Dagaz

Dagaz is the tipping point, the moment the sands of time begin to shift if not entwine, when breakdowns become break-rhroughs. It takes radical trust to work with an atheist's sense of divine timing. 

Now is the moment to doubt your doubts, and come to your own conclusions, "Do what moves you and rationalize in Retrospect" - (8x10 Glossy)

Trickle, tickle
Don't get too comfortable
In the Middle

Everything shifts
Even when it seems fine
Discover
Sacred time

Algiz

In the early morning mist, there is a snorfling sound from the forest. A majestic head appears, in full antlered regalia. Here is wisdom, patience, and perseverance coming for a visit.

Allow yourself a sense of coolness, time and space. You know what you need to thrive, and in this moment, time is on your side.

Branch out

Sense

Trust

Endure

 

Laphrodite's Guide to Mindful Menopause

 

Laphrodite's Guide to Mindful Menopause 

or the Adventures of a Baby Crone

An enchanting collection of midlife musings, moon magic, and meditations for mindful menopause. Over the last three years, menopause has brought me to my knees. In this humbled position, I offer anecdotes, potential antidotes, and some not-so-common advice.

According to the Mayo Clinic, menopause is experienced by over 3 million women a year in the United States alone. What makes this book different is viewing menopause as a time of incredible spiritual growth and creativity, rather than just a physical experience that needs a special diet or more exercise.

The book offers concrete tools such as guided visualizations, meditations, and rituals to honor this significant passage in a woman's life. Rather than a dry reference book, it includes humorous stories, inspiring poetry, and juicy practices to experience mindful menopause. 

I thoroughly enjoyed this book! I love the artwork and how it goes along with the readings. It was empowering, and beautiful, giving an honest portrayal of the fem experience. Highly recommend! - Kaileigh Otsuka

Yew Tree

In the beginning, or at least in my imagination, Odin hung upside down from the Yew tree, and there reflected in the waters were all of the runes. Like the Hanged One in the tarot, he was not in a noose around his neck, but around his ankle. In many cultural experiences, from downward-facing dog to the Sundance Ceremony, there is a clearing of energy when blood rushes into our head.

Echo 

Location

Tune in

Tune Out

Turn a blind eye

Discover

A more nuanced

Vision

Go out 

On a limb

After Winter

Ripe fruit

The week my Dad was dying, I felt in limbo. Played endless games of Solitaire, Sudoku, and Acrostic puzzles. I felt like the times when my flight was delayed, not just by hours, but by days. Camped out at the terminal. Waiting for that final departure.

This feeling lasted months. Everyone deals with grief in their own way - my deal was endless rounds of gin rummy, maybe a soothing way to beat the odds, at least for a while

Yew trees had sharp prickly leaves, being coniferous, as well as bright red berries. It is one of the longest-lived native plants in Europe, according to the Woodland Trust. To quote from their website, 

"Ancient, morbid, toxic. The yew is one of the longest-lived native species in Europe. This has made it a symbol of death and doom, but it provides food and shelter for woodland animals."

Journaling invitation: What would the YOU Tree look like? Roots, stem/trunk, branches, flowers, foliage, seeds? Any flora or fauna? Other symbiotic relationships?

And just like feeling a bit in limbo ( How low can you go?) Become aware of where you could be a little more soft, flexible, not necessarily pliant or defiant, the softness between.

Odin

Last winter on retreat, I painted my set of Ralph Blum's ceramic rune stones, using a combination of colors and copper paint. On the back of each one, I wrote keywords, using a Sharpie. Next, I will varnish them, one way or another. And this led me to my next painting project. Much to my cats' chagrin.

The first rune I pulled from the grey velvet pouch was blank - Odin, the Unknowable. All endings are beginnings, and beginnings are ending, so the Oroborous seemed like an organic symbol. 

Swallow me up

Swallow me whole

Create my destiny

Nothing foretold

I'm entering my second Saturn return, and I thought the first one was a doozy. I bought out my business partner, got divorced from my wife, and my parents separated. My Dad would come up every week from Carmel, we planted roses, put in the irrigation system, had lunch at either The Farm or Avanti, and basically became good friends. We both have Saturn in Pisces (as does my daughter). Mine is also conjunct Chiron (the Wounded Healer) opposing both Pluto and Uranus in Virgo in the Second house. If you know any astrology, this is a potent combo.

So here I am, the first day of Spring, thinking about all of the deaths over the last eighteen months. I'm still in grief, but much of the trauma and depression has lifted. Acupuncture, peer counseling, Ignatia, and St. John's Wort have been helpful allies.

As has deep cleaning - going from room to room, not just chasing dust bunnies and culling excessive hangers (my hang-ups) but getting into a creative mode - hanging mini solar-powered fairy lights in the upstairs bathroom and the back room, making a family jewels chest by repurposing the computer box, the simple act of chicken soup. Beginnings and endings.

Odin, the Unknowable, the Great Mystery. One can only wonder about all the worlds of possibilities.

Blessed be.

HRT

 

show me yes

show me no

show me

I don't know

third time

patch slips

not going to

fix this

rub bellies

lube jellies

warm up

cool down

tired of weeping

not sleeping

nightmares

My Key

This morning during meditation

Archangel Michael came to me

Kissed all my chakras open

Wrapped me in his wings

Poured liquid gold into the cracks of my broken heart

Wabi-sabi, it’s whole again

Kissed my sacred yoni

With tongues of fire

Kissed my soles and palms

Releasing the stigma of stigmata

Opened my crown and third eye

So I could see the brilliance inside

Healed my gut, pinched my butt

And told me to Enlighten up

Changing Woman

 

Changing Woman: Poems 2007 - 2016

Kayla used to be a priestess of Aphrodite, but she was such a bitch - all those lessons in love, including jealousy, heartache, misery, and despair. Now she is the Priestess of Laphrodite, Goddess of the Belly laugh. Laughter is the best medicine, but as far as Kayla was concerned, it's also the best lube. Reflecting a time of questing and questioning for our Baby Crone, she changes careers, discovers online dating, and fuels her passion for blogging. 

Compassion

The bully was bullied

The abuser, abused

How do I hold space

For both of the two

The Impossible Standard

The Impossible Standard

The problem with being a perfectionist

Is that you'll never cross off the whole list

There's always one more thing to do

Some mystery to solve, a cosmic clue

Every hair needs to be neatly in place

Not a trace of dust or mess in my space

All the dishes done, and the laundry too

Every weed pulled, bills paid, nothing due

Books all proofread, not a single mistake

Everyone thinks you're authentic, but feel like a fake

The occasional smile after a “How are you?”

Not revealing the truth, if they only knew

The depth of my anxiety, how I drown in fear

The shaking of my heart as I hold back my tears

Not thinking that I'm good enough, falling short

Making long-term plans, only then to abort

Business plans, projects, good intentions

So many ideas, too many to mention

Many a million-dollar idea not realized

Many a cherished dream that once I prized

Picnic Table

Heat of your palm

Love is eternal

Form shifts

Tendrils of Belief

 

Tendrils of Belief: Poems 1997 - 2006 

Picks up the adventures of our Baby Crone five years after Sappho’s Delights. No longer a maiden, she embraces motherhood, becomes a gay divorce, and moves from retail therapy to hypnotherapy. Spanning almost a decade, here is more scrumptious food for thought, nuggets to savor and relish. Inspired by Adrienne Rich’s, On Lies Secrets, and Silence, these tender tales continue a quest into a deeper knowing of self, family, and community. Prayers, meditations, affirmations, and some lamentations.

Ring of Fire

Sun streams through slats,

Blinding white.

Almost hostile,

Stabbing my eyes,

I reach for the twisty thing.

    Dust motes twinkle,

    As I spread Mom's old quilt.

    Tattered blue jeans, ripped, frayed,

    Sewn together- look! It has pockets!

Comfort zones come,

At a comfortable pace.

Ginger peach turmeric tea,

Sipping tangerine neon sunsets.

    Sure, the eclipse kissed the sun,

    ate her whole.

    Celestial travelers, clearing,

    Solar systems, solar plexus.

Perfect alignments,

Orbits and conjunctions,

Oppositions and trines

    Never still, never still.

Tell-Tale Heart

I forgive myself lazy days on the couch,

All the times I just acted like a slouch,

Eating frozen pizza instead of making a meal,

Every single time that I ever ate veal.

The years I used Roundup cuz I didn't know better,

Or how much child labor went into that sweater

Times. I smoked too much, times. I cursed,

Drove intoxicated, It could have been worse. 

I forgive all the breakups, all the disappointments,

Divorces, lost friends, all the estrangements.

Emails not sent. Phone calls not returned,

Losing trust when it had been so hard-earned. 

It wasn't okay, it isn't now,

But it no longer has to affect me somehow,

Because I learned my lessons, I learn them well,

This is the tale my compassionate heart has to tell.

The One Question

 

Here at the retreat

My life revolves around most

What's for lunch today

Sappho's Delights

Sappho’s Delights: Poems 1984 - 1997

A delicious collection of feminist and lesbian poetry that chronicles the adventures of a young baby crone as she crosses the country and discovers home.

These tasty morsels span almost a decade. From coming out as bisexual during high school in Maryland, a frisky four years of college in Connecticut (with an interim in zesty California), a healing year in Northern Idaho, participating on the Global Walk for a Livable World (where she walked from Los Angeles to Flagstaff, Arizona), living as a lesbian separatist, as well as opening the feminist bookstore in Santa Cruz, California.

Friends, lovers, cats, and companions are celebrated through poems, haiku, songs, ramblings, and even some blues. Dip your toes into the honey!

Super Blood Wolf

Full moon, lunar eclipse

Sun on my descendant, moon on my rising

What does it mean

To have the full blaze of the sun

Ye to be eaten

By earth's shadow

Spit up, vomited,

Regurgitated on the other side

Either way

I howl

I show

I'm different

Sun a shield at my back

Protecting my tender entrails

Soft belly

The moon a mirror

Facing outwards

While I murmur the stories

All see their own reflection

If the words are sung right

And you ask the right questions

I am in the Earth's shadow

Eating a blood orange

No longer in the limelight

Prenumberal rebirth

A small voice whispers

Take pride, put yourself out there

Embrace being different

How else can

We experience sameness

Astrology is not prophetic

More like

Poetic

Day of the Dead

Tuesday

It was 112 degrees

As we sped through the valley

Calculating every minute

Before visiting hours were over

Intern

It took me a few times

To curl my tongue

Around your name

Encrypt

My minds script

Saying I meditate

Is like

Saying I exercise

Begs questions

What form

How often

What does it bring

I don't usually

Blurt out my story

As I sort

Plastic macro

Charismatic fauna

Into plastic bins

But when I saw your

Pearlescent fingernail polish

I knew I was safe

Clarifiers

 

What do I need

I don't know

It will come to me

Just like the crows

They act as if 

There's something 

I need as I compost

Camelias

Pulling the sour yellow

Oxalis bursting

Next year's deep 

Brown seed 

Pods

Lemon verbena

Always exuberant, sassy

I hear my mom's voice

Only retired people 

Spend their time 

Pruning the 

Geraniums 

Tiny daddy-long-legs on 

My knee, are you

Papa “Leg”-ba

Dad joke

He whispers

Don't give away the farm

 Go slow

Little turtle

Go slower

Welcome the Tower

Clean slate

See the

Stars