, who meowed until I scooped her onto my lap. Of course, there's my journal, my blues ceramic mug with a white moon. I feel myopic at the moment. I'm very contained in the study, lace curtains offer privacy without sacrificing the light, a poster of a redwood tree gives me more inspiration to create a more far-reaching vision. Maybe in the distance I see myself doing Reiki again, here at the house or renting a space at the acupuncture clinic up the street at the Palm center. Maybe I see myself driving to Eugene to visit Amber, passing Mount Shasta which rises from the mist. Sometimes I see my parents' death, or Chips', or mine, but I don't like to look for too long. I take off my glasses. I have been nearsighted most of my life, and enjoy the fuzzy, more gentle view of my particular bubble of the moment.

Quest for vision

Noises

Poppy's purr is an everyday noise. She purrs at the drop of a hat, constantly, it doesn't matter if it's 3:00 in the morning, she hums to herself, soothing and comforting.

I hear the trash trucks, which in my mind I refer to as the wheezing of the dinosaurs, groans of metal and sighs of the compactors, a brief acceleration between houses.

Now there's the turning of the page, the particular click of this particular pen, different from my usual sharpie which glides silently across the page. 

I hear Chips' tap tap tapping on the computer keyboard. There's no letters on it, which simply amazes me that he can touch type that well. A familiar staccato as he does whatever it is that he does on the computer, trading investments, making copious notes. In the distance, I hear a bird singing, probably in the Chinese Elm outside my window, as well as the neighbor's voice hoarse from calling his cat who, most likely, is hiding underneath my lilac bush.

Smell

We had another skunk last night do their due diligence outside on the deck. Not as bad as when the first time June got sprayed. Poor thing, she jumped in the bedroom window and instantly I knew. I put her in the hall and shut the door, it was probably 4:30 in the morning, thinking I'd deal with it later. After a few minutes I got up, took her downstairs, peruse the internet for solutions. 

I was out of hydrogen peroxide which had worked well the last time combined with baking soda. Both the little corner store and Safeway would not open till 8:00 a.m. I made a concoction of white vinegar and baking soda, locked her in the bathroom and proceeded to start wiping her with a washcloth dipped into the red foot bath bucket again and again. I was amazed at how patient she was, I hope it felt like a big tongue licking her clean. She must be so affronted, with her kitty sensibilities. 

At 8:00 in the morning, Chip went to the little store and scored a bottle of H2O2. Safeway has been out for weeks, because of the pandemic and people making their own hand sanitizer. It took almost a month for the lingering scent to finally disperse from her black and orange and white thick fur. Now she smells like my sweet cat again.

Hot

Back when I was living in Luxembourg, we got our first electric stove. "Is this hot?" I asked and put my full palm down on the burner. I must have been around 10 years old, I remember my mom just grabbing my arm and putting my hand under the cool kitchen tap water. The cold was as bad as the heat. There is a reason why now I prefer having a gas stove.

Now I struggle with hot flashes,four years to menopause. Not as bad as before, but still I turn the fan on 3, 4, 5 times a night, let the cool breeze evaporate the sweat from between my breasts, radiating off my thighs, caught in my armpits. Chip will come to bed later, put his freezing cold hands on the back of my neck, my shoulders and I get some relief. Both he and the cats want to snuggle, but I'm overwhelmed, I feel trapped like being in a too tight sleeping bag. I tried to fake myself to go back to sleep, but more often than not I just get up with the sound of the trash trucks, rationalizing I can always take a nap later, even though I rarely do.

A Moment of Sweetness

Today we had a very lunch late lunch at the Mission Ranch in Carmel Valley. We sat at one of the little teak tables and played Flux, a very challenging card game where the rules change every single draw. 

Chip had the most amazing ribs while I enjoyed the goat cheese with sesame crackers. As I looked past the grazing sheep, the ocean much beyond, I noticed a gray hair gentleman who was clearly enjoying his just desserts as he spread the whipped frosting over the little bun and popped it into his mouth with so much relish. 

A moment later he glanced over and we made eye contact. I smiled deeply, grateful to have masks on, it was a sweet moment. I glanced back down at the ocean to give him his space. 

Time went on, we paid the waitress and tipped the server with the tiger's eye bracelets. As I walked past the gentleman's table, I said I noticed you've savoring your dish. He perked right up, blue eyes twinkling and had so much to share, more with Chip than I. That's when I realized that he was eating baked potato skins with bacon which he was smothering in sour cream, so what I thought was a sweet delicacy was actually a savory dish.

   

How To Love This World

It's easy to get caught up in the news

Easy to feel those Covid-19 Blues 

Too easy to keep scrolling down

Just two muscles needed to frown

When it takes forty-three to actually smile

But who wants to go that extra mile?

So remember to turn off the phone,

Computer, and TV, really just be alone

Notice the wind rustling spring green

Smell the ocean salt in the breeze

Feel the sun on your cheek, be aware of the shade

Squirrels in the shadows, wren eggs are laid 

And explosion of lilac by the Thai lime tree

Orange crocosmia, weeds struggle to be free

The friendly neighbor, chatting over the fence

Succulents packed together, lush and dense 

Having the time to simply unwind and unfurl

The fern's fronds come out of hibernation's curl

Across the street young folks it on the porch

The next generation to hopefully carry the torch

So smile and wave, be a part of the solution

Come on and join in the kindness revolution

Starting with yourself, forgive and forget

Hold on to the sweetness, let go of regret

Remember to be present, to simply be here

Fill your body with hope, dispel the fear

If there's food in the fridge, share your table 

Help your elders when you are able

By paying Scotty to mow Anita's lawn

Pulling back the curtains everyday to greet the dawn

Petting the black cat, give her whiskers a twirl

These are some ways to simply love the world.

Day 23 - Crossroads

Here I am, at the crossroads again,

Wondering if I should go left or go right?

Maybe go forward, see what's just  around the bend,

The road behind me is already out of sight.

I can consult a map, turn on my GPS,

Ask at the gas station for direction,

Acknowledge my mistake, take responsibility for the mess,

But sometimes getting lost leads to introspection.

So I sit on a bench and watch traffic fly by,

The lights twinkling red, yellow, and green.

No need to wonder how and when will I die,

Just feeling alive in the moment and quite serene.

Down to the ocean, or up to the redwood trees?

All roads lead to Rome, at least that's what they say.

I'll follow the sunset, the sounds in the spring breeze,

Because I know there's always a roundabout way...

Vaccination Vignettes

Biden's healthcare rolls across the nation,

Essential workers all staff their station,

The pandemic certainly has not been any staycation! 

Still I wonder when I'll get my vaccination,

Got them there's no appointment blues ...

Everyday, every morning I go online, 

Hoping for a shot, but none do I find, 

PAMF, Sutter, Kaiser are all in a bind 

Not enough doses for both yours and mine...

Got them lack of resources blues...

Moderna, Johnson & Johnson, even Pfizer,

Will modern medicine make us any wiser?

Trickle down economics reveals the true miser,

I think right now we could all use a tranquilizer.

Got them mRNA blues...

Then there's the anti-vaxxers who refuse to believe,

Add them to the list of my new pet peeves,

Myself, I'm ready to roll up my sleeves,

Rather get a shot then go on sick leaves.

Got them old-fashioned conspiracy blues...

I'm willing to feel ill after a second dose,

Not sure if my first appointment is even close,

My last flu shot left me feeling really gross,

But better than ending up medically comatose.

Got them Corona virus blues...

My husband's had his shots, so has my dad, 

Both of these makes my heart really glad,

Folks who choose not to vaccinate make me feel sad,

If only this pandemic was simply a passing fad,

Got them heard immunity blues...

Because I'm concerned about my health,

It's my biggest investment, my personal wealth,

I get up at midnight to go under stealth,

Maybe it would be easier if I lived in a Commonwealth...

Got them can't seem to get an appointment blues...

How to make a Time Capsule

How to make a Time Capsule

Find the blue paisley jewelry pouch, the one that is trimmed in white lace and lined in purple satin, that has all the clever little pockets inside.

Fill it with the ephemera of five decades, starting with your oldest possession: the tiny grey porcelain owl with the bright yellow eyes from when the summer you were five, living in Virginia. Add in the sterling silver heart on it's fine serpentine chain, a gift from Dad when you were nine living in rainy Luxembourg.

Next, the silver cuff bracelets - the thinnest you bought when you were 15 at Tyson's Corner Mall when you moved to Maryland. Then the heavy Celtic knotwork from your first paycheck in Santa Cruz when you were 22. The equally heavy tribal cuff from Herland during your first Saturn return, now in your thirties. Are these accessories to the time? Like the antique locket from your mother's great aunt in Sweden, you have consistently worn these until the wildfires of 2020. Now your wrists look thin and bare, even the spiral tattoos have faded.

Add in the two hearts, one clear crystal, one red jasper with black flecks, from the first time we attended Pantheacon over Presidents Day Weekend in 2008. Since then, these hearts have traveled as far north as the Bonner's Ferry, Idaho, as far south as Maui, and as far east as the West Gambia.

Sprinkle in the "I'm engaged to me" ring, with the triangular lilac sapphire and two diamonds, the opal ritual ring, the thick thumb ring with the dancing goddesses from the Hopland's Women's Music Festival in 2005. 

Slowly blend in the antique gold watch, found cleaning out the shed when you lived at 325 Broadway, time encapsulated on its cracked face. A bone hair pin from your freshman college roommate at Wesleyan. And the tiny silver Tardis for Amber's 21st birthday that somehow never made it to the charm bracelet. 

Wrap with a burgundy cord and knot it three times saying,

In the name of the maiden, the mother and the crone, I'm here by myself but I'm never alone.

You have no idea if it will be lost in a earthquake, or stolen like the time your car got broken into in San Francisco right before going on the Global Walk. Maybe it will be passed on for generations. Maybe it will be sold piecemeal at Pawn Shops, Flea Markets, or online auctions. So just let it go. And experience time release.

Blessed Be.

Pandemic Fashion

Before going for a walk I finally change out of my pandemic uniform -

Husband's over sized baggy black sweatshirt with the frayed cuffs
Brown cotton leggings that have a tiny hole in the thigh,
One of the many Aliki dresses - so comfy, and pockets!
The purple Tibetan prayer shawl, 

Rescued from the neighbors's free box.

I might dab on some make-up

Before a Zoom session,
But it's much easier to just use 

The enhanced setting.

I rarely wear shoes anymore -
Maybe the fake Ugg boots if it's chilly,
I miss my black leather Danskos.

I've removed half a dozen bracelets,
Unclasped the jade Kuan Yin pendant,
Slipped off each silver rings one by one,
Tend to forget to put in nose rings,
Let alone a dozen earrings.

Right now,

My main accessory,
Seems to be

Cat hair.

Inner Coach

There is a voice inside my head,

My inner coach, here's what she said:

You can do it, you've done it before,

You're getting better, you're upping the score.

Be patient with yourself, learn to believe in you,

Have faith in the process, you know what to do,

You're being active, alive and well,

Taking care of the garden, making sure your husband is swell.

The cats are happy, the house is clean,

You're getting things done in this time of in between

Wildfires, elections, and covid-19,

Protest, people being mean.

So be kinder to yourself, be gentle my dear,

Pay attention to the truth, let go of the fear.

Take a walk every day, drink more water, less wine,

Keep loving yourself and it'll all be just fine.

You are doing exactly what you need to do,

You're having fun using your talents a new,

So expect that you'll live to be 104,

And in that good night you'll gently shut the door.

Impeachment Blues

While I believe in all things empirical 

Trump getting convicted will surely be a miracle 

Hard enough to convince a jury of 12,

17 Republicans sitting on the shelf.

I do hope to see Trump rot in jail,

Maybe better brooding in a self-imposed hell,

Deutsche Bank takes the Trump tower,

Who else will strip him of his power?

Mar-a-Lago, golfing in Scotland,

Acting like nothing's wrong, that's right man.

Every narcissist thinking like it's all swell,

Look at poor Ghislaine Maxwell.

There is no real trial by jury,

Everyone checks Twitter for the flurry, 

Epstein didn't kill himself, 

Yet another casualty on the shelf.

Of all the rewards, Trump trophies -

One more year of Covid-19,

Let's keep tally, how many are dead -

All are on Donald Trump's head,

Let alone the January insurrection, 

Riled by his lies continuously resurrected, 

He didn't win the last popular vote, nor the one before, 

His ire is that of the last election, bringing national discord.

His hate is worse than the pandemic, 

More virulent than the plague,

From BLM to disable folks not getting the vaccine,

And has Breonna ever been redeemed?

The spread of lies has brought a whole country down, 

But how we love to watch this orange haired clown,

So I sit, and observe the trial,

I wonder what will be final.

Thank the goodness for the few willing to stand,

They are what makes America Grand,

Not addicted to their party, but the truth, 

Hopefully they will act forsooth.

Farmers and essential workers are finally getting the shots,

While Mom and Pop businesses still continue to close up shop.

All this and more is what I know to be true,

I've got another case of the impeachment blues.

Pandemic Haikus

Punctuation
After three years of
Chronicling menopause
I get my period

Twenty Seconds

Dress, glasses, flip flops

Cats, keys, what I can carry

Evacuation

Pandemic Postcard
Pat my lap, the cat
Chooses to sit next to me
Feline distancing

Little Corner Store

Turning my back on

Promise of chips and beer, damn

I forgot my mask

10/4/2020
Dearest Lisa G.
How do you feel now that Trump
Has COVID-19?

New Normal

Don’t feel like cooking

Hope husband will do it

Bless Delivery

Day 13 - How to Procrastinate

Day 13 - How to Procrastinate

Life should consist in at least 50% pure waste of time, and the rest doing what you please. - Isabel Patterson

Decide there is something you need to do today. Put it on a list. As the morning unfolds, notice what is being scratched off above and below it. Start to feel some anxiety. Now almost all of the list is finished. Start a new list. Decide it needs to be rewritten in sharpie. Add things to the list you've already done, have the satisfaction of scratching them out. Highlight project in yellow.

Decide it is time. Or that you have the time. Or that you are willing to do it for 20 minutes. Gather up everything you need. Too early for wine, maybe a cup of soothing green tea? Notice the kitchen counter is full of breadcrumbs, start cleaning. As long as you've got the broom out, might as well sweep the front porch, after all it is important for Feng Shui as it represents Career/Life Path. Prune the geraniums, consider what needs to be watered, add “wash car.”

Come back inside, go pee, observe project all laid out on the kitchen table. Better go brush teeth, shower, change clothes, make the bed, set the Roomba to work. Time to check emails, texts, Instagram, the guild competition, collect coins and crystals on June's Journey, do the Spelling Bee, Letterbox, save the New York Times crossword puzzle to be a reward for finishing the project.

Sit down. Align everything on the table. Think about all the other projects on your list, how great it will feel when they are done. Pick up your pen. Let the cat out. Let the cat in. Feed the cat. Wash the water bowl and put in fresh water with an ice cube because it's hot outside today. Smoke a bowl, have a little snack, notice the thermostat, put on the fan, add “replace filters.”

Pet the cat. Take pictures of the cat. Post to Facebook. Check other posts. Google “News.” Scroll through endless sound bites. Ask Siri to see more of this and less of that. Delete photos. Delete old emails. Delete old email addresses. Clear call history. Delete all old texts. Feel virtuous.

Sit down, organize papers, review what has been done, staple, collate, go look for paper clips in the junk drawer. Organize the junk drawer. Rearrange the cork bulletin board according to the principles of Feng Shui. Clean the trash can, look in the fridge, look in the freezer, look in the pantry. Almost out of almonds. Add to list. Empty the dish rack, the dishwasher, consider doing laundry, even though it's already on next week's list. Put on some music. Breathe now that everything is clean, tidy, organized, and just so. Let the cat in. Let the cat be on your lap. Now you're truly immobilized. After some time passes, move the cat gently. Put your project on your lap. Give it your full attention. Begin today's writing prompt, "Write about something you know how to do."

Day 24 - Loss

I don't often lose my temper or even my cool 

Unless someone makes me look like a fool 

Yes, the backs of earrings, countless pens, 

My way on the highway, one or two good friends.

The black and persimmon velvet scarf, that one sweater, 

Quite a few emails, as well as some important letters, 

My glasses at least a couple times a day,

When hiking in the Land of Medicine Buddha, I really lost my way.

Lost my best friend during the divorce, 

Had to close my bookstore in due course,

The recounts are done the electoral vote widens,

Will Trump ever cede he has lost to Biden?

The loss of lives, now a quarter million,

Will some fat cat makes another billion,

Sewing seeds of self-doubt, poverty and despair,

The nation's loss is a despot affair.

I've lost my job, my clients, and my wages,

All I can do now is write these pandemic pages,

In reviewing my losses, what do I find -

Of all the things I've lost, what I miss most is my mind.

Nothing

Nothing to say, nothing to do

Nothing unusual, nothing new,

Nothing on my mind, nothing on my plate,

Absolutely nothing happened on this date.

There's nothing on TV, or on the radio,

Bored of my CDs, nothing on the stereo,

Fridge is empty, there's nothing to eat,

No shoes or socks, there's nothing on my feet.

Nowhere to go, no one to see,

Nothing but time that's absolutely free, 

Nothing to do but love and a world of hate,

Nothing can do right now but simply wait, 

For the vaccine, jobs, electoral college votes,

Really nothing to do right now, but simply hope.

Congress will stop doing nothing, step up instead,

Jail the politicians, who all made their own bed.

Nothing but lies, corruption, and greed, 

Nothing but change can correct dirty deeds.

Nothing to do right now, but exactly this, 

Nothing but poetry, can save me from the abyss. 

Clearing my mine now, empty of all thoughts,

No - Thing - ness helps to connect the dots, 

Dropping into my center, nothing else to do, 

Everything is reborn yet nothing is new.

Pandemic Pages

In this moment I am sitting on a rather pleasant deck in Freedom California, mask on, waiting for my hairdresser, who has two other clients being coiffed or their hair colored. Her dog is pleasant company, the hum of traffic soothing, so different from the last month of wild tires, sirens, and the sound of helicopter whirring.

I had a nice lunch with one of my mentors, swapping notes about this particular interim, the affect of our practices, both business and what we were eating, exercising, getting along with our spouse. I'm so sorry it took all these deaths to get to this place, where we are talking about racism, sexism, the corruption in our system, just like we started this conversation thirty years ago.

I didn't start it, don't get me wrong, but in 1985 when I started college it certainly was the hot topic. Which in my youthful ingenuity thought could be resolved in a few years. How like many of us now during Covid-19 and the actually reciprocation of climate change, no longer just a theory.

I made a timeline a few years ago, listing significant events in my life such as moving to a new country or a cat dying. I added in a presidential timeline, recognizing how oblivious I was besides for Watergate and Reagan being elected. Interesting to note what was happening in my life during the Clinton and Obama years, let alone the Bush nepotism.

I adjust my mask, happy to present my new book, knowing I will get into the most politics in this next hour ham.i have in months and will in my next hair appointment, after the election. Pati is well read, well informed, and certainly one of my main sources for political discourse let alone a good hair cut which will last. I'd vote her for president or a seat on the Supreme Court any day.

My face mask hangs from one ear, ready to be slung over the rest of my fast in a jiffy, the fastest mask of the west. My friend Z gifted me three reversible masks, hand sewn, wonderful fabric patterns, the new love and lint. 

Pandemic Blues

Pandemic Blues

Leafing through my Pandemic Pages
Aware of all the lost time and wages
We all need a little more reassurance
At least I'm getting unemployment insurance
Got those Corona Virus Blues...

It's been nine months of lock-down, COVID-19
I've done 300 crossword puzzles in between
Doom scrolling, social distancing, wearing a mask
Shelter in place, trust me, you don't have to ask
Got those early morning drinking Quarantinis Blues...

Herd Immunity or herd mentality
Trump simply smacks of banality
Take a breath for George Floyd
There's lots of reasons to be paranoid
Got those Breonna Taylor Blues...

White fragility and confederate flags
No longer able to use reusable bags
Six feet apart, flatten the curve
Essential workers continue to serve
Got those Fake News Conspiracy Blues...

Hoax, flat-earther or anti-vax
Now the battle is about anti-mask
Protests in Portland, appeals to trust us
Now a new supreme court justice
Got those Ruth Bader-Ginsburg Blues...

Despite allegations, who to accuse,
Voter fraud dismissed, try to be amused
Every day the gap does widen
Will Trump ever cede to Biden?
Got those electoral college blues...

2020 has been a year of hindsight
Maybe we can change that into kind sight
The New Normal, face-time, vote by mail
At least we have toilet paper and a take out cocktail
Got those deep Pandemic Blues...