Work is Love Made Visible

 

Time to dust again.

Time to caress my house,

to stroke all its surfaces.

I want to think of it as a kind of lovemaking

 . . . the chance to appreciate by touch

what I live with and cherish.

- Gunilla Norris, Being Home

One of my antidotes to the doldrums of menopause is staying both active and proactive. This was a productive week. I thought about the Kahlil Gibran quote, "Work is love made visible." This is true for me when I work with my clients - I am aware of the love, the care, the tending to another person's needs. I wanted to extend this to other areas of my life, so my housework became my house love, and my homework became my home love; working in the garden became loving in the garden, working on my website became loving my website; even sending out emails became sending out love letters. 

Midweek, I thought, "I should mow the lawn," then laughed because I knew it was the last thing I was going to do. The question became, "What would I love to do right now?" To my surprise, it was getting out the chainsaw and chopping up the firewood, a task that had been on my list for over a year. What a delight cross that one off, sore arms and all. Interestingly, the next day I found myself in the right mood to mow. I notice the things that I have to do can still be done with love, which is the essence of mindfulness.

(Excerpt from Laphrodite's Guide to Mindful Menopause or the Adventures of a Baby Crone)

Cooking with Intention

There is a common fear, "I have tried to meditate while waiting for the dinner to cook, but what if things boil over or burn? I find it hard to focus." Remember, mindfulness is a relaxed, focused state of concentration, not about being constantly distracted. Change your what ifs to what is. Begin to doubt your doubts.

Relax. Take a deep breath in. And another. deeper. This activates the parasympathetic nervous system - our natural state of being, as opposed to the sympathetic nervous system, also known as fight-or-flight. When we are stressed out, blood leaves the belly (poor digestion) and the brain (poor thinking) to go into the muscles in order to run away or deal with a challenge. We don't have tigers and bears chasing us anymore, but we do have bills, current politics, and the ubiquitous traffic. Being under low-grade stress can wear out the adrenals, cause poor sleep, and aggravate an assortment of ailments during menopause.

Being able to return to the parasympathetic is crucial, as we think better, sleep better, digest better - indeed, this is when the body and mind can restore, replenish, and rejuvenate itself. Mindfulness is the deliberate act of intentionally entering this state of relaxed concentration. It can be done with the eyes shut or open, while sitting or walking, actually at any time you choose to. Thus, one can be mindful at any time, from brushing your teeth to cooking in the kitchen

Start with a two-minute kitchen meditation. Put the timer on, make sure flames are off or on low. Take a few deep breaths. Use your five senses:

• The smells of cooking - differentiate from raw ingredients to final dish

• The sounds of cooking: chopping, sizzling, background

• The colors of the foods

• The taste - what if this was your first time? 

• The textures on your tongue, palate, between fingers, and the difference between using chopsticks or a fork

 

Be mindful of your eating space - Use the best china, grate the good Parmesan, light candles, and have fresh flowers. Why not? What have you been saving this for? Make it as delightful as possible.

Take a moment to acknowledge the whole chain of people who made the meal possible - the farmer who planted the produce, the worker who pulled it out of the earth, the trucker who brought it to the store, the market clerk who stocked it, the cashier who sold it, the person who cooked it, the person who served it, the person food or raisewho cleaned up afterwards, the scraps going back into the earth whether by compost or landfill, starting the cycle anew. This is a way to bless the food, all the helpful people who both nourish your body and the earth, as well as deeply appreciate the simple task of creating a meal.

(Excerpt from Laphrodite's Guide to Mindful Menopause or the Adventures of a Baby Crone)

A Love Bi Any Other Name

Speak to the Queen and the Queen will Answer - Norwegian proverb

Happy June! I've gone through a few iterations of the Lover's Card for my new deck and book, Tarot of a Rambling Rose, and I think the latest is just fabulous! 

Traditionally the Lover's Card has the man looking at the woman, the woman looking at the angel, the angel smiling down - the perfect love triangle? They are naked in their splendor, with the tree of life and the burning bush on either side, and our favorite serpent hanging out in the branches. Snakes represent transmuting old poisons, shedding the skins of the past, and welcoming in fresh wisdom based on past experiences.

In my deck, I started with a representation of my husband, but I thought a lot about how our lover is often a mirror of yourself, and wanted to play with that idea more, so first created a more gender-neutral image, but it just felt flat. Now, as a tattooed love babe, who would  be not just my reflection, but my inspiration, as in, takes me out of my comfort zones, challenges me to be my authentic self, despite and cultural norms or inhibitions? And if not a lover - partnerships, friendships, collaborations, moving from the solitary practitioner and feeling you have to do it all on your own to teamwork, support, networks. 

So entered The Drag Queen. Different from the Empress and other Queen cards, The Drag Queen is larger than life, both male and female, the union of opposites, both constrained and free, resplendent in their glorious nature.

“During the darkest days of the AIDS crisis, we buried our friends in the morning, we protested in the afternoon, and we danced all night. The dance kept us in the fight because it was the dance we were fighting for. It didn’t look like we were going to win then and we did. It doesn’t feel like we’re going to win now but we could. Keep fighting, keep dancing.” - Dan Savage

While most of us long for a lover as in a soul-mate, spouse, constant companion, one of the messages from this card is to remember Aphrodite, the goddess of love is also the goddess of self-love. When you pull this card, rather than running out in search of a mate, take some time love yourself. Rather than hunting after love, attract love by being your authentic, radiant self. Instead of seeking a love-life, take some to simply love your life. There is plenty of time.

Some self-love rituals include cleansing your space/aura with sage, lavender, or dragon's blood. Buy yourself new sheets, fresh underwear, rearrange your bedroom, buy yourself flowers. Make it as pleasing as possible, for as Starhawk says, "All Acts of Love and Pleasure are my Ritual."

Weeding Meditation

 

Being mindful in the garden can be a delight - really noticing the sounds of the birds, the wind, one’s breathing. Seeing the colors of the rich earth revealed as I remove the yellow sour grass. Smelling the fresh air, tasting the wind, the subtle aromatherapy of lavender, jasmine, and rosemary. The feel of roots as they give way when gently tugged, the stretch in the low back, the little wooden stool’s support, yoni close to the earth. The quality of light in this season, this time of year, the time of day. This is being present.

I found my mind wandering around the metaphor of pulling out negative thinking, the tenacity of old habits, and the constant diligence to prune out what is no longer serving. Even noticing that the big weeds are sometimes easier to get rid of than the little ones - just like my habits, some of the big ones are easier to change, more so than the little self-doubts that creep in and take hold. Mindfully, consciously, intentionally, as I pulled the weeds, I imagined I was pulling out any cancer, any disease, anything that was strangulating my energies.

And then taking a moment to really allow myself to simply enjoy the garden, not just work at it. Just like in meditation, enjoying the wandering of my mind, with no need to do anything but explore my inner landscape reflected in the outer, appreciating the beauty, complexity, feeling whole and healthy - weeds and all.

(Excerpt from Laphrodite's Guide to Mindful Menopause or the Adventures of a Baby Crone)

The Fifth Sacred Thing

The earth is a living, conscious being. In company with cultures of many different times and places, we name these things as sacred: air, fire, water, and earth.

   Whether we see them as the breath, energy, blood, and body of the Mother, or as the blessed gifts of a Creator, or as symbols of the interconnected systems that sustain life, we know that nothing can live without them.

   To call these things sacred is to say that they have a value beyond their usefulness for human ends, that they themselves become the standards by which our acts, our economics, our laws, and our purposes must be judged. No one has the right to appropriate them or profit from them at the expense of others. Any government that fails to protect them forfeits its legitimacy.

   All people, all living things, are part of the earth life, and so are sacred. No one of us stands higher or lower than any other. Only justice can assure balance: only ecological balance can sustain freedom. Only in freedom can that fifth sacred thing we call spirit flourish in its full diversity.

   To honor the sacred is to create conditions in which nourishment, sustenance, habitat, knowledge, freedom, and beauty can thrive. To honor the sacred is to make love possible.

   To this we dedicate our curiosity, our will, our courage, our silences, and our voices. To this we dedicate our lives. 

From The Fifth Sacred Thing by Starhawk 

Vintage

Growing older, more mature, 

I appreciate the finer things in life - 

Grape vines, aged cheese, 

Antique candle holders, broken down barns. 

Savoring the time it takes to craft

Richness of patience paying off.

My plate is less full, 

Bites smaller. 

Life is bursting with zest and vitality, 

Never experienced before all this

Death and decay.

I welcome new flavors and savor familiar delights.

I enjoy sharing the abundance

In the simplest of ways.

(Excerpt from Laphrodite's Guide to Mindful Menopause or the Adventures of a Baby Crone)

My Tarot Story

I first became interested in the Tarot after reading Live or Let Die by Ian Fleming when I was living in Luxembourg during elementary school.  We would drive out to the airport to find books in English, and there was a dearth of children's books, but many a murder mystery and spy novel. In the book there was a Tarot reader named Solitaire, and I became enchanted with the whole concept.  

I started boarding school in England for junior high, and I remember going to Harrods in London, which was renowned for its toy department. There were plenty of card decks, game decks, chess pieces, and toy soldiers, but no tarot. In the ninth grade, once we had moved back to America and I was living in Maryland, I wrote an essay about the tarot, sparse information gleaned from the Random House Encyclopedia.

Fast forward to summer after sophomore year of college at Wesleyan in Connecticut. My roommate invited me to visit her in California for a week - basically, I never left. In one fell swoop, I fell in love with Santa Cruz, met the parent of my child, pierced my nose, and bought my first tarot deck - The Motherpeace Tarot by Karen Vogel Vicki Noble. 

About a year later, I bought the Daughter's of the Moon by Ffiona Morgan and Shekhinah Mountainwater, which was a black and white deck (now out of print). It took almost three years to hand color it it. Later, I hand painted the Du Wacky Du deck, using sharpies as they were glossy, but also embellished them with glitter and ended by using mod-podge. Years later, they're still slightly sticky, and when I use them, they make a satisfying crackle as I shuffle.

After a brief stint in Idaho, I moved back to Santa Cruz and began working at Aries Arts down in Capitola Village, where we had about seventy different tarot decks. This was the beginning of my education in the esoteric, and I soon began taking astrology classes as well. When I opened Herland, we had about fifty decks to start, but then a neighboring store, 13 Real Magick closed, and my collection doubled. Most of these I gifted to other metaphysical stores when Herland closed in 2004.

As a part of my PhD program in Holistic Health, I wrote my thesis, Journey Through the Tarot, on using the tarot as an integrated healing system by comparing the Daughter's of the Moon, Tarot of Transformation by Willow Arlenea and Jasmine Cori, The Osho Zen Tarot, and the traditional Rider-Waite-Smith deck. 

I started my own deck, the Holistic Tarot, probably a decade ago. It's been through a couple of stuttering starts - watercolor and colored pencils, simply learning to get better materials and starting again, let alone  increasing my art skills. I'm working on a Rune card project in watercolors, it's about halfway done. 

I attended a Soul Collage class at Cabrillo college in 2016, which led to the creation of the Baby Crones Tarot deck and book. I made the images first, encircled them in copper tape, secured in glassine envelopes, and added affirmations later on the printed decks. Then I challenged myself to write the 78 accompanying meditations.

I did a series of twenty-two tarot portraits with Chip Chapin. We did the major Arcana, taking photo's in our kitchen but then I stopped, not sure of backgrounds or how to create the next 52 cards. 

Now I'm working on the "little white book," not so much to provide the usual tarot interpretations of each card, but to discuss why I chose certain symbols, and specifically, the animals I added to each card - from chipmunks to vultures, orcas to opposums, so much rich animal magic to share. I've found errors on a couple of cards, and am not quite happy with the Lovers card, so will make some corrections and reprint.