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Written and Illustrated by Nona Kayla
Coyote, Coyote, Coyote
we have a complex relationship. I have a coyote vertebrae I found out in the desert many years ago. Coyotes recently ate one of my cats, Mango. The trickster, jokester, slyster, heister.
It has taken me a long time to get this far in this painting, and I see more to do. Meanwhile, I make book covers and remake the pressed wildflowers from the Appalachian trail that my fairy stepson brought me, as well as creating a fra,e for my recently deceased sister-in-law, Carol. Since her death, both of her sons/my nephews have passed, as well as my across-the-street neighbor, Anita - we had been on the same street for thirty years.
Saturn Return in Pisces. Bless astrology for giving me some context, because certainly, I feel my faith has been being tested.
Paper Bark
Quivers
When I was in first grade, living in McLean, Virginia, I had the biggest crush on Birch, who sat two desks away from mine in the second row. For some reason he wore little wrist sweatbands, maybe to emulate Bjorn Borg, the Swedish tennis champ of the time. We were partnered for the Horah dance at the holiday pagent, but he got sick and I had to dance with Ross instead.
Now when I look at the birch tree in my front yard, I'm aware of the rising sap, the way the Elm is stealing the sun away from it, and the spread of roots from the nearby bottlebrush. Yet it thrives, pushing out new leaves, allowing the bark to peel when need be.
Genes splice
To our delight
Replicating
Mutating
Changing
Evolution
Revolutions
Beginnings
"Once in a lifetime...
Same as it ever was..."
-Talking Heads
It's hard at the moment to not make a laundry list of the earth's woes. It's not so much a question of "what is happening"but "what am I doing about it?"
And that starts with loving yourself. Making peace with yourself. Change old patterns. Adopt a calm certainty. Notice all of the preparation it takes before emergence. Evolution - life is good, and it will get better. Allow yourself a sense of completion, and fulfillment, kisses on both cheeks, and job well done. A merging, a partnership, all that was unravelled will be knitted together again.
Look into your left eye, then your right. Notice the colors of your iris, the depth of your pupils, the real questions.
Allow yourself to feel immersed in the wonder of a newborn - I am a being, I have a body, I have breath, I can reflect and self-reflect.
Invite in clarity, modesty, and certainly some humor. Be present. Be happy with what you see in the mirror. If you're not happy, what do you need to do? Let go of any false beliefs, perchance?
Kisses on both cheeks
Each of the acne scars
The crooked tooth, chipped again
Laugh lines, wrinkles
The map of your face
Contours
Here is rebirth - the third cycle, could be my last. I move from room to room, expunging expired antibiotic ointments procured during my trip to Ireland in 2016; dozens of plastic hangers as I fold away my winter clothes; rearrange the plethora of items that have somehow accumulated in my car's glove compartment, which I lovingly refer to as "my car purse."
However, at this point how many crumpled masks do I need? But what if there's another shortage and I can reuse these? These are the questions that plague my mind and tax my spirit.
So I look to Perth, the rune of initiation. The phoenix rises out of the ashes. My dad was cremated and his ashes were scattered at sea, but none of our family was there, per my mom's wishes. No memorial, no funeral.
Instead, I took down some two thousand origami cranes that have been hanging in my backroom for decades. The first thousand were made by my friend Mina, who sent them in a box right before I moved into this house. It took me hours to bead and hang them, and I spent many more hours admiring their patterns let alone their shadows. The second thousand I folded when my Dad was first diagnosed with cancer, some eighteen years ago.
I burned them in my favorite cauldron, fairly amazed at the amount of heat generated. His birthday is soon, so I'll take them to the ocean and do my own ritual of remembrance, renewal, and rebirth.
Last winter on retreat, I painted my set of Ralph Blum's ceramic rune stones, using a combination of colors and copper paint. On the back of each one, I wrote keywords, using a Sharpie. Next, I will varnish them, one way or another. And this led me to my next painting project. Much to my cats' chagrin.
The first rune I pulled from the grey velvet pouch was blank - Odin, the Unknowable. All endings are beginnings, and beginnings are ending, so the Oroborous seemed like an organic symbol.
Swallow me up
Swallow me whole
Create my destiny
Nothing foretold
I'm entering my second Saturn return, and I thought the first one was a doozy. I bought out my business partner, got divorced from my wife, and my parents separated. My Dad would come up every week from Carmel, we planted roses, put in the irrigation system, had lunch at either The Farm or Avanti, and basically became good friends. We both have Saturn in Pisces (as does my daughter). Mine is also conjunct Chiron (the Wounded Healer) opposing both Pluto and Uranus in Virgo in the Second house. If you know any astrology, this is a potent combo.
So here I am, the first day of Spring, thinking about all of the deaths over the last eighteen months. I'm still in grief, but much of the trauma and depression has lifted. Acupuncture, peer counseling, Ignatia, and St. John's Wort have been helpful allies.As has deep cleaning - going from room to room, not just chasing dust bunnies and culling excessive hangers (my hang-ups) but getting into a creative mode - hanging mini solar-powered fairy lights in the upstairs bathroom and the back room, making a family jewels chest by repurposing the computer box, the simple act of chicken soup. Beginnings and endings.
Odin, the Unknowable, the Great Mystery. One can only wonder about all the worlds of possibilities.
Blessed be.
Wonderful absolutely wonderful. Historically time and patterns repeat like the ancient art of storytelling, sitting around the campfire or the evening fireplace with full bellies and listening to the storyteller ( the elders), it’s a love message of I believe in you and I unconditionally love you too... The receding pandemic has highlighted these truths of connection. This delightful book should be read to not only children, teens, and young adults but also middle-aged adults too who want to remember dear loved ones or want to find a heart grandmother or grandfather, remember to seek and you shall receive ... Mother Earth is plentiful.. thank you Kayla Nona - Janice Carr