Holding On

Holding On

I would have held on to

That burnt-out light bulb

For twenty years or more

If you had asked

I did lose the Queen of Hearts

If we meet

I'll have to take off my clothes

I returned the tombstone

Anti-apartheid Bear with

The leather feet

All the past

Treasures

Seed Ritual

Seed Ritual

Find some seeds - pumpkin, sunflower, poppy, wildflowers

Whatever floats your fancy

Hold them in your palm and whisper your wishes

Imbue them with your hot breath

Walk around your house, church, or favorite field

Clockwise or counter, notice what feels right

At each of the four directions (and the cross directions)

Throw your seeds, scatter them

To the wind that they may find fertile ground

To the ants to feed the hive mind community

To the squirrels and chipmunks stuffing their cheeks with abundance 

To the birds, who will fly into your dreams 

Invite in the rain 

Release any frustrations, cry 

Welcome the sun f

Feel a sense of energy begin to build.

Trust that you'll be able to weed out 

What is weak or ineffectual 

Focus and simplify 

Nourish your dreams 

As they unfurl from a mere thought to full manifestation 

Shelter your dreams - tell no one 

Until you see sure signs of growth,

Ready for assistance

Immune to criticism

 Of the naysayers

Just like the rose is immune

With its thorns.

Seeds of hope

Seeds of change.

Seeds of peace

And seed money

Flourish into abundance 

Benefiting all the creatures of the earth

This or something better now occurs 

For the greatest good

So mote it be. Blessed be.

It Took Me a Few Times

It Took Me a Few Times

To curl my tongue

Around your name

Encrypt

My minds script

Saying I meditate

Is like

saying I exercise

What form

How often

What does it bring you

We sorted

Plastic macro

Charismatic fauna

Into acrylic bins

I don't usually

Blurt out my story

But when I saw your

Pearlescent fingernail polish

I knew

I was safe

Grieving Ritual

Grieving Ritual

Find a small ring-sized cardboard box or fabric pouch

Fill it with a pinch each of rosemary, sage, lavender 

Write on slips of paper

Names of what has died

Friends, relationships

Parents, ancestors, pets 

Children, grandchildren,, miscarriages abortions 

The children you will never know.

Add photos, locks of hair, old threads

Decorate the box, seal it shut

Wrap it in pretty paper 

Add a paper or fabric bow, just not plastic 

Choose whether to

Burn it - 

Cast the ashes 

To the wind, into the sea

Flush it away

Bury it - plant some seeds on top

Forget-me-nots, purple pansies,  catnip

Find a running stream

Weigh it down with stones, add

A carved heart

The watch that had seen better times

Feast

Hidden Moon

 

Hidden Moon

I give her the name of the hidden moon -  David Whyte

For most of my life, I have hated being cold

Now I welcome every ounce of cool

Waking up, feeling the heat move from core to thighs

Prickles of sweat on my neck, upper lip, between my breasts

Rather than a flash more of a hot sw

Leaving me soaked

I imagine leaving a steaming eucalyptus sauna

On a cold winter night, a spark

Rolling my body in the snow

Like wrapping myself in a cloak of

Soothing lunar cycles, full and flushed

Drifting with the stars, back into restful

Content with the celestial

What is this veiled female form, the crone within

Protection Spell

Protection Spell

Tap the top of your head

Yes, you are thinking clearly

Now the third eye

See the protective bubble

Sing your name

Syllable by syllable

Listen to your name song

Feel the hum

Clap your hands

In front 

Behind

Create a sphere

Over and over again

Notice where you begin

And where you end

Listen to your heart

Safe in your chest

Comfortable in your ribs

Protected by your skin

Activate your willpower

Fill it with light

Choose to empower 

Rather than enable

Sink down into your belly

Trust your gut

All organs, all systems

Are working together

Don't be an amoeba

Evolve

Allow yourself to want more

Trust what you attract, desire

Yes, there will be some moths

As you Flame

All the more reason to

Use a clear chimney

Go down into your bones

Flex your hips and thighs

Wiggle your toes

Safe, secure, reassured

You have everything you need

It's already in your hands

Hypnobirthing

Hypnobirthing is "a method of managing pain and anxiety during childbirth, involving various therapeutic relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing and visualization."

I usually recommend doing at least three sessions for hypnobirthing. The first session is the "getting to know you" session, where I can answer questions and hear about your particular story, health history, and visions for your birthing experience. We will do a short (15-20 minute) guided meditation for deep body relaxation tailored to your needs. Partners are encouraged to participate in the process.

The next session would be midway to your due date, although some folks like to come in sooner. After checking in, we would do a longer hypnosis session, more like 45 minutes, to build up inner resources, release any fears or traumas, and focus on having the most mindful birth possible.

The third session would be closer to your due date, maybe a couple weeks out, depending on how you feel, We would create pain management techniques that will have been built upon the following two sessions - the body relaxation and positive visualizations. All the sessions will be recorded, so that you can listen to them at home for further internal reinforcement.

Here is more information/testimonials from my hypnobirthing clients. 

Please let me know if you have any other questions!

Thoughts on Junk Drawers

The junk drawer is as American as apple pie. Everyone has one. It's the one place where you can throw in anything and (hopefully) find everything. Usually in the kitchen, near a wall where once a landline phone used to hang, so you could grab a pen, scratch paper, etc.

Here is my secret Superpower - Organizing my junk drawer. Believe you me, this has given me solace on many an anxious occasion. Simply dwelling on the amount of order in this relatively tiny space makes me feel in power, in charge, and in control, even if the rest of the world is in shambles.

Start by taking everything out of the junk drawer. Everything. Take the drawer out, shake out the crumbs, line it with fresh contact paper, the marbled one that hides the ubiquitous detritus. Notice the well oiled hinges, remove the fine layer of oily scum off the top brackets with a quick swish of the industrial sanitizer wipes. Put it to the side.

Begin to sort - Notice the appropriation of various tools used once, but too lazy to put back in the garage afterwards, end up here. Ask yourself, would I use it once a week? A month? Keep one screwdriver (the one that reverts between flat and Phillips head), wire cutter/pliers, small hammer, box opener, tape measure, and the big ass flashlight. Check the batteries of said torch.

Find your cache of empty Altoid boxes. These tins are the perfect size for credit cards, business cards, mini helpful people boxes, let alone the assortment now before you. Label them using a label maker if feeling industrious, or find some file folder labels, at least use a sharpie. Fill them - one will actually be Altoids, of course, next is paper clips, staples, rubber bands (but not your husband's hairbands, from experience), push pins, razor blades, twist ties, safety pins, miscellaneous seeds you picked up on walks in the neighborhood, most likely Icelandic or California Poppy.

Use the old greeting card boxes to sort the rest. We are talking not just three sizes, but three colors of post it notes.White glue stick, super glue, gorilla glue, at least one refill for the hot glue. Lighters, matches, birthday candles that must be over twenty years old because they go back to Amber's sixth birthday but, hey, they are still good. A size D battery that might be a part of the new automatic cat feeder.

Dedicate one to keys - spare keys, bike keys, neighbor keys, bike lock keys, padlock keys, fence keys, shed keys, storage shed keys (remember the pass code to get in, write it down, attach to key) keys you have no idea what they go to anymore but can't do be too safe don't throw them out. And of course a plethora of key rings.

Make a space for the scotch tape, duct tape, packing tape - both kinds, clear and tan. Then staples and stapler, too bad the three hole punch won't fit in, good thing the scissors are in the pen cup. As well as an exactoknife because the exacto blades are in the razor blades box. Honor that the toothpicks are in their own container.

Glasses cleaner - cloth, as well as the little packs of photographic lens wipes that Chip bought for his cameras, and the bottle of solution scored at a show in San Francisco presented by Money Magazine on the opportunities to invest in Marijuana products that is still somehow your favorite, maybe because the plastic container is peridot green.

Find a smallish recycled container, one that you've already lost the lid for (well that's true of most) just to throw in all of the remaining ephemera - Plastic bread bag closings you always want to throw away but somehow your husband adores: miscellaneous buttons that maybe match to something in your to-be-sewn pile: clothespins masquerading as clips for bags of frozen spinach or tortilla chips; the weird metal angle with the tiny nail you have no idea what it goes to; Xmas lite bulb fuses; The second knob for the stove because one broke but they're only sold in pairs; The big blue stick of chalk for writing FREE on the sidewalk anytime you have succulent cuttings or an office chair ready to be given away to the whims of the curb; A green felt cat toy that jingles softly.

When it gets cluttered, start again. Notice what piles up, what lingers. The ebb and the flow. The flotsam and the jetsam. Ask yourself the deeper questions, activate your inner Marie Kondo, be brutally honest - Do you really need that many Ikea Allen wrenches?

Close the drawer. Be at peace.

Herbcrafter’s Tarot

It’s the Pink Moon, full moon in Libra, sun in Aries, 2022. Everybody knows that the tarot is irresistible, and today I'm using the Herbcrafter’s Tarot written by Leticia Guthrie, artwork by Joanna Powell Colbert, published by US Game Systems. This is an irresistible deck and I’ve already bought three since somehow I keep giving them away.

My focus is on my holistic practice. So much has changed in the last two years with COVID. I shuffle the cards again and again, relishing in their newness, the stiff glossy cardboard with a pleasing back design of various herbs, roots, stems, and butterflies on a pale green background. I mix the cards with my energy and intentions, cutting the deck into three stacks using my left hand (heart), then making a new pile with my right hand (head) while softly saying, “In the name of the Maiden. Mother, and Crone, I'm here by myself, and I am never alone.” Swiftly I draw cards using the classic Motherpeace spread. Since they are new, I turn the reversed cards upright. I’ll think about them more later, most likely around three o’clock in the morning.

The first card is The Significator, my here and now, the main focus. Using my right hand, I pull Three - The Empress - Rose. Threes are the number of creativity, and this is a Major Arcana, a major life lesson. We see a rosary made of red beads with a flaming heart,  surrounded by succulent rose hips, fiery chili peppers, five-petaled English roses (reminds me of Placenta Bush) and crimson rose petals. In the middle is a heart made out of honeycomb, makes me think of the nursery rhyme, “The queen was in the parlor, eating bread and honey.” Upon reading the accompanying book, there is also a Venus of Willendorf, appropriate since the traditional Empress has the symbol for the planet Venus inscribed on her throne. It is a beautiful card. The book says, “Be vulnerable, yet strong. Nurture love and compassion. See beauty and abundance in every stage of life.”

When looking through said book, I like how each card has a little quote, describes the artwork and meaning, and then there's a section called “Crafting” which offers ways to honor the particular card. For this card, one suggestion is to create a rosary out of rosebuds, rose hips, or dry rose petal beads for love and compassion. Considering I'm focusing on my practice and my last name is Rose, I saw this as auspicious and reassuring.

The second one, Source of Strength, is Eight of Fire - Ginger pulled with my left hand. We see a vast kitchen with a wooden cutting board filled with dark brown ginger roots, some sliced to show pale yellows, as well as green onions, a glass cruet of olive oil, a bunch of well-used spatulas in a jar, a copper kettle, something flaming on the stove, a big cooking pot that could be a cauldron. Eights are rewards and Fire represents energy. “Adapt swiftly to unexpected changes. You can handle the heat. Act quickly when inspiration strikes.” One of the suggestions is to craft a magic ginger honey pot, which is intriguing.

The third is the The Challenge card, my particular workshop.  Using both hands now, I pick Two of Earth - Witch Hazel. Two are about balance, and Earth is the physical world - health, finances, material things. The card shows two blue birds twittering on a wicker birdhouse, another one balancing on a branch filled with bright yellow buds adorned with blue ribbons on a wispy, cloudy, slightly chilly day. There is snow on the ground and frosted green trees in the distance. Finding joy in each moment is my challenge. The book recommends, 

 “Full hands, rich life. Balance on the edges of depth and lightness. Find joy in each moment… Your stability may feel at risk but as the flowers promise relief is not far off… Decorate the leafless tree with strands of ribbons for each of your blessings… Cultivate joy. Hang birdhouses from winter trees and pause to sing with the birds while you work.“

The fourth revealed is The Root, which represents what I am bringing up from my deep past, childhood, and past lives. Again using both hands, they hover and choose Fourteen -  Temperance - Camellia. Another Major Arcana, the card of alchemical change. There is an earthy  bamboo tray with three white porcelain cups of steaming green tea, a delicate floral teapot and a bowl full of  fragrant leaves. The camellia has a beautiful yellow center with white petals and waxy green leaves. It's a very soothing card.

“Trust the magic of the present. See the secret in the symbol. Create new magic from what is familiar. Focus on the present moment to bring balance to opposing forces. There is magic in the mundane: ordinary tea bags stop minor bleeding, soothe sunburns, and reduce eye inflammation. Camilla is the oldest, most widely used botanical in history. Let ancient practices inspire fresh ideas.”  The book goes on to suggest learning how to make kombucha .

The fifth card shows The Sky, that is what is most on my mind, as well as energy that is available now. My fingers twitch and finally come together on Twenty - Awakening - Tulsi. Traditionally the World Card, this Major Arcana speaks to global consciousness. An overflowing bowl of dark green sprigs on creamy lace, gracefully adorned by a sandalwood mala with a golden yellow tassel, sprays of purple spears and a tear shaped oil lamp, weeping a single flame.

“Make an offering to the sacred. Awaken to your life purpose. Devotion to your calling is devotion to the world…Sacred service is the call of the divine… Tuls, also known as holy basil… enhances memory, restores energy, and clears toxins.”

The sixth card reflects The Immediate Past, the last six weeks or so, thinking back to the start of Love, Loss, and What I Ate. My left hand simply flips the top card, Nine of Air - Pomegranate. Nines are completions, Air is the mental realm, completing mental thoughts that have caused us anguish in the past. Freshly opened by a hand knife on a wooden table, bleeding  pomegranate seeds, we’re invited to look beyond the windowsill to see the pomegranate tree blooming outside, the mountains beckoning in the distance, a pathway of clouds. 

 “Claim your underworld crown… You are the sky, everything else is the weather… Let go of what you cannot control…  The deeper that sorrow carves to your being the more joy you can contain…Do not hurry your grief… Write your grief with a feather and pomegranate juice…Heal the heart when it is overcome by emotion.”

The seventh card is The Near Future, the next six weeks or so, what will most likely occur as I apply my free will and free choice. My right hand is guided to Five of Water - Goldenseal. Fives are change and water represents emotions. Instantly I feel immersed in the gentle calm gray creek, flowing easily beyond the woven fence. Bringing my focus back, I notice the swaying palm leaves, wispy white flowers in the soft breeze. It is very mossy, very mulchy, a healing space. 

“Seek out healing waters to ease your pain. A restored heart clears the vision. Golden Hope dwells deep underground… Grief is a necessary part of healing, you may be lost in sorrow or depression unable to move forward from a great loss, allowing your feelings to unfold. Goldenseal root medicine teaches us that healing can be very deep… Sadness can open the portal to intuition…Fill a small vial of bright yellow goldenseal water to remind you where hope is hidden.”

The eighth card is The Mirror, self-concept, how I see myself right now. Seven of Fire -  Cinnamon.  Interesting that Eight of Fire was my source of strength.  Sevens are a time of assessment, and Fire is energy - Time to assess my energy in my practice. Here, the rosary is red coral and blue turquoise, with a hammered silver skull, draped across a book with the goddess Ixchel on the front cover and the word Curanderismo on the spine.  There are slices of pale green lime and a jar full of papery brown cinnamon sticks, as well as a mortar and pestle and what looks like a shield of the Aztec calendar on top of a sturdy wooden table. In the background there is a comfy looking flaming hearth.

“Answer the call of the ancients. Seek visions from the ancestors. Take a stand for your whole, authentic self… Start with a study of your bloodlines, learn the history, take the medicine, eat the food of your people, your fore/four mothers will give you direction, use extra cinnamon in breakfast.”

The ninth card is the House card, the environment, people and energy that is around me right now. It slides out effortlessly,  Six of Water - Borage. Sixes are healing and water is emotion. Three fine stemmed wine glasses which float blossoms of blue borage beckon on a lacy white tablecloth. A serene goddess upholds a bowl. Two vases full of lavender spears and a white baby's breath. Imagine a picnic at a tranquil beach by the lake of calm, breathing in the dark green trees and the peaceful blue sky.

“Celebrate milestones old and new. Freely give, freely receive. Let your heart be comforted by the comfort of friends… Borage is a continuously flowering plant that encourages a long-lasting relationship(s).” It goes on to encourage crafting borage flower ice cubes for summer parties or float the flowers in your tub to buoy your spirits.

The tenth card is Hopes and Fears. Often the same thing, I like to think of this card as “how my hopes will conquer my fears.” Six of Fire - Nasturtium tickled my fingertips, asking for a response. Sixes are the number of healing, Fire is energy. The traditional card for being playful. Tall beeswax votive candles on a wooden table, ready to be decorated, anointed, blessed in the middle of this “holy mess.”A  little oil lamp, ready to pass the flame. Three short purple candles, tubes of gold and scarlet glitter. Nasturtiums abound, blood red orange, light yellow striped with secret licks of pomegranate, tickled by a particular friendly green reflected by the twining vines.

“Celebrate yourself and others. Call the circle, make some magic. Glitter and spice magnify power and joy. A table is set for making spells with friends…Celebrate your accomplishments with pizzazz.”

The last card, final outcome, what will most likely happen in the next year as I apply my free will, free choice: Eighteen - The Moon - Datura.  Another Major Arcana, there is a silver bowl with a fully blossomed pale white Datura, while on the outside on the black background we see the stages of it unfurling and unfolding. It is very graceful.  There's a lot of ease in this particular mandala, a reminder of the ebb and flow, seasons and tides in my practice. “Follow your heart. Trust your instincts and intuition. Your capacity for love is limitless. New experiences can cause a wellspring of feelings. Open your heart to spiritual guidance… Face the unknown.”

I bow, and say yes.