Dream Box Joins the MAH’s New Permanent Exhibition: HERstory

I am thrilled to announce that my art piece, Dream Box, has been inaugurated in the Santa Cruz Museum of Art and History's new permanent display, HERstory, A Celebration of the Important Women of Santa Cruz County—Past, Present, and Future, which highlights the important contributions that women and female-identifying individuals have made globally and locally. From Yaquenonsat to Angela Davis, Santa Cruz has long been a stronghold of women’s activism, creativity, and courage.

Inspired by the MAH’s beloved annual HERstory event, this addition to the MAH’s History Gallery features significant moments in women’s history through the lens of important Santa Cruz women and events. This interactive exhibition will include features on important women, such as:

• Yaquenonsat, a Native woman who in 1812 led the local indigenous resilience to colonization
• Heather Edney, who founded one of the earliest harm reduction programs in the United States in 1990
• Dr. Rebecca Hernandez (Mescalero/Warm Spring Apache and Mexican American), the first nominee and recipient of the annual HERstory Award in 2024, for her work as a Community Archivist and previous Director of the American Indian Resource Center at UC Santa Cruz.
• Bettina Aptheker, founder of UCSC’s Feminist Studies Program
• Madeline Aliah, a local trans femme teen poet. 

See all honorees and learn more about HERstory here!

I first started making shadow boxes after picking up some old spice racks at the flea market in the early nineties and wondering what to do with what I like to call my spiritual smegma - pebbles, crystals, special buttons, miniatures, all the collected minutiae of friends and relationships past. 

These curiosities became the foundation for my 2005 art show Sacred Spaces in Small Places: Shadow Boxes, Spirit Shelves, and Altar-Egos, which spoke to the need to incorporate the spiritual in both our daily lives and in the mundane world by transforming everyday items into altars for meditation, reflection, and rejuvenation. Throughout history and across various religious beliefs, altars have served as a means to focus intentions, honor ancestors, affirm values, and reaffirm our connection to the divine.

I made a dozen or so over the years, some with themes such as the story of Amateratsu and Uzume, some were specific for Love Magic, and the Dream Box was mostly comprised of the eclectic snippets, tokens, and ephemera that once decorated the register on at Herland. Most of them I gifted away, notably to Melissa Bernstein, who later gifted it to the MAH, where it was first a part of the Infinite Other exhibit in 2018-2019, and in Then & Now: LGBTQ+ Gathering Spaces in 2023.

What do I love most about the Dream Box? The incredible amount of detail and how salient it is for the time. Inluding:

• Political buttons ("My Goddess Can beat Up Your God") 
• Magazine cutouts ("Americans are ALTARING Their Lives" is my favorite)
• Fortune cookie fortunes - ("Your Mind is Your Greatest Asset") Herland was neighbors with the Mongolian Barbeque, and every day I would sweep up fortunes
• Objet-trouve: lost marbles, single earrings, orphaned keys, a lucky wooden nickel from Lovedog Tattoo

Inside this 3-D collage live Asian drag kings and radiant black queens, butches and femmes, Aztec goddesses and Feng Shui cures, Zen tarot cards, babes on unicyles, and an abundance of body positivism. Condom references in a time when safer sex was being fully embraced during the AIDS crisis. Stickers promoting same-sex marriage.

And the symbols! Pink triangles, labryses, Venus and double Venus, cowrie shells, salamanders, butterflies, hearts, cats, marijuana leaves, and rainbows aplenty. All of the tarot - chalice, blade, pentagram, flame, plus the wheel... A chorus of affirmations: "Double happiness"  and my personal favorite from G9 - "I will never underestimate my body's capacity for pleasure." Michelle Tea even makes a cameo, sneaking in.

And at the heart of it all, nestled quietly among the glitter and the grit: a single pet rock, painted with one word—Hope.

Creative Abundance - 10 Weeks to Greater Prosperity

 

Creative Abundance - 
10 Weeks to Greater Prosperity

Engage both your right brain and your left brain in an interactive 10-session program with Kayla Garnet Rose, Ph.D., Certified Hypnotherapist, designed to activate greater abundance and prosperity in your life. Includes:

• Vision Boards
• Money Meditations
• Helpful People Boxes
• Paths to Abundance

and other tools to continue to generate money, support, energy, love and all that you need to create abundance in your being.

This class is awesome! I took it last year and went on a 23-day vacation (to Brazil and Antarctica) this year! It works! - Lisa Carter, Santa Cruz, CA

The Buddy System Works!

Bring a friend for FREE to any Creative Abundance Lesson!

Laphrodite's Guide to Mindful Menopause

 

Laphrodite's Guide to Mindful Menopause 

or the Adventures of a Baby Crone

An enchanting collection of midlife musings, moon magic, and meditations for mindful menopause. Over the last three years, menopause has brought me to my knees. In this humbled position, I offer anecdotes, potential antidotes, and some not-so-common advice.

According to the Mayo Clinic, menopause is experienced by over 3 million women a year in the United States alone. What makes this book different is viewing menopause as a time of incredible spiritual growth and creativity, rather than just a physical experience that needs a special diet or more exercise.

The book offers concrete tools such as guided visualizations, meditations, and rituals to honor this significant passage in a woman's life. Rather than a dry reference book, it includes humorous stories, inspiring poetry, and juicy practices to experience mindful menopause. 

I thoroughly enjoyed this book! I love the artwork and how it goes along with the readings. It was empowering, and beautiful, giving an honest portrayal of the fem experience. Highly recommend! - Kaileigh Otsuka

Thoughts on Altars

I have alters all around my house and garden. Sacred little spaces. Pockets of time. Symbols infused with intention, placed deliberately.

In our bedroom is our relationship altar filled with the knick knacks of our wedding and wooing. In the bathroom is simply an altar to cleansing and purifying starting the day. All my little aromatherapy bottles lined up in a row. And then there's what I consider my personal altar where I very rarely sit, but I always pull at least three cards to set my intention for the day.
Downstairs, as soon as you walk in is the front altar which changes seasonally or more accurately according to my moods. Often it has thank you notes, holiday cards, just this feeling of greetings from the beyond. The kitchen is dominated by Laphrodite sitting on her cake platter because yes, I serve the goddess. However, mostly it is taken up Chip's papers which I try to organize by providing a basket.

The back room also has a relationship altar in the appropriate feng shui corner. It is currently also graced by a thank you card, a beautiful quilted bird reminding me to light a healing candle every day. One could say that the octopus in the guest bathroom is an altar into itself, sitting on top of the pearls and jewels that I so carefully hot glued together. Chip’s office is simply an altar to chaos. The piles everywhere I cannot fathom the depths.

Then we arrive at my office and my bookcase which of course has my books on it. How else do I honor my writing except by looking at the books that I have published, there was a mug with a butterfly on one side and the words Most Special Mom on the other that holds my fine tip Sharpies, my favorite writing implement. There's a large panorama of the sunset with the moon rising. Or maybe it's sunrise with the moon setting. My husband took from the summit and printed on a metallic paper that makes the most beautiful indigo violet. There are the rose petals that Lisa handed to us on the first day of class. A small miniature hand that is open reminds me of the other hands I have seen on Lisa's altar. In particular, the healing Hamsa hand from my stepson. I have a blue ink bottle that is a part of the set that usually sits in my window that belonged to my parents for as long as I can remember. I have no idea when I absconded with it.

In it are four feathers - a Macaw feather, a raven feather, a blue jay feather, another parrot feather. As a hypnotherapist, mostly what I do is parrot back to my client so the parrot is a very special bird to me as well as the local Ravens. There is the conch shell that I've written about before and a model of the universe that I use when doing astrology readings. There is a thin Balinese goddess in prayer position representing Reiki. She is graced by a swan and I took quite some time to paint her in practically the same colors as the image behind her. A random client gave me a pair of earrings with glass origami peace birds. A little too big for me to actually have to wear myself, but they sure look great on her. There's a small bottle of lavender. My favorite scent to wear.Today’s tarot card ard I pulled which happens to be the hermit go on a retreat. There's a bumper sticker that says My Magic is Good. My Magic is Strong. I put a lot of time into these. Nothing actually happened with that particular project, but I do like how the colors pick up the colors from both the parrot feathers, Balinese goddess and the sunset/sunrise above. I have a name tag that says Reverend Rose that is encrusted in pink zirconia and diamonds. I love how gaudy it is and my Balinese goddess has a gold watch. A gold pocket watch wrapped around her.

Many moons ago when I lived at 325 Broadway. Barely 23 years old. I decided to clean out the tiny shack in order to have a place to store my bike. It took me the entire day to get rid of the paint cans. Kerosene cans tin cans rat traps rakes rusted garden implements amount of dirt, grass and dust I swept and swept. There was only one little pile left and I remember thinking nobody will ever know and I thought to myself but I will know I will always know. And so I swept that last little pile into my metal dust pan and low and behold a gold pocket watch. I'm talking 18 carat gold and gray from the 1800s broken. Sure, but what a treasure this has been on my altar for the last 233 years now. At some point it fell and the clock face broke but I won’t repair it. I see the fine cracks like the laugh lines around my face. They indicate times that have gone by. I always joke to my clients that I'm not going to pull out a pocket watch to hypnotize you, but I know it is sitting there as a magical tool in case I ever need it and that's a good story.

Herbcrafter’s Tarot

It’s the Pink Moon, full moon in Libra, sun in Aries, 2022. Everybody knows that the tarot is irresistible, and today I'm using the Herbcrafter’s Tarot written by Leticia Guthrie, artwork by Joanna Powell Colbert, published by US Game Systems. This is an irresistible deck and I’ve already bought three since somehow I keep giving them away.

My focus is on my holistic practice. So much has changed in the last two years with COVID. I shuffle the cards again and again, relishing in their newness, the stiff glossy cardboard with a pleasing back design of various herbs, roots, stems, and butterflies on a pale green background. I mix the cards with my energy and intentions, cutting the deck into three stacks using my left hand (heart), then making a new pile with my right hand (head) while softly saying, “In the name of the Maiden. Mother, and Crone, I'm here by myself, and I am never alone.” Swiftly I draw cards using the classic Motherpeace spread. Since they are new, I turn the reversed cards upright. I’ll think about them more later, most likely around three o’clock in the morning.

The first card is The Significator, my here and now, the main focus. Using my right hand, I pull Three - The Empress - Rose. Threes are the number of creativity, and this is a Major Arcana, a major life lesson. We see a rosary made of red beads with a flaming heart,  surrounded by succulent rose hips, fiery chili peppers, five-petaled English roses (reminds me of Placenta Bush) and crimson rose petals. In the middle is a heart made out of honeycomb, makes me think of the nursery rhyme, “The queen was in the parlor, eating bread and honey.” Upon reading the accompanying book, there is also a Venus of Willendorf, appropriate since the traditional Empress has the symbol for the planet Venus inscribed on her throne. It is a beautiful card. The book says, “Be vulnerable, yet strong. Nurture love and compassion. See beauty and abundance in every stage of life.”

When looking through said book, I like how each card has a little quote, describes the artwork and meaning, and then there's a section called “Crafting” which offers ways to honor the particular card. For this card, one suggestion is to create a rosary out of rosebuds, rose hips, or dry rose petal beads for love and compassion. Considering I'm focusing on my practice and my last name is Rose, I saw this as auspicious and reassuring.

The second one, Source of Strength, is Eight of Fire - Ginger pulled with my left hand. We see a vast kitchen with a wooden cutting board filled with dark brown ginger roots, some sliced to show pale yellows, as well as green onions, a glass cruet of olive oil, a bunch of well-used spatulas in a jar, a copper kettle, something flaming on the stove, a big cooking pot that could be a cauldron. Eights are rewards and Fire represents energy. “Adapt swiftly to unexpected changes. You can handle the heat. Act quickly when inspiration strikes.” One of the suggestions is to craft a magic ginger honey pot, which is intriguing.

The third is the The Challenge card, my particular workshop.  Using both hands now, I pick Two of Earth - Witch Hazel. Two are about balance, and Earth is the physical world - health, finances, material things. The card shows two blue birds twittering on a wicker birdhouse, another one balancing on a branch filled with bright yellow buds adorned with blue ribbons on a wispy, cloudy, slightly chilly day. There is snow on the ground and frosted green trees in the distance. Finding joy in each moment is my challenge. The book recommends, 

 “Full hands, rich life. Balance on the edges of depth and lightness. Find joy in each moment… Your stability may feel at risk but as the flowers promise relief is not far off… Decorate the leafless tree with strands of ribbons for each of your blessings… Cultivate joy. Hang birdhouses from winter trees and pause to sing with the birds while you work.“

The fourth revealed is The Root, which represents what I am bringing up from my deep past, childhood, and past lives. Again using both hands, they hover and choose Fourteen -  Temperance - Camellia. Another Major Arcana, the card of alchemical change. There is an earthy  bamboo tray with three white porcelain cups of steaming green tea, a delicate floral teapot and a bowl full of  fragrant leaves. The camellia has a beautiful yellow center with white petals and waxy green leaves. It's a very soothing card.

“Trust the magic of the present. See the secret in the symbol. Create new magic from what is familiar. Focus on the present moment to bring balance to opposing forces. There is magic in the mundane: ordinary tea bags stop minor bleeding, soothe sunburns, and reduce eye inflammation. Camilla is the oldest, most widely used botanical in history. Let ancient practices inspire fresh ideas.”  The book goes on to suggest learning how to make kombucha .

The fifth card shows The Sky, that is what is most on my mind, as well as energy that is available now. My fingers twitch and finally come together on Twenty - Awakening - Tulsi. Traditionally the World Card, this Major Arcana speaks to global consciousness. An overflowing bowl of dark green sprigs on creamy lace, gracefully adorned by a sandalwood mala with a golden yellow tassel, sprays of purple spears and a tear shaped oil lamp, weeping a single flame.

“Make an offering to the sacred. Awaken to your life purpose. Devotion to your calling is devotion to the world…Sacred service is the call of the divine… Tuls, also known as holy basil… enhances memory, restores energy, and clears toxins.”

The sixth card reflects The Immediate Past, the last six weeks or so, thinking back to the start of Love, Loss, and What I Ate. My left hand simply flips the top card, Nine of Air - Pomegranate. Nines are completions, Air is the mental realm, completing mental thoughts that have caused us anguish in the past. Freshly opened by a hand knife on a wooden table, bleeding  pomegranate seeds, we’re invited to look beyond the windowsill to see the pomegranate tree blooming outside, the mountains beckoning in the distance, a pathway of clouds. 

 “Claim your underworld crown… You are the sky, everything else is the weather… Let go of what you cannot control…  The deeper that sorrow carves to your being the more joy you can contain…Do not hurry your grief… Write your grief with a feather and pomegranate juice…Heal the heart when it is overcome by emotion.”

The seventh card is The Near Future, the next six weeks or so, what will most likely occur as I apply my free will and free choice. My right hand is guided to Five of Water - Goldenseal. Fives are change and water represents emotions. Instantly I feel immersed in the gentle calm gray creek, flowing easily beyond the woven fence. Bringing my focus back, I notice the swaying palm leaves, wispy white flowers in the soft breeze. It is very mossy, very mulchy, a healing space. 

“Seek out healing waters to ease your pain. A restored heart clears the vision. Golden Hope dwells deep underground… Grief is a necessary part of healing, you may be lost in sorrow or depression unable to move forward from a great loss, allowing your feelings to unfold. Goldenseal root medicine teaches us that healing can be very deep… Sadness can open the portal to intuition…Fill a small vial of bright yellow goldenseal water to remind you where hope is hidden.”

The eighth card is The Mirror, self-concept, how I see myself right now. Seven of Fire -  Cinnamon.  Interesting that Eight of Fire was my source of strength.  Sevens are a time of assessment, and Fire is energy - Time to assess my energy in my practice. Here, the rosary is red coral and blue turquoise, with a hammered silver skull, draped across a book with the goddess Ixchel on the front cover and the word Curanderismo on the spine.  There are slices of pale green lime and a jar full of papery brown cinnamon sticks, as well as a mortar and pestle and what looks like a shield of the Aztec calendar on top of a sturdy wooden table. In the background there is a comfy looking flaming hearth.

“Answer the call of the ancients. Seek visions from the ancestors. Take a stand for your whole, authentic self… Start with a study of your bloodlines, learn the history, take the medicine, eat the food of your people, your fore/four mothers will give you direction, use extra cinnamon in breakfast.”

The ninth card is the House card, the environment, people and energy that is around me right now. It slides out effortlessly,  Six of Water - Borage. Sixes are healing and water is emotion. Three fine stemmed wine glasses which float blossoms of blue borage beckon on a lacy white tablecloth. A serene goddess upholds a bowl. Two vases full of lavender spears and a white baby's breath. Imagine a picnic at a tranquil beach by the lake of calm, breathing in the dark green trees and the peaceful blue sky.

“Celebrate milestones old and new. Freely give, freely receive. Let your heart be comforted by the comfort of friends… Borage is a continuously flowering plant that encourages a long-lasting relationship(s).” It goes on to encourage crafting borage flower ice cubes for summer parties or float the flowers in your tub to buoy your spirits.

The tenth card is Hopes and Fears. Often the same thing, I like to think of this card as “how my hopes will conquer my fears.” Six of Fire - Nasturtium tickled my fingertips, asking for a response. Sixes are the number of healing, Fire is energy. The traditional card for being playful. Tall beeswax votive candles on a wooden table, ready to be decorated, anointed, blessed in the middle of this “holy mess.”A  little oil lamp, ready to pass the flame. Three short purple candles, tubes of gold and scarlet glitter. Nasturtiums abound, blood red orange, light yellow striped with secret licks of pomegranate, tickled by a particular friendly green reflected by the twining vines.

“Celebrate yourself and others. Call the circle, make some magic. Glitter and spice magnify power and joy. A table is set for making spells with friends…Celebrate your accomplishments with pizzazz.”

The last card, final outcome, what will most likely happen in the next year as I apply my free will, free choice: Eighteen - The Moon - Datura.  Another Major Arcana, there is a silver bowl with a fully blossomed pale white Datura, while on the outside on the black background we see the stages of it unfurling and unfolding. It is very graceful.  There's a lot of ease in this particular mandala, a reminder of the ebb and flow, seasons and tides in my practice. “Follow your heart. Trust your instincts and intuition. Your capacity for love is limitless. New experiences can cause a wellspring of feelings. Open your heart to spiritual guidance… Face the unknown.”

I bow, and say yes.

77 Tips for Mindful Menopause

In no particular order, here are 77 tips to experience Mindful Menopause. Watch out for my forthcoming book "Changing Woman: An Enchanting Collection of Myths, Musings, and Meditations for Mindful Menopause" which delves deeper into the practices outlined here. I hope this is helpful!

1. Acupuncture - I have found acupuncture to be enormously beneficial hormonal balancing. Before going on hormones, consider acupuncture and Chinese herbs. Like any natural remedy, it may take longer to see any results,but on the other hand, one also tends to experience less side effects. If you're not comfortable needles, acupressure and reflexology are alternatives that create flow in the meridians.
2. Drink more water, no ice - you’ll drink more; same with using a straw. When you urinate, consciously let go of whatever has been pissing you off lately. Same when you defecate - say out loud, “I now release all this old crap.” Notice that as you release the accumulated emotional and physical toxins, the sense of well being and serenity that permeates your body.
3. Research - You are unique, not a statistic. This is the time to activate your scientist and discover what works for you. You'll get a ton of advice from friends, colleagues, doctors, magazines and Internet articles, but ultimately the expert on your body is you. Be willing to experiment, take responsibility for your health and happiness, and do your own due diligence to honor your individual unfolding.
4. Laugh - Practice saying out loud, "Ha, ha, ha, hee, hee, hee, ho, ho, ho" It becomes so ridiculous you will begin to laugh for real. Laughter is the best medicine - Breathe into your Buddha belly and feel a big belly laugh whenever you want to feel high. Especially good when driving to the ATM.
5. Fans - Wow, what a difference a fan makes! From little personal electric fan necklaces to full on ceiling fans, it's well worth investing in a cooling breeze. My fans range from a delicately carved sandalwood fan which I can add aromatherapy oils too ( peppermint is cooling, lavender is soothing). I finally figured out how to change the setting on the main ceiling fan to be cooling the house instead of warming, check yours out. We don't have air conditioning, but I sure do love it the car. Then I bought a small, portable desk fan, which I take with me traveling. When I feel a hot flash coming on, I throw back the covers, letting the sweat evaporate, then throw back on the covers, but feeling less clammy than when I didn't have the fan going. And in the spirit of the Tibetan prayer wheels, I wrote blessings on each of the fan blades, so that during the night I am being showered with blessings.
   
6. Cold Wash Cloths - Never underestimate the power of a wet washcloth. When I feel a hot flash coming on, I've found it super useful to get up, go pee, run cool water over my wrists while getting a wash cloth soaked with cool water. After wringing it out, I'll either do a quick sponge bath along my arms, chest and back, or simply drape it across the back of my neck. Combined with the fan can be very cooling, just make sure to do no more than twenty minutes of with the fan to avoid over cooling muscles. Blot, blot, blot - Every time when you go pee, (adrenals) blot under your breasts, forehead, armpits. Learn to collect napkins in your purse, tissues in your pockets. you don't want the sweat to stay on your skin to attract bacteria or fungus.
7. Kitchen Towels - I keep a stack of kitchen towels by the bed. Super soft and absorbent, baby cloths would be another solution. These I either stick between my breasts or between my thighs to absorb all the clammy sweat, especially when sleeping in the nude. A friend has recommended sleeping in sports gear with wicking action as opposed to pajamas.
8. Bath Towels - For about three months I would have to spread a bath towel on the bed, which I would change every 90 minutes as it would get soaked in sweat. However, this was way easier than washing the sheets and mattress cover continuously. I also noticed my pillow getting a lot of sweat stains. If your mattress gets stained, sprinkle a box of baking soda all over it, let sit for a few hours, then vacuum thoroughly.
9. Separate Beds - For some reason this makes e think of being a kid and seeing Ricky and Lucy having separate beds on "I Love Lucy". At some point I helped my mom make my parents bed, and I realized they had separate sheets and blankets under the coverlet. Later they had separate bedrooms for years. Now I get it. Not only does my husband seem to put out an incredible amount of heat, so do my cats, and I find myself feeling trapped and unhappy. Often I will go downstairs and sleep on the couch, massage table, or my daughters bed, just to have some breathing room and a few cool spots on the bed. This has created feelings of rejection in both my spouse and pets, so paying extra attention to them during the day has felt like a new mindfulness moment. To maintain intimacy with my sweetie, we practice a daily Cuddle meditation.
10. Breathe - Sounds obvious, but all day long I get paid to remind people to take deep breaths and drink water. Long, slow, cooling breaths. Imagine your breathing deep into your belly, then deeper into your hips, deeper still into your knees, and even deeper into your toes. Make the exhale as long as possible. Breathe in the cool, breathe out the hot, dragon mama that you are. Or whatever you want... Breathe in calmness, breathe out the rage, breathe in peacefulness, breathe out the frustration, breathe in acceptance, breathe out despair.
    
11. Meditate - Start your day by simply stating your intentions, take a moment to visualize them as if they have already occurred, feel that in your body, and breathe it into every cell of your being. To further amplify this frequency, write in your journal, speak your truth, or better yet, sing your truth. Attract what you need in order to grow.
12. Purify -  hot showers, hot baths, hot tubs saunas: release toxins naturally and effectively. Transmute old poisons, shed your skin, wash away the past to feel cleansed and renewed. Neti pots cleanse the sinuses & clear the head of congested thoughts.
13. Cold Floors - During the peak of menopause, sometimes my only relief was found lying down on my cool, wood floor. Like jumping into an icy lake, I would find myself gasping as I lowered my steaming hot back along the refreshingly solid yet slightly chilled floor, feeling the sweat gather at the small of my back, slightly disgusting sucking noises as I adjusted my shoulder blades. But like hitting a reset button, I would find the particular wave short circuited, lasting only a couple of seconds rather than long drawn out minutes. However, mopping and cleaning became a little more important as a result!
14. Moderate Temperatures - Keep your bedroom moderate to avoid chills. While there's a compulsion to keep the bedroom/house as cold as possible, recognize that the heat comes from within your body and spreads out - it's not about the outside temperature affecting your body in an inwardly fashion. This means that once the flash is over, you'll feel cold, and in fact go through a cold flash/chill. This could cause complications from simply depressing the immune system and catching a cold to more severe illnesses such as pneumonia or Bell’s Palsy.
15. Do It - One of the most frustrating experiences for me is that moment of waking up and feeling the surge begin. A part of me wants to resist, tries as hard as possible to simply go back to sleep. But we all know that what we resist, persists- and often comes back stronger. It has been a mindfulness practice to just get up and deal, like when i had an infant, or for some, when you hear the cat outside in the middle of the night. Go pee, drink water, asses what you need - it'll be easier to fall back asleep until the next cycle begins.
    
16. New Rhythms - I found my sleep cycles changing drastically. Suddenly I was wiped by 7:30 pm, ready for bed at 8:00 pm. Then I'd be awake for an hour, a ninety minute sleep cycle, then up for another hour, respectively through the night. So even though in theory was getting eight hours of sleep, I felt cranky and exhausted all the time. Maybe one of the main joys of being self employed is that I get to choose my own eighty hours a week, so I could actually schedule in naps. while 45 minutes or a full 90 minute cycle was optimum, even just doing twenty minutes of hypnosis left me feeling refreshed, re-energized, and ready for the afternoon.
17. Sleep as much as you want to. Take naps. Remember your dreams. Your mind and body are doing the repair work. This is where deep healing occurs. Allow yourself to go to bed when you want to, and to wake up when you want to. Get rid of your alarm clock - you’ll be surprised how easily you wake up when you need to, feeling rejuvenated, relaxed and refreshed, ready for a new day.
18. Ice-olation - One of the things I noticed the most was a huge compulsion to spend more time by myself. I recognized that the word "alone" is also the word "all one". When I was alone in nature, I was all with nature. When I was alone with the cats, I was all ones with the cats. When I was alone by myself, I was alone with myself. This was so different from the intense loneliness that I had experienced in my past two relationships. I found myself chanting the mantra "Focus and Simplify" and applying this to all aspects of my life, not just cleaning out the garage. I let go of business groups, networking, luncheons, and other social occasions. Mostly I would be with a client, my husband, or by myself. When my adult daughter moved back for a while after collage, I felt the need to create alone time in a healthy way even more acutely, again like the bed situation, not trying to project rejection but create a sense of good boundaries. Being mindful meant being conscious of my own tendency to run away and instead create time and space in my calendar to go on writers retreats as well as time in the house by myself.
19. More Cool Cloths - Put an undershirt in the freezer, slip on in middle of night. Also works well with a pillowcase, washcloth, or kitchen towel. Rather than ice packs, use a bag frozen peas or frozen blueberries wrapped in a towel, apply to back of neck, under arm pits, under breasts and/or on belly, lower back.
20. Sunlight - We are so conscious of skin cancer, but one of the deficits as a result is the body not producing enough vitamin D. I found that sitting in the early morning sun for ten minutes a day completely changed the menopausal eczema around my mouth. Do use sunscreen, but also allow the sun to help regulate your cycles, and give yourself permission to simply sit for a small part of the day in order to recharge your battles, cellular and mental.
    
21. Moonlight “Under the moonlight, that serious moonlight” - David Bowie I found my cycle shifting, from thirty three days to 28 to 22 to complete pellmell. Reconnecting with the moon is as simple as walking outside. Since I'm already awake at 2,3 or 4 in the morning, why not just walk outside onto the deck? I found the practice of "drawing down the moon" useful, simply cupping your hands around the moon and then imagining you Are flushing it down your body. Also helpful was using my online calendar to create reminders for the simple rituals of before. For example, I used to wash all of the sheets and towels after my period. Now I have a recurring reminder for. "big laundry" once a month, keeping the cleansing cycle on a mindful basis.
22. Gurus - 24 years ago Susan Weed's book, "Menopause for the Wise Woman Ways" was easily one of my best selling items. Still in my 20s, when I leafed through it, nothing made sense. Now, thirty years later, I am just amazed at how pertinent this information is today. Louise Hay died last month at the ripe age of 90. She wrote her first book at my age, 50. Look around - who do you admire? Who resonates with your soul? Who spoke to you in a whisper years ago and now you can not, can NOT, ignore the roar? Do not look for a crutch, a leader, give your power away - instead notice where do you feel inspired, enlightened, and simply encouraged? In French, the word for heart is "coeur" so notice what boosts your heart now. Who are you mentors? If you never had a grandma, who are elderly folks in your life? What ancestral wisdom could you tap into now?
23. Feeling Cranky - It's okay to be cranky pants. Just like puberty, just like being pregnant, the hormones they are a raging. Not that I was ever pregnant - my daughter was birthed by my ex-wife - but boy oh boy, have I witnessed some hormonal fluxes. In fact, if I ever start a Metallica band, it'll be called "Hormonal Flux". I've been with a pregnant woman, I've been with a transgendered person during their transition from female to male, I witnessed my daughter’s puberty - menopause brought me into a whole new emotional experience of riding the bio waves. Something as stupid as a band aid commercial on the tv puts me in tears. My mind obsesses on worst case scenarios, my dreams are plagued with apocalyptic scenes. My body is pumped with not just the mmmm whale noises endorphins but a bunch of testosterone, survivalist notions, my inner Rambo activated. Crank crank crank, churn, churn, churn, what has been helpful is to allow each catastrophe to unfold in my imagination and discover my own survivalist instincts as a result.
    
24. Keep a journal, chart your journey - Probably the best thing I have done for myself. After a huge period of lethargy where I was beating myself up for feeling lazy, unmotivated , etc and had the vision of the goo in the chrysalis - its not going to do anything either, it's okay - I came back to the basic.
25. Make art - Grab a crayon, a piece of paper. Not your journal, it does not need to be remembered indefinitely. Not the calligraphy pens, none of this is elegant. Nothing needs to be saved. Use crayons, cray pas, finger paints , get into the inner child, the visceral, viscous. Use your non dominant hand, do it upside down, think outside the frickin' box. Give yourself to destroy, to edit, to add to over time - there is the immediate fires of frustration and the long term satisfaction after putting in time for gratification. This is your time.
26. Howl - Howl and wall as needed. For no reason. For every reason. We live in an intense time, full of contradictions, full of despair, full of fear. Let it out. Keen and wail like the widows of Sardena. Howl in the shower, let the sound of the water mask your turmoil in order to not upset the neighbors, but give yourself that cleansing sound. this is a time of release, not just the discontented sigh, the I'm putting up with things and being martyr bullshit. Be the bitch, in heat or out of heat, raise your shackles, bare your teeth. Be ferocious. The word fierce comes from the French word “fiere” which means fire, which means pride. Where is your pride? What are you proud of, feel fierce about? Key word here is passion - not sexual, not career driven, but dropping into your soul - what is it you have always wanted or always wanted to do? Howl your displeasure, howl about the unfairness, the inequalities that have kept you from your true purpose, just as all the other slaves before you.
27. Alone = All One - Be conscious of creating alone time instead if getting sick or picking a fight. Deep in the chrysalis, everything is shifting, transforming, transmogrifying. Everything is up in the air while decaying as compost. So much on one’s mind, so much to simply let go of, transmute old poisons. There is no need to to get sick in order to have some time off - a mental day as a regular habit is way more yummy than scheduling in sick days. Same as noticing when someone asks, " are you okay" and a knee jerk reaction of " Oh, I'm just tired/ sick/ allergies." Stand in your power and simply assert, " I need to think about it" and then create the time/space to do exactly that, guilt free, cranklepuss free.
28. Vasodilation - It begins in the middle of my chest, but more than that, a line from my collarbone to sternum. Pure heat, like the core of the kiln, the depth of the volcano. But then there are all the open arteries, the vents and cracks, leaks and fissures, enabling the lava flow. I've learned to regulate certain substances that simply are vasodilators, meaning opening the vessels, as they contribute to the overwhelming hear and discomfort during menopause. So rather than choosing vasodilators like red wine, coffee, spicy foods, be mindful. It might seem boring to have white wine, green tea, or less pungent foods, but there are w as to keep your tongue engaged, your palate stimulated, body satisfied. Choose to be the gourmet rather than the gourmand - One wants the finest things in life, the other, just a lot.
29. Toxins - Well going through menopause you are transforming toxins. Not just physically, but also emotionally spiritually and intellectually. Avoid toxic people and toxic situations. You will find that your friends circle will change. Allow yourself to graduate from old friend circles and either find comfort in more time for yourself or a new set of cronies. Watch out for getting intoxicated as alcohol will also increase your hot flashes see. See liver support.
30. Change is our friend - Be okay with changing your clothes every hour. Be okay with explaining the sweat on your lip. The okay with doing a few more chores because he will simply have more laundry as a result of all that wet. Find close that are really comfortable, loose around the belly. Button downs are great for letting intervene able to take off layers as needed. Stop wearing a bra. Nobody cares if you're tits are hanging to the ground. Seriously everyone is so self absorbed no one is really looking at you especially in a culture where youthfulness is exonerated. Allow your lymph glands to do their work of cleansing the body without being restricted by the tight elastic of uncomfortable underwear.
    
31. Become friends with Death - Ponder your own death. Write your will or create a trust fund. This it a funeral home or decide if you would like to be cremated. You can now buy biodegradable urns that have a tree seed in them which can be planted. This is the time not to be morbid or get hung up on thinking about getting sick, but to be planning your own transition and ways to care for your family and friends. Think of this as a way to create peace with death as well as peace in your life by creating these contracts because, you know, witches spell it out.
32. Making Peace - Speaking of making peace this is a good time to review your past make peace with it and let it go. Whether you have prior conflicts or regrets or resentment second be a simple as writing a letter, going to therapy, or telling the person that you love them and forgive them. Marianne Williamson defines forgiveness as no longer being affected by a person or incident, not that that what happened was okay or ever will be okay. But you can be okay. So forgive your parents, your siblings, your ex lovers. None of these people and none of the past define you now. You can do the Hawaiian Ho'oponopono ritual for forgiveness.
33. Get a Job - Studies show that people who retire early tend to lead shorter lives. Why? Because often our work gives our lives meaning. There's a reason it's called an occupation - it keeps us occupied! Be okay with a complete new career change, even if you have "retired". Or consider volunteering, taking classes, or getting involved in local politics. After a period of isolation, reconnect with your community as a mentor.
34. Let your Freak Flag Fly - Do you want your hair to go grey, purple, fire engine red? Have you always wanted to get a tattoo? Want to show up at work wearing fairy wings? Why not go for it? Play your body and what it means to you to grow old gracefully. Don't buy into the stereotypes and start wearing frumpy clothes. At least add a dash of glitter to your repertoire.
35. Love Your Body - Feed yourself good, yummy foods that you truly enjoy to nourish your whole being; play with your body, dance, do yoga, go roller skating, get an exercise ball, stretch. Get rid of your scale - you’ll be surprised how much happier you’ll feel.
    
36. Gain Weight - According to Susun Weed, women who gain ten extra pounds usually do better through menopause. As our ovaries stop producing estrogen, it's up to our body fat to producing it instead. Plus a little extra padding could be useful in a fall! And after years of playing the dieting games, isn't it about time to accept your body and stop wasting time and energy trying to be thinner? Deepak Chopra says that it's not thin people live the longest, but people who maintain the most consistent weight.
37. Go on Retreats - As in re-treat yourself. What is a treat for you? A nice meal, a massage, a mani-pedi? Going camping, to a music festival, or a yoga workshop? A retreat could be one hour, one day, or one week. The most important thing is to plan them, put them on your calendar, claim the gift of time for yourself. I like to go on on four day silent retreat that are also writer's retreats. They are affordable and easy for me to schedule on a regular basis. Different in focus from vacation, retreats can be focused on personal reflection, relaxation and rejuvenation.
38. Fire Up Your Brain - While going through the pause, I often found myself doing just that - pausing. Indeed, half of my exercise came from going upstairs and completely forgetting why I had gone there in the first place. Spacing out, blanking on names and words, forgetting what you were doing - a few more challenges to be sure. Practice mental exercise - crossword puzzles, Suduko, logic games, memory games. Build your mental muscles by affirming that you just "remembered" your keys, etc, rather than our knee jerk reaction of saying, "oh, I forgot my keys". Use your fingers to keep lists for short term memory. Use your phone for longer or long term lists. And remember, this could be a great time to practice beginners mind, the Buddhist concept of treating everything as if it was for the very first time, connecting with a sense of wonder and innocence rather than confusion or doubt.
39. Practice Emotional Ergonomics - Ergonomic means to practice efficiency and comfort. What would bring you emotional comfort, and what is an efficient way to communicate that need? Let your partner/ kids/parents/friends) colleagues know you are in transition, might be a bit weepy, but still need to be taken seriously. These are tender times, much like the hard shelled crab busting out of its shell in order to grow into new form. Accept offers of help gracefully - much like having a baby, everyone will offer their advice. Nod sagely as the wise woman that you are, be proactive on any advice that resonates with you and disregard the rest. 
40. Chose to be Active - I had my first car for 19 years. I've had my second Honda for thirteen now. If there's anything I've learned about cars is take care of them with regular maintenance, good grade fuel and lots of lubricant. My body is my vehicle, it has served me well for the last fifty years. Now the question is, what am I willing to do to make it last another 50 more? Choosing to be active is key. You don't need a frickin' yoga class, just bend and extend throughout the day. Go on walks to transmute energy. Stretch more! Check in with your accupuncturist, chiropractor, or massage therapist for regular tune ups. Remember Omega 3s to stay lubricated in your joints and AstroGlide for other slippery needs.
    
41. Work is Love Made Visible - Do your own house cleaning or gardening. Deepak Chopra has plenty of examples of people living to be in their hundreds not because they went to the gym, but because they stayed active everyday, physically and mentally.
42. Mindful Eating - Your metabolism has changed drastically. Keep a food journal or do my fitness pal, which eventually I got tired of and called "my fitness nag". Forgive yourself the moments of carbo overload, reduce stress to remind your body it's all okay. Take smaller bites, take home more leftovers. Learn to savor and relish, back to being the gourmet instead of the gourmand. As we grow more vintage, our liver processes alcohol differently too - practice more moderation.
43. Weep - Weep, cry, keen, howl, wail when you need to. At band-aid commercials, in the shower, when reminiscing about the past. 
Cry with a friend, a counselor, your favorite pet, or a sappy movie. Release grief, disappointment, guilt, heartbreak, frustration. We release different biochemicals in emotional tears rather than those shed in physical pain. Use your tears to release those toxins. Or find a lachrymal, and capture your tears to use as holy water in your rituals.

44. Reminiscing - "In memories golden basket, drop a pearl for me" - Laura Ingalls Wilder. Notice your memories replacing your eggs in your sacred space. Suddenly it is easier for me to remember my phone number in first grade or my kindergarten teachers first name than what someone told me five minutes ago. There's a reason all these memories are coming up now. Mainly, because you can handle them. Emotionally, spiritually, you have the experience and maturity to review the past, and much like the oyster who coats the irritating grain of sand with the iridescence of the mother, creates the pearls of wisdom.
45. Potent Dreaming - Notice your dreams as you wake up every 90 minutes- an adrenal cycle. Are they more vivid? About closure? Lucid? I noticed my dreams becoming very heightened, especially right before walking up. If I could hold the image while going to pee, rearranging the sheets, or putting the fan on, often I would fall back into the same dream, able to take it further, sometimes to a satisfactory completion through lucid dreaming. Lucid, as in, I am aware that I am dreaming. Thus, mindful dreaming.
    
46. Darkness - Darkness is our friend, as light stimulates the pituitary gland in the third eye. Keep your bedroom extra dark, or buy a sleep mask. I found that I generally woke up to the crowing of cats, ie predawn. If I actually got up, fed the critters, peed and even better pooped, putting on a sleep mask could offer anywhere from 90 to 180 minutes more delicious sleep. Try to keep electronics out of your bedroom, especially cell phones. If you need a clock, get a battery one with no all night clock display. Even pop your clock in the bedside drawer to stop from obsessing over lost sleep.
47. Hot in the streets, Cool in the Sheets - Sometimes just finding one cool spot on the mattress for a hand or foot can make a world of difference. I've needed to rearrange cats several times, whose bodies tend to run a good five degrees warmer than ours, hence being my fuzzy water bottles of love. There are cooling sheets, pillow cases, mattress covers and even mattresses, depending on your budget. I find that having a king size sheet on my queen size bed serves as away to tuck between limbs, or to create a barrier from my slumbering husband, who also generates an incredible amount of heat. It is not unusual for me to get up in the night and take naps in the guest room, on the massage table, or on the couch, simply to find some coolness.
48. Go outside - Yes, it is two in the morning. Yes, it is raining heavily, in fact I am up to my ankles in the flooded backyard. Yes, I am naked, arms outstretched to catch the cool drops if rain mingling with the sweat in my body. New moon or full, foggy or clear starlit sky, simply walking outside has proved to be a balm to the soul, a way to connect both to the darkness of night and nature's delight. I have become friends with the raccoons, opossums, skunks, and other nocturnal critters.
49. Being Alone, Together -Menopause is hard, and can be hard on relationships. Ask your partner not to freak out during heart palpitations, memory meanderings, or emotional swings. I've emphasized alone time over and over, but also make some together time with your significant other. A sincere hug and honest communication will help ease any feelings of rejection or doubt that can occur during this sensitive time. Humor helps - whenever I get over emotional I’'ll make "sad whale noises" or even text that to my husband, daughter, best friend. The vocalization often helps to dissolve the lump in my throat and change the tears to a smile in my eyes.
50. Go Natural Fibers - Invest in cotton or rayon as far as sheets and clothes go. Get rid of anything polyester, anything that doesn't breathe. Put away your silks for a while, they'll just get sweat stained. layers are our friend, both in terms of bedding and clothing, so be prepared for quick switches, i.e more button downs or zippers rather than struggling to pull something up and over your head. And look around your home - is everything made of plastic or synthetic materials? How much off gassing have you been breathing in for years? Even now studies show plastic bottles that get heated release estrogen. Come back to wood, glass, and ceramics. Yes, they might break, they might (gasp!) get old. Consider the Japanese tradition of Wabi-Sabi, of infusing gold into the cracks of time to elicit that which is precious.
    
51. Free the Tatas - Stop wearing a bra, as much as you can, or at least get fitted for a new one. Nobody cares if you're tits are hanging to the ground. Seriously, everyone is so self absorbed no one is really looking at you especially in a culture where youthfulness is exonerated. Allow your lymph glands to do their work of cleansing the body without being restricted by the tight elastic of uncomfortable underwear. Do clean under your breasts daily, the sweat makes a harbor ground for bacteria and yeast.
52. Cross Dress for Success - Wear men's underwear if your thighs rub together. The new boxer briefs for men are a zillion times better than the so called boy cut girl underwear. If it feels weird, sew the flappy closed, but it never bugs me. Men's underwear is cheaper, better sewn, and less likely to have thin bands of elastic that cut off circulation in thighs and belly area. My husband is almost a full foot taller than me, weighs more, but we fit in the same size waistband, much to my dismay. Solution? Buy different colors so they don't get mixed up in the wash!
53. Healthy Flora - Changes are going on both internally and externally. Your whole biochemistry is changing. Use an anti-fungal, or antibiotic ointment in owie places, where you see or feel any redness of chafing. Especially between thighs, under breasts, but surprisingly also behind your ears, between your toes, any creases that can trap dirt. Be light with tea tree oil, choose a carrier oil or moisturizer in order not to end up over drying. Evening Primrose oil helps with psoriasis, eczema and menopause acne, whether taken internally or applied topically. Pro-biotics help the gut adjust to new metabolic conditions, create better digestion and assimilation of nutrients. Check with your doctor first if you have any allergies.
54. Grieve - There is a difference between not being able to give birth anymore and being able to give birth and choosing not to have children of one's own. I never wanted to have children. Intact,there are only two distinct times in my life when I wanted to get pregnant. Once was in high school, simply feeling so happy in a random moment with my then sweetie, more a feeling of being pregnant with possibility than anything else. Then, in my late thirties, after getting divorced. I realized pretty quick it was not that I wanted another child, but wanting a child that I would not have to share with my ex (my daughter’s birth mother). So it came as quite the surprise that as my eggs dried up I grieved no longer having the option to conceive, even though I never felt the proverbial biological clock ticking, yet alone the biological urge to procreate. When I got together with my husband, he was quite willing to discuss having kids, despite our advanced age (I was 43 at the time, he was 56). Twelve years later, I still wonder if I will regret that we didn't try. My logical mind says no, health risks etc, my emotional side makes sad whale noises.
55. Heart Magic - I glance down at my blouse. I can see it visibly moving with every palpitation. I wonder if my client notices too, the twitching cloth at my chest. My heart is pounding - in my chest, my ears, the roof of my mouth. I focus on each palpitation, distinguish the pulse in my neck as I discreetly touch the pulse in my wrist. Thirty seconds later it's over, passed, like the high tide. Many doctors prescribe statins at this time, so discover what is right for. you. Omega 3s, increased fiber and Vitamin E are natural adjuncts for heart health. What does make your heart pound? Fear, worry, excitement? Let every beat of your heart ripple out in a wave of peace.
    
56. Sheila Na Gig - In many of the churches and cathedrals in Ireland, above the main entrance portal can be found the image of Sheila Na Gig. Slightly hideous, a grinning, bald hag is openly displaying her genitals. Her significance has been pondered for centuries - above the portals/openings, her own opening, is she the midwife if death or a symbol of rebirth? To me she is the epitome of the juicy crone, she who has the last laugh. When I die, I hope it's when I'm masturbating. Than my epitaph can say, "She had a hand in it."
57. Hop To It - I certainly noticed that my predeliction for beer was hyper sensitive during menopause. But no doubt, hops also have an estrogen effect. however, I also noticed my sensitivity to alcohol increasing. Specifically, both red and white wines gave me headaches and the snuffles, something I always attributed to. the sulfites used as a preservative. But now more than ever, drinking hard alcohol made me feel hard and bitter. It was easy to feel nauseated, bloated, just plain old uncomfortable drinking the same amount as ten years before. Needing to be more mindful of my drinking was a matter of responsible drinking - thus avoiding less arguments, emotional upsets, hangovers and cures.
58. Lespugue Goddess - The Lespugue goddess was discovered in 1922. Considered a fertility goddesses, I certainly see her as a crone. Pendulous breasts, extended belly, here could be the archetype to the the elder, she who survived, she who passed on vital information. We live in a culture that tends to dichotomies the virgin/whore, or the maiden/mother, so one has to ask, who benefits from attributing icons to these categories rather than a non sexual as in non reproducing female who still has power and influence for the clan?
59. Rest in Peace - I go to bed ridiculously early. 7pm, maybe 7:30 or 8pm. I get up between 6am and 7am, twelve hours later, but in that time I’m happy if I get my proverbial eight hours of sleep. Why? Because I know that I will be up for hours in the interim. I certainly have learned that If you can't sleep, rest. What does it mean to be mindful about resting? It might mean watching one's breathing, or doing a body tour to relax each of the muscle groups. For me, this is my prime thinking time. All day long I deal with clients. And shopping and cat food. Finally, a time to review my thoughts, gain insights, and adjust my course. Rather than dreading these awake times, I have taken to cat napping more, practicing self hypnosis or simply meditating.
60. Tap into your Power - Stimulate all of your glands- it's not just about your ovaries. Tap on your third eye/pineal gland, thymus, sore spots/lymph, try some light chi gung on kidneys. EFT, also known as Emotional Freedom Technique or Energy Tapping is a useful way to transmute sine of the emotional toxins arriving during menopause. Using the key phrase,"Even though "I'm emotional right now, I completely love and accept myself" while tapping on meridian points.
    
61. Chart It - In the medical industry we have a saying - "If you didn't chart it, you didn't do it." not only is charting important for accountability, it is a great way to feel in control of your symptoms. Charting can be as easy as notes your wall calendar to a more complex spreadsheet, whatever makes the most sense for you. Simply take notes such as extra weepy today or assign values (on a scale of 1 to 10 my stress level today is...." ask your partner to take infrared photos during your flashes, proof positive of the feeling of solar flares emanating from within.
62. Altruism - Right now, in these turbulent times, i truly believe that the most radical, political (as in for the people) act that I can do is reading to toddlers once a week at the Monterey Bay National Marine Sanctuary Center, here in Santa Cruz. Studies show that happiness can be increased when we do kind acts for others, with no need for pay, although we do need recognition. As you step into the role of the crone, no longer mothering your children or your business, where would you like to invest your precious energy? Become a docent, volunteer, be the storyteller, the grandmother, even if you've never giving birth.
63. Evolution - We are the only animals who do this. Dogs go through estrus (bleed when in heat), but we humans menstruate, we bleed AFTER. And are the only animals who continue to live for a significant time (half or our whole lives) without being able to reproduce. What evolutionary purpose could menopause serve? Certainly having another person who has experienced childbirth could be helpful to a younger generation, particularly if there is no completion for male attention. Interesting that we become less attractive by societal standards, but also by biological attractiveness. Like cows learning to be domesticated in order to insure survival, maybe many of the so called symptoms or at least the signs of aging could be natures sneaky way of ensuring longest invite through a combination of usefulness and nonthreatening characteristics.
64. Going Crazy - My dad asked me if I was willing to be crazy when I went through menopause. His memories of his mother - we're talking 1960s Italy here -  is that she went crazy during her menopausal years. I remember a particularly dramatic day in Milan when she showed up unexpectedly after taking the bus from Rome, her arms in the air, screaming at the top other lungs,"Io Venuto!” Being crazy is something I'm pretty paranoid about, mostly from messages from my parents, no wonder I got into the field of mental health. But what is crazy? There certainly are the manic depressive moments, emotional sensitivity, angry outbursts, and storms of tears, but I never actually questioned my sanity. I have been aware of the roller coaster, and thus mindful as I result, to read these as symptoms that need addressing, not labels for the rest of my life. Back to soothing teas, acupuncture, doing self-hypnosis as wells as art and journalist to channel mine, and hopefully my grandmothers energies into something grounded and centered.
65. Mutating - This is not medical or pathological, this is normal, said the monarch to the caterpillar, no, to the pupating mass of undefinable metamorphosis. I have felt so smooshy, gooshy, in limbo. Everyday a new part of my body hurts. Usually just for a day, like my body is saying hello here is your little toe, hello let me introduce you to your gallbladder. I notice the twinges and try not to pathologize them. I notice my belly getting bigger, now I know why it's called middle age. I notice my brain turning to mush, as I try to remember something my daughter mentioned five minutes ago, while suddenly I can recall my childhood phone number with ease. Because it’s hard to define myself, it's hard to design myself.
    
66. The Void - I find myself thinking about empty vessels. On my altar, an empty basket, or an empty bowl sits in front of the crone. Where is there sacredness in the absence of all? I find myself contemplating the black hole in the middle of my uterus, which is not just blank but somehow sucking in all of my life force within. I succumb to the abyss, allow myself to wallow in the nothingness of my soul. What this really looks like is staying in bed for hours on end. Maybe it is this hollow feeling that I try to feed with food, with alcohol, with endless crossword puzzles. I long to be hollow like a drum, still resonant, still beating.
67. Be a B.I.TC.H - An acronym for (You) Bet I Take Charge Here. Or, Being In Total Control of Herself. So go ahead, be a bitch, a hag, a nag. Allow yourself to be charge, to walk with your head held high, to not move over in the sidewalk when a man is walking by. People will call you a bitch, but you can just smile.
68. Focus and Simplify - Go slow. Savor. Your not spacing out, you're being super ridiculously present. Right now half my exercise comes from walking upstairs and wondering why I went up there in the first place. At first I'd be annoyed and irritated with myself, an easy thing to beat myself up over. Now instead I treat my life like I treat my garden, I flit from one task to the next, easily distracted so have developed ways to not lose the shears.
69. Man o pause - I discovered that many of my male clients who were my age or older were experiencing some of the same symptoms, mainly emotional hypersensitivity. One client confessed to crying during war movies for the first time. Again I wonder, what evolutionary purpose would that serve? Certainly to have an elderly male who is not just good at being a warrior, but now able to develop both compassion and emotional intelligence would be an advantage to any tribe or culture. Certainly men's hormones will dip over time.
70. The Wounded Healer - According to Greek mythology, Chiron is the wounded Healer. He was an immortal, but as luck would have it he got stabbed by one of Hercules' poison arrows. Now he was condemned to being in agony for eternity. He scoured the earth looking for a cure, trying each and every one of the herbs for medicinal properties, but to no avail. So he decided to turn over his knowledge of the healing properties of plants over to humanity, even though he still suffered. The gods and goddesses were so moved by this gesture they decided to let Chiron become mortal, and thus die from Hercules arrow. Now he is an asteroid in the sky, known as the rainbow bridge according to Barbara Hand Clow and other astrologers, linking Mars and Jupiter, our deepest desires and our willingness to be in the social world. the message here is how to change one's deepest wound into ones greatest gift, to bridge our selfish desires with our desire to improve the world, not just enjoy it. Myself and many of my clients are experiencing a Chiron return around the age of 50. We are looking at our past and recognizing the need to stop being a victim of past conditioning, it is not our wounds that define us. So how to walk not necessarily as the hero, but the healer, the teacher, the mentor, and in whatever way encourage future generations despite our own frustrations. Check with your local astrologer or an ephemera to see where Chiron is in your chart.
    
71. Remember to Remember - You can boost your memory by "remembering" instead if forgetting. Every time we say, "Oh no, I forgot my keys (or whatever)!" we are actually affirming forgetting rather than what actually happened - you remembered (present tense) that you forgot something (past tense). Affirm the present moment, the remembering, and retrain your brain to say, wow I just remembered my keys, to pay the property taxes, to breathe... Rosemary is for remembrance too, so use some aromatherapy or consider taking Gilko Biloba to also boost memory.
72. Righteous Anger - Guess what, there's a lot to be angry about. So don’t just be a cranklepuss or a curmudgeon, notice what is really infuriating - might be some old family dynamics or just feeling a lack of control in our government. Anger is truly a force to embrace, rather than just trying to be nice or deny it. It can explode and harm others, or implode and harm self. Anger serves a purpose - it lets us know that something is not right, something needs to change. Often behind anger is hey or fear. Take for example if someone is standing on my foot. It hurts. I express pain. They don't do anything about it. Now I express anger - I get louder, or maybe I even shove them off my foot. Then negotiations need to start - does the other person see the harm, take responsibility? Do I just act the victim and not say anything, or respond in a passive-aggressive way, i.e make them feel guilty without letting them know what happened? Whether it is your spouse or your government w ho is stepping on your toes or your rights, now is a good time to be fierce and passionate in expressing yourself, your needs. Channel that anger into something passionate, productive, and for social good.
73. My Precious - I have never been so hot, do sweaty, so Gollum, so realizing that I am "my precious" .Honor this time, in whatever's best for you. You are precious, your time is precious. I found myself letting go of business networks, social gatherings, old friends and even family. My time to myself - not to do anything but stew in my own juices- were some of the most healing and best times, even if in them I wallowed in hot, sweaty misery. There is a particular selfishness during this time of holding our blood to ourselves - no longer needing to be acknowledged as the attractive maiden or the productive mother, this is a time of coming home to oneself. A harsh reality for many husbands who thought that after retirement their wives would take care of them, instead we have an army of cronies ready to take down nuclear missile testing grounds.
74. Be Old - name it claim it. Say it out loud, fierce and proud. Be your magnificent crone, baby witch, pierced elder.
75. Frugality - Be frickin' wise with your money. Everything is changing, including your energy. Plan ahead. You might want to lavish your grand kids with eating out and trips to the toy store. Be smart - they will remember a simple picnic in the park. Put that money into a college fund instead. Be mindful of the difference between spending and investing - whether referring to your time, money, or other resources.
    
76. Be Humble - You have never done this before. Puberty, pregnancy, perimenopause - you’ve been through some of these hormonal roller coasters, but nothing like this. Thank the goodness you are stronger than before.
77. This Too Shall Pass Yes, it will. Practice the mantra, "My life is good - And only getting better!"

Blessed be.

Kayla

Disclaimer: Nothing in this article is intended to indicate or imply that Kayla Garnet Rose is a licensed medical or mental health practitioner. This article is not meant to diagnose, cure, or treat in any way, medical conditions, illnesses, or diseases. Hypnotherapy is not the practice of medicine, psychology or psychiatry, and is not in any way intended to be a replacement for diagnosis or treatment of any complaint or ailment. Persons with medical conditions should seek treatment from a licensed physician or other licensed healthcare professional. Persons with mental disabilities, disorders or illnesses should seek the care of a licensed psychiatrist, psychotherapist or other mental health professional.