Showing posts with label Thoughts on.... Show all posts
Showing posts with label Thoughts on.... Show all posts

June 8, 2022

Thoughts on Junk Drawers

The junk drawer is as American as apple pie. Everyone has one. It's the one place where you can throw in anything and (hopefully) find everything. Usually in the kitchen, near a wall where once a landline phone used to hang, so you could grab a pen, scratch paper, etc.

Here is my secret Superpower - Organizing my junk drawer. Believe you me, this has given me solace on many an anxious occasion. Simply dwelling on the amount of order in this relatively tiny space makes me feel in power, in charge, and in control, even if the rest of the world is in shambles.

Start by taking everything out of the junk drawer. Everything. Take the drawer out, shake out the crumbs, line it with fresh contact paper, the marbled one that hides the ubiquitous detritus. Notice the well oiled hinges, remove the fine layer of oily scum off the top brackets with a quick swish of the industrial sanitizer wipes. Put it to the side.

Begin to sort - Notice the appropriation of various tools used once, but too lazy to put back in the garage afterwards, end up here. Ask yourself, would I use it once a week? A month? Keep one screwdriver (the one that reverts between flat and Phillips head), wire cutter/pliers, small hammer, box opener, tape measure, and the big ass flashlight. Check the batteries of said torch.

Find your cache of empty Altoid boxes. These tins are the perfect size for credit cards, business cards, mini helpful people boxes, let alone the assortment now before you. Label them using a label maker if feeling industrious, or find some file folder labels, at least use a sharpie. Fill them - one will actually be Altoids, of course, next is paper clips, staples, rubber bands (but not your husband's hairbands, from experience), push pins, razor blades, twist ties, safety pins, miscellaneous seeds you picked up on walks in the neighborhood, most likely Icelandic or California Poppy.

Use the old greeting card boxes to sort the rest. We are talking not just three sizes, but three colors of post it notes.White glue stick, super glue, gorilla glue, at least one refill for the hot glue. Lighters, matches, birthday candles that must be over twenty years old because they go back to Amber's sixth birthday but, hey, they are still good. A size D battery that might be a part of the new automatic cat feeder.

Dedicate one to keys - spare keys, bike keys, neighbor keys, bike lock keys, padlock keys, fence keys, shed keys, storage shed keys (remember the pass code to get in, write it down, attach to key) keys you have no idea what they go to anymore but can't do be too safe don't throw them out. And of course a plethora of key rings.

Make a space for the scotch tape, duct tape, packing tape - both kinds, clear and tan. Then staples and stapler, too bad the three hole punch won't fit in, good thing the scissors are in the pen cup. As well as an exactoknife because the exacto blades are in the razor blades box. Honor that the toothpicks are in their own container.

Glasses cleaner - cloth, as well as the little packs of photographic lens wipes that Chip bought for his cameras, and the bottle of solution scored at a show in San Francisco presented by Money Magazine on the opportunities to invest in Marijuana products that is still somehow your favorite, maybe because the plastic container is peridot green.

Find a smallish recycled container, one that you've already lost the lid for (well that's true of most) just to throw in all of the remaining ephemera - Plastic bread bag closings you always want to throw away but somehow your husband adores: miscellaneous buttons that maybe match to something in your to-be-sewn pile: clothespins masquerading as clips for bags of frozen spinach or tortilla chips; the weird metal angle with the tiny nail you have no idea what it goes to; Xmas lite bulb fuses; The second knob for the stove because one broke but they're only sold in pairs; The big blue stick of chalk for writing FREE on the sidewalk anytime you have succulent cuttings or an office chair ready to be given away to the whims of the curb; A green felt cat toy that jingles softly.

When it gets cluttered, start again. Notice what piles up, what lingers. The ebb and the flow. The flotsam and the jetsam. Ask yourself the deeper questions, activate your inner Marie Kondo, be brutally honest - Do you really need that many Ikea Allen wrenches?

Close the drawer. Be at peace.

June 1, 2022

Thoughts on Bagels


Thoughts on
Bagels

I was only introduced to my first bagel when I was nineteen, a frosh at Wesleyan in Connecticut. I had gotten off the required meal plan as I had lost fifteen pounds my first semester, and gained one doctor's note, though I doubt they thought bagels would be my prescription.


My roommate Ilana and I would go to the University Cafe and split a plate. Plain, lightly toasted, served with cream cheese, I would place the thinly sliced red onions, capers and tomatoes on her half, while I enjoyed the generous portion of lox. Soon it became as addictive as my daily coffee and camel lights.


During my junior year, when I was an exchange student at UCSC, I had a brief fling with my dealer, who worked the graveyard shift at the Bagelry. I remember the burns on her wrists, our sleepless nights when we drove across the country, the incessant east coast joke, "time to make the donuts," another carb with a hole.


After my senior year, my next girlfriend and I crossed the country, stopping at her grandmother's house in Kansas City, Kansas. I pulled my Honda into the long driveway and Herb, Grandma Kay's second husband, came rushing out, yelling, "Haven't you ever heard of Pearl Harbor?" and made me park out on the street. Later, we all went to the grocery store for breakfast items. I picked up a pack of bagels, and again Herb confronted me, "What, you eat that Jew food?"


When we moved back to Santa Cruz, I rediscovered the joys of the Bagelry, including their fabulous Pink Flamingo smear. Cheaper than lox but packed with flavor, that and a can of coke became a lunch staple. However, I was only making minimum wage at Aries Arts in Capitola, a hippy store that sold tons of tie-dye, incense, and tarot cards. Money was tight, and I realized that for the same price I could get a six pack of Lenders onion bagels, a tub of cream cheese, a pack of sliced lox, and a six pack of coke. Lenders bagels were small, dense, and compact, but I didn't complain. 


Eventually I opened the Herland Women's Book-Cafe at 902 Center Street. We had the most amazing vegan ricotta basil tofu spread. I’ll find the recipe. I'd eat this daily on whole wheat bagel, which are even denser than the Lenders, but they burned nicely. I do like my bagels well done. After our four year agreement was up, I bought out my business partner. On my first day running the cafe by myself, a regular customer yelled at me for toasting her bagel. I burst into tears as she stormed out, never to be seen again.


Two years later, we lost our lease and I closed the cafe. The bookstore moved over to Cedar street, and I would hop on over to Noah's, where I would indulge in garlic cheddar bagels, toasted dark, with just butter. If I felt particularly flush, I'd add sliced smoked salmon. At some point I lost my taste for cream cheese.


Six years later, between Borders Books opening in Santa Cruz and  the recession after 9/11, I realized I was not making it as a single mom. I decided to close the bookstore and went back to school, exchanging retail therapy for hypnotherapy. During that time, my daughter only ate about five foods, all either white or yellow, and bagels became a manna of its own. I was always more tolerant than her other parent since I'd been such a fussy eater as a kid. 


Now, Chip and I tend to go to CostCo and get the two pack of bagels - one "Everything" and one Asiago. We slice them in two as soon as we get home, then freeze half of them. Pre Slicing has made a world of difference, because slicing a frozen bagel sucks, and they get doughy and weird in the microwave. 


I'm not a huge fan of the "Everything" bagel because I'm not fond of fennel, but these are the little compromises in a marriage. I'll cut the slices in half again, so that when we split the bagel we each get both a bottom and top. I'll butter up each piece, add freshly shmooshed avocado, a squirt of Meyer lemon from the neighbor’s tree, and a dash of celery salt. I pop these onto our favorite cobalt blue ceramic plates, grab the red poppy floral napkins, and present with a flourish.


May 4, 2022

Recipe for Love - Four of Quiche

Recipe for Love - Four of Quiche


Start with four pre-made pie crusts unless you feel adventurous and want to make the pie crust yourself. Why four? Because pie crusts come in pairs, and it’s just as easy to make two as one, and just as easy to make four as two, and it freezes beautifully. Remember to take a fork and poke holes at the bottom for a more even-cooking and to release steam.


Add a layer of grated cheese - cheddar, Irish cheddar, jack, or even feta - enough to cover the bottoms of the crust.

 

Top this with a layer of sofrito, which is a combination of minced yellow onion, a whole head of chopped garlic sauteed in butter with a buttload of spices: rosemary, thyme, oregano, and basil.


Add a layer of protein. This could mean various meats- Sliced deli turkey, pink tender ham, picked apart rotisserie chicken, crispy bacon or even some fried spam. Diced curried tofu or smokey tempeh are yummy too.


Next add your vegetables: Raw broccoli, steamed spinach, sliced tomatoes, fresh asparagus, oily artichoke hearts, even green peas. Play the mix and match game.


For each quiche, you’ll need:

4 eggs

1 cup of milk

1/4 teaspoon of salt

1/4 teaspoon dry mustard

3 tablespoons of flour


Beat the eggs and milk together, then sift in the remaining ingredients. You can also add more spices - garlic powder, onion powder, a dash of ubiquitous salt and pepper. Pour in your custard: Use a fork or gently jiggle the pan for gentle disbursement. Sprinkle the tops with paprika.


Bake at 375° for 50 minutes


Quiche is ready when the custard pulls from the sides of the pan or you can stick a knife in and it comes out clean. Let cool for 15 to 20 minutes. Serve with sour cream or emo or slices of fresh avocado. 

 

Freeze your extra quiche. Thaw in the fridge overnight or pop on the counter for 4 to 6 hours. Reheat in microwave, toaster oven, or air fryer and enjoy.


May 3, 2018

Thoughts on Cats

It's two in the morning and I don't know how,
You awake me with barely a sound.
There was a time you were more nimble,
And it was easy for you to go out the window.

But now with arthritis in each of your hips,
You hop down the stairs with little bunny blips.
I let you out, grumbling back up the stairs,
But just an hour later, it's the same old fare.

Now I can hear you, crying crystal clear,
I'm worried you'll wake all of the neighbors here.
So again I work my way down the flight,
Letting you back in, my shadow of the night.

You are my kindred, my companion right now,
All you have to do is " just say meow"!
I'll do anything, because deep in my heart,
When it comes to cats, I'm generous to a fault.



Kayla Garnet Rose, Ph.D.
Certified Hypnotherapist, Reiki Master, Mindfulness Coach



   

March 12, 2014

Thoughts on Change

I ran into an old friend I hadn't seen in 10 years in a coffee shop. "Wow!" she said, "You look so different!" I thought to myself, "Thank goodness" since ten years ago I was incredibly unhappy, dissatisfied and depressed.

I realize that change scares some people, especially if it challenges their notions of what should be constant. Even in Santa Cruz, where many perceive both sexuality and gender as being fluid, any transitions are met with suspicion and the attitude that somehow you have betrayed the community.

I still get asked the question, "But Kayla, how do you identify?" Truthfully, I identify as a Libra and a healer rather than trying to define my self by the person I am sleeping with or the length of my hair. And guess what, I am happy, satisfied and enjoying my life now more than ever. Label spices, not people.

If you are struggling with change or the acceptance for your changes, give me a call for some hypnotherapy to set up internal resources, release fears, and invite your glorious being to continue to unfold and evolve!

Warmly,

Kayla

Dr. Kayla Garnet Rose, PhD, CHT

www.KaylaGarnetRose.com
(831) 435-5182

November 16, 2009

Thoughts on Work & Play

Work is love made visible - Anon.


"The best part about being self-employed is you get to choose your OWN eighty hours a week."- Random joke

As I self-employed person, let alone as a single mom, I have to choose between working all the time or playing at my work. I choose play. Everyday I find myself changing my language - I play with my clients, I play on my computer, I play in the garden, I even play house. And yes, I play with money...


Everything in my house is painted - "People with no TV, what should we paint tonight?" From murals on the walls to the glass on the kitchen cabinets, every light fixture to the toilet in the guest bathroom, everything is decorated in one form or another. Gunilla Norris says,

Ah, time to dust again
Time to appreciate by touch
what I love and cherish
The most...

I put glitter on the handle of the feather duster, anoint the scared ostrich feathers (a royal and regal bird) with essential oils, blessing my house as I wave my "fairy duster". All the windows are open, music is on the stereo, the creation of order feels joyous despite routine. This is the everyday work of being a priestess in her temple.

Everything has a sticker on it. I despise brand names and conspire to change my universe to reflect my reality. Even the "anti aging wrinkle cream" becomes "Smooth on Good Boundaries Today" with the help of a decal of Durga and a sharpie. I buy pretty paper to print all my office forms, decorating my checkbook as the Sacred Record Keeper of Perpetual Abundance.

Each day I play on the computer - I create websites, blogs, Tweets and Facebook posts, striving to inspire an unknown audience to hear the cosmic giggles of celestial encouragement pouring down from the stars. It is so different from old school advertising, but this form of using social networks for playful marketing keeps my schedule booked well in advance and makes me happy.

I play with my persona, with my image and my looks, and I encourage others to do likewise. I ran into an old friend who exclaimed, "You look completely different!" Thank gawd, I thought, because you look exactly the same. One of the most important things I do is to give myself permission, to be my authentic self, tattoos and all.

I play with energy - whether doing a tarot reading or an astrology chart, leading a guided meditation or channelling reiki. My business is called Tools for Transformation but really, it could be called Toys for Transformation. I work at playing and play at work, and I feel blessed to practice happiness, to play at being me, every single day.

Blessed be.

November 12, 2009

Exercise 3: The Absence of Play

I notice the absence of play when I mourn the past. A deep darkness, slamming my head against the wall. Heavy in my chest and in my bones. Like permanent low blood sugar. Everything is an effort. My throat is tight and sore, my eyes want to cry. I am missing someone, some time when life did feel joyful and fun. The feeling is of no return. The absence of playfulness is somber, mournful and heavy.

I notice it creeping into my consciousness in small, insidious ways. It's my mom's voice, admonishing me to tone down my jewel tones and paint the walls of my house beige in order for it to rent for the most money. It's my dad's voice, telling me to get "a real job", preferably corporate. Become more conservative, take out that nose ring, cover your tattoos. The absence of play is very beige. Or grey. Greige.

It is ugly, plain, boring, humdrum, the taste of metal file cabinets. It's forgetting to make things beautiful as well as functional. It's the feeling of I have to do it all by myself - all the decisions, all the phone calls, all the chores, all the errands. This feels plain ol' tiring.

The absence of play is the absence of joy.

The absence of life.

October 9, 2009

Day 9: Who are my resources for Abundance?

I am currently teaching a course on Creative Abundance: Nine Weeks to Greater Prosperity at Twin Lakes College. In the first class we did a meditation to answer 9 essential questions and to come up with 9 essential answers to each. The homework was to finish the lists & then illustrate each section with a drawing, photo, or collage. I decided to post mine to my blog over the next nine days, as the internet has an amazing way to amplify energy and put thoughts & energy out to the Universe. The last question is: Who are my resources for Abundance?

1. Santa Cruz Women's Chapter of Leads Club
2. Twin Lakes College of the Healing Arts
3. Dr.Z's MindBody Shop
4. My current clients
5. Chamber of Commerce
7. Pantheacon/Pagan Community
8. Herland customers
9. National Guild of Hypnotistss and other local hypnotherapists

Blessed be my Abundant Life!

Take a moment to ponder & then tell me, who are your resources for Abundance?

October 8, 2009

Day 8: What are my steps to Abundance?

"A vision without a plan is just a daydream"-Anon

Day 8: What are my steps to Abundance?

1. Be honest with myself regarding finances
2. Meet with my financial planner
3. Analyze my taxes
4. Promote myself through FaceBook, Twitter, etc
5. Promote business consulting at Leads
6. Review my leases
7. Create more promotional materials
8. Explore the Chamber of Commerce
9. Eat breakfast, drink water.

Blessed be my Abundant Life!

Take a moment to ponder & then tell me, what steps are you willing to take now?

October 7, 2009

Day 7: My perfect abundant client

My perfect client:

1. Emails me for appointments
2. Pays me in cash, in full, up front
3. Is on time
4. Is invested in participating in their own healing
5. Refers me to friends, family, colleagues and coworkers
6. Buys gift certificates, artwork, audo tapes and my books
7. Gets more than they expected, every session
8. Sees me at least 10 times, whether once a week, once a month, or once a year
9. Loves me!

Blessed be my Abundant Life!

Take a moment to ponder & then tell me, who is your perfect client, customer, patient?

October 6, 2009

Day 6: Where do I feel balance?

Where do I feel in balance with my Abundance?

I feel balanced in:
1. Work and play
2. My checkbook and my FarmBook
3. Exercise and being lazy
4. Nutritious foods and treats
5. Giving and receiving
6. Being alone and being social
7. In my heart and in my mind
8. My male and female aspects
9. My indoor cat Poppy and my outdoor cat Mango

Blessed be my Abundant Life!

Take a moment to ponder & then tell me, Where do you feel balance in your abundance??

October 5, 2009

Day 5: Personal Sources of Abundance

I am the source...


What are my personal sources of abundance?
1. Hypnotherapy
2. Astrology
3. Reiki
4. Tarot
5. Business consulting
6. Dr.Z's MindBody Shop
7. My enthusiasm
8. My parents
9. Teaching
Blessed be my Abundant Life!

Take a moment to ponder & then tell me, what are your personal sources of abundance?

October 4, 2009

Day 4: What do I hate or fear about abundance?

"All healing is essentially the release from fear"- Rumi

False Evidence Appearing Real

What do I hate or fear about abundance?
1. I fear I'm not making enough to support my family and my lifestyle
2. I fear I'm not good enough at what I do
3. I hate taxes
4. I hate credit card debt
5. I hate feeling like I'm struggling
6. I feel blocked at times by my own habits
7. I fear not being able to pay for my kid's college
8. I fear leaving debt if I die now
9. I feel too stupid to do my own taxes

Blessed be my Abundant Life!

Take a moment to ponder & then tell me, what do you hate or fear about Abundance?

October 3, 2009

Day 3: What do I love about Abundance?

"Speak to the queen within, and the queen will answer" -Norwegian proverb

To be in gratitude is to recognize what we are grateful for, what we value in our lives. Today's key question is: What do I LOVE about Abundance? What do I appreciate? What do I enjoy? Writing goals and steps to goals are key in achieving what we desire. Whether you journal or blog, start by listing what you love...

1. I love going out to eat, eating well, eating healthy & organic foods
2. I love paying my bills the day they arrive without a second thought
3. I love buying my kid a new netbook and want to buy her stuff she can use
4. I love buying garden stuff - especially mulch
5. I love having time to myself
6. I love having good boundaries and being able to say "no" to overextending myself
7. I love feeling strong and healthy in my body
8. I love contributing to my community
9. I love adoring/adorning myself, with beautiful clothes and jewels, taking the time with my skin and hair, treating myself as a queen...

Blessed be my Abundant Life!

Take a moment to ponder & then tell me, what do you love about Abundance?

October 2, 2009

Day 2: What are my Intentions?

"Abundance is, in a large part, an attitude." It all starts with affirmations, and that oh so important question, what are my intentions?

My intentions:
1. I will quit my part time job and have a full time private practice
2. I will grow my practice so that I am booked one month in advance and I need to refer out to other practitioners
3. I will increase my classes at Twin Lakes
4. I will pay off my current debts easily and effortlessly
5. I will invite my life partner to live with me and share our resources
6. I will continue to fund my trust
7. I will publish my book of spells
8. I will publish and sell my meditation cds
9. I will design 2 websites a month for other healing practitioners

Blessed be my Abundant Life!

Take a moment to ponder & then tell me, what are your intentions?

October 1, 2009

Day 1: Thoughts on Abundance

I am currently teaching a course on Creative Abundance: Nine Weeks to Greater Prosperity at Twin Lakes College. In the first class we did a meditation to answer 9 essential questions and to come up with 9 essential answers to each. The homework was to finish the lists & then illustrate each section with a drawing, photo, or collage. I decided to post mine to my blog over the next nine days, as the internet has an amazing way to amplify energy and put thoughts & energy out to the Universe. The first question is: what does abundance mean to me?

1. Abundance of Money means I can buy what I want and what I need
2. Abundance of Time means I can do whatever I want to, whenever I want
3. An Abundance of Clients means I can earn right livelihood
4. An Abundance of Health means I have energy and viality, and feel great in my body
5. An Abundance of Love means I can give generously and serve my community
6. Abundance means planting the seeds of peace, seeds of love, seeds of change and seed money; sharing the harvest, and being wise enough to save for my future
7. An Abundance of Power means I can lead and I can follow
8. Abundance of Wealth means I can love my house, my garden, my car, my furniture, my clothes - I appreciate my assets and my assets appreciate
9. An abundance of Helpful People means I have all the resources i need, as well as being a resourceful person. I am always guided and always provided.

Blessed be my Abundant Life!

Take a moment to ponder & then tell me, what does abundance mean to you?

September 9, 2009

Thoughts on Values

It's 09/09/09 and spam texts (spexts?) about what a lucky day you will have by forwarding this message. "Luck is being prepared for opportunity when it comes" is what springs to mind, this Moon in Taurus and Mercury Retrograde Tuesday.

I started the day around 6:30 am posting on Twitter that now was a good time to re-assess all you value most. Health, time, money, possessions, resources or laughter? Send thanks.

At 7:30 am I began my Leads group by writing on the board "What do I value? In myself, in my business, in my clients?" and had the members meditate upon this during our 60 seconds of silence. At the end of the meeting, during our second promotional, members shared what it was they valued.

It was so powerful to hear these 20 women affirm over and over how much they valued being connected to their clients, for being in service, and for being able to give their gifts, whether the ancient art of acupuncture, sound advice on healthy nutrition, or the ability to bring ease and organization into someone's life.

Taurus rules the second house in astrology: our physical bodies, physical homes, gardens, possessions, money, all that we "have" in our lives. We hear a lot about "family values" as some sort of moral staging, but to value something means to take care of it, to cherish and tend to it. I'm getting ready to teach my class on Creative Abundance in a few weeks, and what came to me today was: "In order for your Assets to Appreciate—Appreciate your Assets." Just watch - it'll be my next tweet.

Mercury is just kissing Libra before sliding back into the arms of Virgo, who could be aptly named Sweeping Beauty. All of my appointments today had the theme of "cleaning house", those psychic cobwebs of the mind. What with Jupiter retro all summer, a lot of folks have felt stuck in a glut - Jupiter can be the gourmet or the gourmand. The gourmet wants the finest in life - the gourmand just wants to have his cake and then eat two. The opportunity for reviewing one's health and in particular one's habits is really up for grabs right now. Notice what used to be comforting is now just comfortable. It's time to stop medicating and start meditating. Value your body, value your personal space, and begin to make small gentle adjustments to ease yourself into a sense of well being.

So what do I value? Here's what I shared:


I value myself, my business and my clients.
I value the trust my clients put into me.
I value the stories that they share-It keeps me humble and it keeps me helpful.

I value being a helpful person.
I value being a resource.
If I can't help you, I probably know somebody who can.


I value sharing the tools that I have learned.
I know they have made a difference in my life
and that they create ease in the lives of others.


I value my education.
I value my 23 years of experience.
I value myself as a good listener.


I value my integrity.

Blessed Be.

And remember, you create your own luck!

August 10, 2009

Thoughts on Construction

Discontent is the first step to progress
(Chinese Proverb)

The one thing I do know about construction: it always takes three times as long and costs three times more than you planned. Last April I first started some construction in my house, deciding to take out the old carpets in the bedroom and replace with laminate flooring. This decision stemmed from health issues, and deciding to look at how to clean up my environment as part of an alternative health program for asthma.

My mom was an interior designer, then an architect, and our house was constantly the show case or under construction. The running joke was: as soon as the Master bathroom was complete in any house, we moved. And moved we did. When I came to America at 15, my bedroom was framed, but lacked drywall. I started working on my mom's construction teams, adding tiling and landscaping to my budding resume.

Three planets in Virgo plus a Swedish mother has made me be the tidiest person on earth, and if there's anything I hate, it's mess. I picked the house I live in now for a reason: minimal construction. As far as I was concerned, my house was just a blank slate, waiting to be painted in, but I always loved the design, the basic structure of the place. It never needed anything major till now.

I hired a contractor to rip out the carpets & haul them to the dump, wanting to avoid the allergens, but quite willing to install the flooring myself. Or should I say, with the help of my mom. My dad & I do lunch - My mom and I do projects. It's the only time we seem to get along. Probably because she can tell me what to do.

But the contractor had worse news - termites. Now I had to hire an inspector and go through a few bids, and here was that extra time and expense so intrinsic to construction. But as I surveyed the raw wood of the sub-flooring today and contemplated the termite feng shui, I could really see in what stations of my life things were just bugging me. What had been eating away at me lately?

I haven't been blogging in a while, but I've been doing a lot of journaling that will eventually get turned into blog posts. I've been busy teaching my summer tarot class, and one of the requirements is keeping a tarot journal, so I've been sketching a bunch lately. I am constructing my reality, tearing down all that was damaged or decomposing, making improvements for more space, more light, and more ease in my life.

I also teach a class on the law of attraction and the power of desire, key word, desire. Without desire we would never improve, never change, never evolve as human beings. I'd put myself out on a limb quite recently, and while the part of having a crush that sucks is the crushed part, I discovered I was not willing to lower my standards. Instead, I am ready for better, ready for improvements.
I am the Source
of all strength and power

With every breath I take
The flames of zeal and passion
Burn brighter in me.

My body is a sacred temple
And my soul fills it
With song and laughter.

I make my dreams reality
With each day that passes.

My mind contains
The infinite blueprint
of my success.

My life, love and joy
Are unstoppable waves
Shaping the world
With every beat of my heart.

I choose to liberate
My power
Today.
(from Fierce Magazine)

As far as my house goes, in the end I decided to go green with Coast Termite and do an Orange Oil Treatment. The inspector was great, and the two technicians who later came were knowledgeable, friendly, and one even confessed to being a dungeon master at a go-go bar after seeing my framed print of kd lang and Cindy Crawford. What can I say - these are the moments I love my life.

I met my mom for a deceptively good morning at Ikea. Let's just say my mother could be a travel agent for guilt trips. After tacking down meters of foam padding and removing base boards, we have finally begun laying down the flooring itself. I have no doubt it will look beautiful - I have no doubt, it will be months more work and more money on my credit card as well.

The road to success
Is always under construction
(Chinese Proverb)

July 9, 2009

10 Things Anyone Can Do to Promote Peace


1. Smile at people you don't know
2. Share your wealth when people ask for help
3. Give hugs generously
4. Play win-win games with children
5. Sing and dance
6. Drive less and exercise more
7. Meditate quietly
8. Listen deeply
9. Speak truthfully even if your voice shakes
10. Acknowledge the impermanence of life

May 2, 2009

Thoughts on Neighbors

After a windy, stormy week, I came home last Wednesday to discover one of the enormous branches of my Chinese Elm had ripped and broken. It had narrowly missed the roof, broken some of the birch branches, and was smashing the jasmine, ferns and Camila by the side of the house. I looked at in wonder, noticing that the whole tree had shifted - if I removed the branch, the other side might topple too.

Last night's rain let Nature do the pruning for me - another huge branch lay in the street. Thank goodness no one was parked - let alone walking - there. I walked out of the house this morning armed with my clippers, snoppers, and 16" Remington. Yes, I am a woman with a chainsaw, watch out.

Overwhelmed but undaunted, I thought of the Helen Keller quote "I am only one but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something..." I figured it would take 3 to 4 days to clear the debris, depending of course on the weather. As I began laboriously to alternate between chainsawing the larger branches into firewood and kindling, the smaller pieces into piles for the dump and piles for mulch, I began to attract the attention of the neighbors.

First came Drunky the Clown, my creepy neighbor who offered to fell the whole tree and chop it into firewood for a twelve pack. "No thanks" I said, thinking, I would have paid him a hundred bucks easy if he had asked for money, but it was so tawdry his request for beer. Not only was it not worth it to contribute to his alcoholism, the thought of spending an afternoon together gave me the serious heebie jeebies.

Next came Ben, a tattooed hulk of a man who lives up the street, coming home from his daily run. We bantered about fitness, biking, and Zumba. "You could ask Scott to help" he quipped, flexing his muscles.

"Yeah, he already offered, but I've already decided that I can chop wood, carry water, drink beer" I said. "Of course, I won't drink beer till after I'm done with the chainsaw."

Ben laughed and asked me to go out dancing sometime. "Sure," I said, "They have salsa at the wharf on Sundays." Meanwhile, thinking, okay Coyote, what is this about?

Next came Christine, who kindly offered her husband's help when he came back from taking the boys to a birthday party. I love a neighbor willing to volunteer her spouse, but I wondered how Marcus would feel about it. Anita, who feeds all the cats on the street, stopped to give her two cents, but I also knew that she would be watching me the rest of the day from her front window. Don't get me wrong - Anita is not really a nosy neighbor but a guardian angel, watching to make sure I was okay, weilding a power saw and all.

By now I had filled two green cycle cans as well as creating three more slash piles to eventually haul to the dump, and had created enough kindling to last at least a few winters. It was about 2pm when I stopped to make some fresh coffee, eat a banana and some rye crackers. I started thinking about Feng Shui and how this corner of the yard fell into the helpful people section of the Bagua. "What am I supposed to learn from this?" I wondered. "Let there be a clearing in all my helpful beings, visible and invisible. Let me be a helpful being to my friends and neighbors, clients and community. Let me be open to receiving help now" I prayed.

"Do you want to borrow my double blade saw?" a friendly voice broke my reverie. "Hi, I'm Bill. We have a brand new baby!" My new neighbor was beaming all over. I introduced myself, congratulating him on the family addition, and welcomed his assistance. For someone with a brand bew baby, he had a lot of energy. Maybe he figured it was karma - his wife had just labored, so should he.

My hands were sore from the vibrating chain saw, my shoulders cramped from the weight, my jaw tense as I kept reminding myself to let the saw do the work, let gravity do it's job, and keep that scary churning saw blade away from my body, away from my body. I continued to work when Marcus drove up, boys and helium balloons a plenty in the minivan. "What happened?" His kind face concerned. I explained for the umpteenth time the top heavy trees, the storm, the fact that I would have been gardening anyway today, just never imagined this huge of a project.

I thought about the fact that my ex and I planted trees each year on our anniversary, and that interestingly enough, all five had died in the last year. Another Chinese Elm had its roots eaten by gophers and fell into neighbors yard. I cut down three Liquid Ambers when I discovered their roots had grown into my plumbing, causing close to $8000 in repairs last year. And now this one, ripped to shreds by the proverbial winds of change.

I thought about being a gardener and the need to prune things back for fresh growth, a metaphor for my life, my career, my relationships. I remembered when my Dad was going through chemo for lymphatic cancer, now over ten years ago. I wrote a poem then:


My Dad’s 67th Birthday

I pruned the apple tree
Way back, I said

Bare bones


My father laughed

Slipped off his black wool fishers hat

His skull pale and waxy

Wisps of gray hair, survivors of this blasted land, or

fresh growth struggling to rejuvenate

replenish, refoliate


Me too, he whispered

Bare bones


March 1998


Bill showed up his big ass, gas powered double blade that put my puny Remington to shame. He showed me the clutch and how to fire it up, but I'm sure he saw how intimidated I really felt. "Where should we chop it?" he asked, and proceeded to rock my arbor world. I don't know if I've ever met a sweeter man. So sincere, so helpful. Marcus took over the snoppers while another neighbor appeared with a green cycle can, and in less than two hours the whole tree was gone. They literally saved me days of work, Bill even offering to do a dump run for me.

Unfortunately, Drunky the Clown would circle around every ten minutes on his bike and harass us. A stick got caught in his bike wheel, whacking his shin, and he began to threaten to sue me. He was so irate and bitter, ranting on how he had just talked to Ben about me, annoyed that I had agreed to a date when he had been bringing me chocolate covered macadamia nuts from Hawaii every Christmas for the last four years, and wasn't I gay, anyways? Whatever. His bitterness was such an interesting contrast to my other neighbors sweetness, their sheer kindness in helping me out today.

Now I'm exhausted, sitting on the couch contemplating the new view from the window, thinking about giving and receiving help, thinking about pruning things back for fresh growth, thinking about what to make for dinner. Mostly, I have a sense of this is how peace on earth can happen - one neighbor at a time.