Empty Cup

This morning as I started together ready to go on a four day retreat up in the Russian River area, I cleaned my office. As they say, nothing gets us more productive than the last minute. I had already cleaned the crystal water glasses I have for my 3 clients a day- 3 of cups, in the tarot, mental anguish resulting in emotional distress, the traditional image of a heart stabbed through with three swords.

But now I took a moment to polish my own glass. Crystal, yes, but different from the others, larger to start - I drink a lot of water during sessions. 4 of cups in the Tarot, overcoming sorrow after grief, a card I identify with as the wounded healer.

There is a tradition in Japan where each night one drinks a glass of water, then puts it face down to indicate, "I am done, everything is complete, I could die at peace tonight." Then, in the morning, hooray! You wake up alive, fill that cup again, and start a brand new day.

So I flipped my cup over. I was done. I was ready. New moon in Scorpio, let me be transformed and begin anew. That was the unexpected gift in the bowl, a giggle from Coyote, a long look in the mirror, a decision to change my story, a decision made long ago now ready to be acted upon. A feeling of peace, a calm anticipation, a reason to get up in the morning as well as reassurance in my mind in the night.

Blessed Be.

Small Changes

Ruby-throated hummingbird
Sending me hot flashes
Hormonal morse code
Brilliant crimson embed
Stillness in constant motion

Spiderwebs connote stillness
Ancient mansions with 
Dusty sheets over furniture

Yet the spider is in constant motion
Working and reworking
Never bitching or moaning
Like I do

Here is another day
Another routine
Maybe a small change in the pattern
To create perpetual improvement

Blessings in Disguise

"There is a blessing on the wide road".  - w.s.merwin

Come and gather together, it's that time of year,
Here at the crossroads, your direction is clear.
Go ahead and welcome Hecate with a grin,
Here comes Papa Legba, remember to invite him in.

Offer up a glass of water, a prayer of gratitude,
A smooth river rock, a forgiving attitude.
Light some sage and lavender, clear the space,
Have some colorful candles to illuminate the place.

Take a moment to pause, time for reflection,
No matter what, you're in the right direction.
And as you turn the corner, sweet surprise,
Anything could be a blessing in disguise.


Happy New Year!
Love and Light,

Kayla

Thoughts on Silence

How noisy I am, trying to be quiet. The scrape of the chair, the rattle of a drawer, the shuffling sounds as I dig through my bags. I take my time, like a bird building her nest, putting things away, hanging others up, making room for art supplies.

When I awake at 2:30 am with another hot flash, I think about the retreat facilitator asking about the silence inside. What is the difference between quiet and silence? I notice it easy to share silence with my daughter, while I am often quiet with my husband.

With my daughter, walking together to work, after a few comments about the cats and the weather, we simply walk, we don't talk. Sometimes she's on her phone, texting, connecting, doing what she enjoys, the more virtual the relationship the better sometimes. She is intelligent and romantic, introverted, and has been reluctant at the best to learn how to drive, which is fine by me. Here is where I am generous, if not spoiling, I indulge her capricious whims and rarely ask her to help with housework beyond putting away the dishes. However, we get along, travel well together, give each other space, and she always rolls her eyes at my bad jokes.

My husband and I can be silent, but he has much to say, and I find it easier to be quiet than to respond to his politics and beliefs, an easy way to avoid an argument. And easy not to share my own perusals, simply because I think he will not take me seriously, like times during my Ph.D. program exploring alternative healing. Quiet can be the path of least resistance, but I worry the silence could erode our relationships as it has in my past. As they say, "Silence is consent."

I enjoy putting everything in its place, it's pleasing to me that all will remain just so for these few days, not dealing with other peoples their clutter, no incessant small talk, especially first thing in the morning when I am the most contemplative, the most reflective.

When I think about generosity, I recognize the need to give myself that space - whether I meditate or mess around on the computer playing games, it's my transition time to the day. Chip always wants to talk about dreams. I always want to respond. We are good together that way, but I've had to learn to adapt. I notice it was easier to pay attention to when we only had a few precious days each weekend. His daily neediness is as much of a mixed bag as how I feel about the cats - yes, I love you, but please get off my lap and out of my face. I need this time to compose myself for a day of clients,  let alone friends, daughter, husband, the cats.

As I flutter and mutter to myself after this good putter, I do notice the moments of stillness, the inner silence, the fleeting peace. Then the gerbil in my head starts up again, "...and then I'll get some coffee and then I'll take a shower and then I'll start on the watercolors..." It's not that this is a voice I do not want to listen to, but it is repetitive and unoriginal, it wears me out with its constant need for clatter and nose.

Being in silence helps me hear the birds, the creak of the stairs, the hum of my electric toothbrush that seems so out of place. Thank goodness I didn't bring my vibrator. Even the ubiquitous sound of my electric fan has been silenced. Spacing out through the window, it's easy to hear the cacophony of a sudden burst of honking, the traffic in the distance, tuning more closely into the hum of hummingbird wings, the cry of the raven. I notice the spiderweb threads, vibrating silver in the sunlight. What sounds, what music does it make with the wind? Will I be able to hear it as I go deeper within?

Blessed Be.

Even Fairy Elves Need Reiki

Fairy Elves love Reiki

You may remember the visit from the Easter Bunny for Reiki last Spring... Well, even Fairy Elves know the importance of self-care and self-love during the busy holiday season, and come in for some Reiki to feel refreshed, revitalized, and rejuvenated!

Reiki taps into Universal energy and is channeled through intrinsic touch. We all know that premies thrive in hospitals when held - and this is the same gentle, loving, healing touch that is safe, soothing, and deeply comforting, allowing the body to do it's own natural healing.

Reiki sessions are done fully dressed, with a gentle laying on of hands or holding energy above key body points, corresponding to the meridians used in acupuncture and acupressure, chakra centers, and trigger points from traditional massage. It is perfect for anyone who can not receive regular massage for any reason - fibromyalgia, cancer, abuse survivor, highly sensitive or deeply shy - but still wants to receive the benefits of deep relaxation, releasing emotional blocks and mental stagnation, as well as experiencing more clarity, balance, and overall resiliency.

So remember to treat yourself this busy season with your own personal retreat at the Rose Sanctuary, and gift yourself the time and space to reflect, recalibrate, and start the New Year listening to your inner voice saying, "Thank you - my needs have been met."

Mercury Retrospect

I feel my heart in my chest, heavy and weighted,
Secrets locked deep, shields up.
Hibernating, stewing in my mental juices,
A cauldron of the past percolates memories.

I stir, notice what comes up to the surface,
What is on my mind, my roller coaster of emotions.
Swallowing the little things, let them go,
Moving upon bigger things, purging the past.

Giving myself permission
To cultivate more lightheartedness,
I allow myself to laugh...
With the universal trickster, coyote.

The witch cackling over her bubbles,
Completion of spells, the casting out of doubts...
The transformation has begun.

Nature's Generosity

Driving out to the lighthouse at Point Reyes, seeing the long stretches of shoreline washing turquoise over the sand, reminds me of the generosity of nature, the infinite caresses along the shoreline, the enduring patience of the sea.

The ocean is bountiful and generous in her treasures, feeding us, giving us ways to transport our goods and travel the world. The wind provides free energy for sails, the sun is just asking to harvest her rays. Even the times I see the kudzu overtaking a rusty truck, here is nature simply reclaiming with infinitesimal confidence the natural order of entropy and return to the source. 

The cows chew their cud, not knowing who they will feed, with steak and ribs, unperturbed by their fate, accepting the random kindness of a stranger rubbing their face, giving free grass over the barbwire fence when I stopped by the side of the road to take a picture of the red barn in the grey fog. 

The crows have plenty say, doling out caws and criticism, chattering in the redwood tree outside the bay window. Maybe so do I. As I stretch my back and shoulders, breathing in the clarifying breeze, I ruffle my own feathers, present in the moment, aware of the luxury of time. And not only do I have plenty of time - but every moment counts.

Adventures of A Baby Moon

 Join Claire de la Lune in The Adventures of Baby Moon. A charming illustrated children's book filled with pleasing watercolors, perfect for reading at story time, bedtime or any time. Claire discovers the seasons, connects with family and friends, and yes, even helps to save the day. Written and illustrated by Kayla Garnet Rose, Ph.D.

This is my granddaughter Claire who was born on October 21, 2018. I wrote and illustrated this book to honor her parents, the Moon Family, and as a surprise gift for their baby shower.


I had taken a class in illustrating children's books last spring at Cabrillo College, as well as classes in both watercolor and travel sketching. We got to go on field trips to Moss Landing, Castro Adobe State Park in Watsonville, the Sesnon House in Aptos, and a wonderful day painting at the Shadowbrook in Capitola.

I wrote the poem after my stepdaughter came in for a hypnobirthing session. After printing it out on white paper, I ripped out each verse and colored the edges to create a scroll-like feel, then glued them into my sketchbook where I had prepared the watercolor backgrounds embellished with some pen and ink details.

Next, I scanned all the images into the computer to create a PDF which I could upload to KindleDirect, which also had a tool in order to create the front and back covers. I ordered a proof and next thing I knew, voila, a book was born.

I have two more children's books in the works, one tentatively titled, Grandma's Got Tattoos. My intention is to create books that appeal to the imagination, are lighthearted and whimsical, and are easily enjoyed by both kids and grown-ups alike. These will be based on some of the classic hypnosis scripts such as The Hero's Journey and I hope they will be especially suitable for those with ADD and ADHD to find solutions to feel calm, focused, and relaxed. 

The book is currently available for sale at the Monterey Bay Marine Sanctuary Exploration Center's gift and bookshop. Ask your favorite local bookstore or simply click on the link below to order your copy of The Adventures of a Baby Moon, and as always, thank you for all the support, constructive criticism, suggestions, and heartfelt encouragement!

Blessed Be.

Click here for your copy of The Adventures of a Baby Moon.

A Writer’s Talisman

Go out when the Harvest moon is full,
Cut yourself a slender switch by
Pruning the plum runners
-Those suckers of energy-
Remember to ask permission first.

Strip the tender green leaves,
Gently bend into a circle,
Weaving in and out, in and out.
Let it dry in the morning sun for a few weeks,
Until the New Moon is as thin
As a newborn’s fingernail clipping.

Now, begin braiding in your tales.
Dreamcatcher, pentacle, gods eye,
Or simply a spiders web.
Find your tin sewing box that's
Full of needles and embroidery threads.
Take the time to untangle
Silver and gold strings,
Satin ribbons, bits of knobby yarns,
Projects once begun, not necessarily done.
Measure out your silk cords,
Cut them like one of the Fates.

Begin to add the ephemera collected,
The spiritual smegma of the past:
Broken charm bracelets, lone earrings,
A tiny Aladdin's lamp, a tinier key,
Hummingbird skulls and raven feathers,
Your mother's beads, grandmother's pearls,
Antique buttons from your mother-in-law.
The helping hand milagra,
Other tokens of luck or affections past.
Maybe add in a wisdom tooth or
That first baby tooth your child lost,
You know you have it somewhere,
Take the time to find it.

Snow white seashells with holes,
Pale green sea glass jaded by time.
A lachrymal filled to the brim with
The dried salt from an ocean of tears.
Use glue for butterfly wings, other things,
And, of course, add some glitter -
Really, make it yours.

Don’t tie on the wishbone,
Remember, you have a backbone.
Choose instead snake vertebrae,
Relics of coyote found in the desert.
Keys that have been lost in the junk drawer-
They still unlock your imagination.
A crystal to reflect all your facets.
Don’t worry if it’s chipped,
It will cast more rainbows that way.

Honor all the elements.

As you work, remember:
Every bead, every breath,
Every knot is a prayer.
Tie everything three times while chanting:

In the name of the maiden,
The mother and the crone,
I'm here by myself, but never alone.

When it feels almost complete,
Or at least good enough,
Hang it above your desk,
In the window, the tree outside.
And as the wind ruffles the feathers,
Makes the beads clink, bells tinkle,
Take in their essence and
Let them come out as stories...

Sit now, here in this sacred space,
The corner of the kitchen table,
Cats meowing for attention.
Write it all down in your women’s notebook,
Ubiquitous journal, book of shadows,
Every memory, every symbol.
Because, you know, as they say...

Witches
          Spell
                  It
                       Out.

Blessed be.


KGR 10/17/2018

The Amulet

Imagine for a moment you are wearing a powerful amulet, a talisman so personal, so potent, you feel infused by it's presence on your body. You can feel it hanging, balanced and polished, the perfect weight - never a burden, always a joy. 

It might be nestled at your throat,  between collarbones, maybe even deeper, sternum or solar plexus. Notice if it is on a silk ribbon, leather cord, fine silver or sturdy link chain. As you are aware, take in the colors, the textures, even the slight sounds it might make, a particular taste in the mouth. 

Clasp it in your hands, allow palms and fingers to explore shape and form, textures and contrasts. Here might be the flintness of stone set in the softest if leather, imagine tiger's eye set in a resin of goldstone, offset by the craft of carefully cradling the preciousness within. Even the encasing is fused with meaning, a harmonious combination of sacred geometry, whether as precise as a merkaba or as organic as a lotus blossom, spiraling out  into the golden moment.

This is your talisman, your mojo, your power piece. It can never be taken away, because it is deep.in your mind. It can always be enhanced, buffing away any tarnish, strengthening any weak links. Wear it well, wear it with proper pride, your sacred medicine, the amulet inside.

Blessed Be.

Infinite Other Exhibition at the MAH

I'm pleased to announce that I have a piece of artwork in the new Infinite Other Exhibition at the MAH, an immersive, wildly colorful world created by artists Monica Canilao and Xara Thustra (MCXT).

MCXT is a creative partnership between Monica Canilao and Xara Thustra. MCXT uses drawing, installation, murals, and other media to cultivate a sense of wonder and mindfulness that can help us see the infinite stories in and between people, objects, and ideas.

In 2016, Monica Canilao & Xara Thustra combined their vision, talents, and activism to form a legendary creative partnership: MCXT. Their work is big in scale and heart. MCXT uses drawing, installation, murals, and other media to cultivate a sense of wonder and mindfulness that can help us see the infinite stories in and between people, objects, and ideas.

The artists often sketch and paint over one another, layering their visions to create large scale artwork that challenges the viewer to step back and think about topics like love, self determination, one’s own stories, and others’ possible stories.

Coming up in the Bay Area’s thriving DIY community, Monica and Xara bonded over their shared feminist and anti-capitalist ethics.

Infinite Other is their first large scale museum exhibition– most of the artwork was made just in the last 18 months. However, not all the artwork in the exhibition is new. MCXT thoughtfully chose artifacts from the MAH’s archives to incorporate into the show. The mix of new and repurposed objects creates art that explores the infinite stories and intimate connections we share as people. Read more about the exhibition here.

Infinite Other: Monica Canilao and Xara Thustra. October 5, 2018 – March 24, 2019

Release the Past

"Forgiveness does not mean that what happened was okay. It simply means that we are no longer willing to allow that experience to adversely affect our lives. Forgiveness is something we do, ultimately, for ourselves." —Christiane Northrup

What does forgiveness mean to you? Is there someone you need to forgive? Or someone you need forgiveness from? Or do you simply need to forgive your self?

Releasing the past does not necessarily mean letting go completely of what happened, but letting go of the trauma of what happened, and holding on to any essential wisdom from the experience.

A random example: I remember very clearly when my first cat Fatty died from lung cancer, the trauma of discovering his labored breathing, the rush to vet, the decision to put him down - all when I was about 8 years old. I remember my huge emotions in the backseat of the car as we drove home with the empty carrier, a combination of shock, guilt, grief, and anger - mostly angry at my Dad, who was not crying, unlike my mother and me, but mostly angry at that overwhelming feeling of, "Why? Why was this happening? How could we not know earlier? What could we have done sooner?" If I really allow myself to indulge in this memory I can easily start crying, despite it being 45 years later.

As an adult I learned that my Dad showed his emotions in other ways, and I also learned to pay more attention to the cats and the earlier red flags of disease.  Later, when I experienced the trauma of betrayal, divorce, going through the court system to get custody of my child, I remembered the lessons that I had learned from this childhood experience. That the most important question is not "Why is this happening?" but "What can I learn from this? How will this help me grow and become stronger?"

 I learned that while you will never really forget, you really can forgive.

Blessed be.

Good Boundaries

   What are good boundaries? Good boundaries are knowing where you end and someone else begins. Think of the turtle, who can go inside his shell for protection when needed. Or the spiny succulent, who appears thorny but is strong and juicy on the inside. Very different from putting up walls, shields, masks or other forms of emotional armor, which can leave one feeling isolated and bereft. But we live in a toxic world full of toxic people, so it's good to be able to protect oneself in a mindful and natural way..

Here’s what our Goddess Oracle has to say, “Durga (Hindu goddess of boundaries) is here to assist you in nurturing wholeness by creating and fixing the limits of your physical space. Establishing clear boundaries is an act of self-love. Having no boundaries gives others the message that you are limitless and want to be treated in a limitless way... Durga says that boundaries are vital because they let others now who you are and where you stand.”

Good boundaries means being mindful of creating inter-dependent relationships which are mutual, reciprocal, and beneficial rather than falling into old patterns of codependency out of desperation and a need to be loved or validated by another. Good boundaries means being able to tell the difference between enabling another or empowering them. 

Good boundaries means being comfortable in saying no. Say no to the energy vampires, to those who would take advantage of your generous nature or manipulate through the use of guilt, shame, or acting like a victim for you to rescue. It's not your job in life to rescue others, nor to be a martyr by constantly sacrifing your time, money, or energy to another's cause. Be the hero in your own story, say yes to yourself, say yes to having good boundaries.

Poem for my Hubbikins

Poem for my Hubbikins

It’s time for the weekly cleanse
Whether you need it or not,
So step into that running water
While it is nice and hot…

Set your divine intention
As you step into the shower,
Stand all the way upright
Yes, really feel your power!

And if it is your wife’s love
That you want to be most certain,
Please remember, my darling,
To shut the frickin' curtain.

Yes, your wife does not like to nag
It makes her feel grumpy and old,
But otherwise the bathroom
Will surely be plagued by mold!

So after you dry each of your balls
With infinite love and care,
Remember your sweetest of wifikins
And this wonderful bathroom we share.

Blessed Be!

Grandma's Got Tattoos

"Grandma, today I got bullied and teased.

I felt confused, ashamed to my knees.

With this huge birthmark on my face,

How will I ever fit in, ever feel at place?"

"Come sit on my lap, I have a story to share,

About my facial tattoos, piercings, and gray hair.

These are the stories of my life all they have to tell

Every wrinkle, stretch mark and scar,

They illuminate.the manuscript my body has known well

There once was an island, a peculiar place,

Where everyone was born with their story on their face!

So imagine the confusion, all the consternation,

When I was born without a mark on my presentation...

Growing up, no one took me serious,

Where were my markings? Was I delirious?

So I set off one day when I had nothing to do,

And that's how I got my very first tattoo…

I didn't have a plan, I didn't do the math,

Simply feeling lost, I set off on my path.

I set three intentions at the wishing well,

To feel young, well connected and simply quite swell.

I moved along, but there blocking my way,

A huge tree, fallen in the thunder rain!

I took a moment to consider, simply to ponder,

How would I get over this and continue my wander?

I knew it was big, more than I could handle

But I gritted my teeth, and over that log, I scrambled.

I scraped myself as I slid down the other side,

I was hurt, confused, lost--and so I cried.

"Don't be sad," said a voice, so I looked around,

There was a rose bush growing deep in the ground.

"Notice where you are strong, let go of feeling weak,

Let me help put more color on your cheek...

You will always remember to grow caring and tender,

Still with sharp thorns that can easily render.

Allow yourself to blossom with each tear you cry,

As you grow older, you'll discover just why."

I accepted her gift and went on my way,

Following the winding path down to the bay.

But before I could go further, take another step,

A big old gate was blocking me yet.

I felt all my doubts crash in on me,

What to do? There was no key!

But I looked closer, instead of moping,

And guess what? It was already open!

A little bit rusty, it squeaked as I slid by,

A little crusty bit caught the corner of my eye!

I felt so stupid. As much as I had tried,

I sat down to comfort myself, and so I cried.

"Don't be sad," said a voice, so I looked left,

There was a spider looming her weft.

"It's not complicated, it's quite simple,

Let me spin laugh lines on your temple."

I accepted her gift, and I took it to heart,

Already I knew I was far from the start.

Here at the crossroads, what decision to make?

An opening in a tree seemed the right decision to make.

I moved through the hollow, and what an astound!

Finding a world where no one was bound!

Here I met a relative previously unknown,

She was my higher self, where I had not yet grown.

"I would like to release what has been weighing me down,"

I passed a suitcase of money along with a frown,

"I've been keeping myself ransom, hostage to my fate,

But now I know I have the keys to the gate."

"Well done," she said, "Gold stars, kisses on both cheeks!

You have proved yourself strong when you thought you were weak."

And upon my forehead planted a kiss, "Goodbye for now!"

Which spread into the butterfly wings across my brow.

"Thank you for the blessing, I feel much stronger,

Just like how the summer nights grow longer.

I know that everyone is a story inside her,

That's why I'll become a union organizer."

"And so my child, as you look upon my face,

Notice every wrinkle, what they really trace.

The bloom of the rose has faded from my cheek,

But you can still see the thorns for I am not weak

Here in the laugh lines by my eyes,

I'm sure you see the spiders surprise.

And tattooed here on my third eye,

Is the butterfly, transformation in disguise.

"I see you, Grandma, I realize your beauty,

And now I understand that my personal duty

Is to love myself, moles, stretch marks, and scars,

For each has a story that takes us the most far."

Kayla Garnet Rose Copyright 2018

Community Resources

Couples Counselors and Psychotherapists:

• Cyndi Lane (831) 212-3063 - Marriage and family therapist who works with integrative psychology.

• Joyce Michaelson (831) 425-3199 - Marriage and family counselor.

• David Zimmerman (831) 476-3560 - Psychotherapist, educator, consultant.

• Marya Stark (602) 881-3553 - Relationship and compassionate communication coach.

• Daniel Blumrosen (831) 454-8270 - Marriage and family therapist, gender and sexuality specialist.

• Melissa Fritchie (831) 576-6461 - Couples counselor, holistic psychotherapist, sex therapist, gender specialist.

Massage Therapists:

• Kimberly McKay (831) 234-2325 - Swedish and sports massage, hypnotherapist, Reiki master.

• Marcus Maduro (831) 227-3506 - Certified massage therapist

More Healers:

• Dr. Elizabeth Quinn (831) 476-2168 - Activator Chiropractor.
• Dr. Zandra Amato (831) 476-2303 - Chiropractor and Qualified Medical Examiner.

• Dr. Irene Valencia (831) 515-8699 - Naturopathic doctor specializing in family medicine.

• JoAnn Tennent (831) 423-6495 - Foot and hand Reflexologist.

• Joanne Gramo (831) 425-4691 - Acupuncturist and herbalist.

Community Resources:

• Meditation From the Heart (831) 566-7520 - Meditation leader and teacher specializing in Sum Faht Meditation.

• Debra Seltzer (831) 359-1965 - Registered Veterinary Technician who provides at-home pet care.

• The Artemis Project (831) 218-5878 - Empowerment workshops and camps for girls.

Cancer Resources:

• Nutritional Solutions Maximize your cancer therapy with nourishing foods, nutrients, and herbs to enhance the efficacy of your treatments, while safely reducing their side effects.

• WomenCARE (831) 457-2273 - Provide practical and emotional support to women diagnosed with cancer and their loved ones.

• Oncology Massage with Jane Clemens 831-227-5335

Alcohol Resources:

• HAMS is a peer-led and free-of-charge support and informational group for anyone who wants to change their drinking habits for the better. The acronym HAMS stands for Harm Reduction, Abstinence, and Moderation Support.

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