Transformation is a Way of Life, Not a Moment in Time
We see the magician, one arm raised to the heavens, one pointing at earth, all the four-element tools before her, hummingbirds a-hovering by her shoulders. Then we notice the locks of hair - bringing forth both Samson and the Gorgon.
The most radical thing I have ever done was cut my hair. When I was a kid, my hair was sparse, thin, and cut short like a boy's. People often mistook me for a boy because I wore jeans and T-shirts instead of dresses.
I always wanted long hair. My mother had hers down to her waist, as did both of my babysitters. This was in the early days of Disney, and all the princesses had long blonde hair. I remember crying at Woolworth's because the only princess mask was Cinderella, and she had blonde hair when mine was brown.
My hair finally started to grow in elementary school. This started long fights with my mother. Our chant: “First the brush, then the comb, then the rubber band.” I would keep it contained in one or two braids. By the time I was in high school, I could sit on it. I never got it cut. Occasionally my mother would trim the split ends. It was only in my 20s that I finally got bangs.
During my first marriage, things got a little bit rocky, and I remember thinking, if we broke up, what would I do? I knew instantly I would cut my hair and do a ritual with it. I became the butch babe I was always attracted to.
In 1994, I went to my brother's hairdresser to chop off my hair. I made a thick braid which was deftly sliced off. That rope of hair lived above my altar for over a decade. One day I decided that as my hair contains my history, I should allow it to be free. I went down to Lighthouse Field and released the strands into the breeze so the birds could make their nests.
I walked into Herland and gave my wife a big hug from behind. She turned and put her hands on my head, stepped back, and said, "I thought you could never surprise me."
It served me well, this butch cut. A classic flat top, a touch of hair gel, I looked like a little spiky hedgehog. Being the queen Amazon at the lesbian bookstore, I needed to be tough, a warrior. Every day I was baited by random men who had nothing to do but try to argue politics.
After Herland closed in 2004, I grew out my hair. I wanted to be the Priestess rather than the Warrior. I exchanged my contact lenses for prescription glasses, bought a plethora of long, flowy skirts and tunic tops, covered my tattoos, and worked hard to embody the archetype of the healer.
Much to my surprise, my hair grew out thick and wavy, when it has always been flat and straight. I keep it about shoulder length, and my hairdresser, who really is my therapist.. She cuts layers upon layers to free me from the weight on my neck and still frame my face. She always cuts my bangs too long, but I love her anyway.
I walked over to my local coffee shop and ran into an old friend, who said, "Oh, you look so different!"
And I thought, yes, because I am not the same.
Being a triple Libra, I have always associated myself with the Queen of Swords. She is somewhat known to be cold-hearted and a little bit of a bitch, but I always have taken that in stride, that being an acronym for Being In Total Control of Herself.
We see her here with a crown of butterflies, which usually I associate with her sister air sign Gemini, but it does show to me that she has flitting thoughts and can sample the nectar from every flower. She is also graced with a snowy owl, symbol of wintry wisdom, long-term survival, and the ability to see in the darkest of times.
The Queen of Wands purrs like a cougar. She knows she is a woman well loved, and she enjoys flirting across the spectrums. Yellow sunflowers burst around her; orange California poppies grace her arm tattoos. Sensuous and serene, her warm hold robes exude her being centered in her third chakra of will power. She is Will. She is Power.
Orcas accompany the Queen of Cups, matriarchs of the sea. Killer whales are one of the few animals that experience menopause, the sense that the grandmothers are here to tend to the generations. She knows storms and calm waters, typhoons and the slow growth of the clams, who witness the eon-long changes much like the rings on redwood trees. Her blue and purple robes evoke both the crown chakra and the third eye - The Queen of cups is deeply intuitive, pays attention to her dreams, and is in love with the Moon.
The Queen of Pentacles is enjoying the garden harvest, which is ripe with apples, grapes, roses, and pomegranates. The Tree of Life is carved on her throne.
The king counted his money, she counted her honey, and now she is ready to both reap the abundance and save the seeds for future endeavors. She is seen with a hare, ears a-twitching, nibbling at the grasses, eyes darting everywhere. While calm, the hare is alert, ready to respond at any moment- that is her responsibility, her ability to respond.
The Tarot of a Rambling Rose soon available on Amazon!
Part of the fun was choosing a particular animal for each card. It seemed obvious to choose birds for the air cards, marine mammals for the water cards, etc. but what came up in both the minor and major Arcana were dogs. Now, I am a cat person, hence my companion calico cat through my journey through the tarot, but as I contemplated each card, I thought about dogs in my life...
Sweet Maisy dog, black lab, constant companion at the Herland Women's Book-Café during her time of seizures. Maisy was transpetual - a cat trapped in a dog's body, as honored in my book, Vibrissae. We see her here in the Eight of Pentacles as the loyal, steadfast friend who witnesses the hero as she carves the tree of life into the church walls. When you pull this card, notice being the apprentice, connect with peers, guilds, and colleagues to both offer and receive support in developing yourself now.
Doberman - as noted in Carolyn Gage's play, No Dobermans Allowed. Fitting for the Hierophant, the False Priest, who is unpredictable, power-hungry, and generally full of themselves. On one hand, "Abstinence makes the Church grow fondlers," and on the other hand, if you pull this card, maybe "let your karma run over your dogma."
We see both a domestic dog and a wolf on the Moon card, representing both our tame and wild selves, what ebbs and flows, but both parts want to howl at certain times, uniting with the pack, raising our voices, releasing our sorrows. Much like during COVID, when folks would bang pots and pans or howl from balconies, this card invites us to connect with our neighbors, friends, and allies in the most basic of ways.
Happy June! I've gone through a few iterations of the Lover's Card for my new deck and book, Tarot of a Rambling Rose, and I think the latest is just fabulous!
Traditionally the Lover's Card has the man looking at the woman, the woman looking at the angel, the angel smiling down - the perfect love triangle? They are naked in their splendor, with the tree of life and the burning bush on either side, and our favorite serpent hanging out in the branches. Snakes represent transmuting old poisons, shedding the skins of the past, and welcoming in fresh wisdom based on past experiences.
In my deck, I started with a representation of my husband, but I thought a lot about how our lover is often a mirror of yourself, and wanted to play with that idea more, so first created a more gender-neutral image, but it just felt flat. Now, as a tattooed love babe, who would be not just my reflection, but my inspiration, as in, takes me out of my comfort zones, challenges me to be my authentic self, despite and cultural norms or inhibitions? And if not a lover - partnerships, friendships, collaborations, moving from the solitary practitioner and feeling you have to do it all on your own to teamwork, support, networks.Some self-love rituals include cleansing your space/aura with sage, lavender, or dragon's blood. Buy yourself new sheets, fresh underwear, rearrange your bedroom, buy yourself flowers. Make it as pleasing as possible, for as Starhawk says, "All Acts of Love and Pleasure are my Ritual."
The Tarot is a system of 78 cards intersecting between five modalities (Spirit, Physical, Emotional, Intellectual, Energy) and numerology (ones are beginnings, two are balance, etc).
Oracle cards have their own system. My favorite are Medicine Cards. Usually around forty-fifty cards, they might follow a particular path, most have positive images and lovely affirmations. I like using them as clarifiers - energetic resources, focus points, sources of support.
This is one of the reasons I love the tarot - Here are these 78 life lessons, the pretty moments as well as the knitty-gritty. Its the hard stuff that we have to look at, and the beauty of a tarot reading is getting the root of the moment, as well as validation, a new perspective, and often, just plain old good advice. The part of us that "knows" without the shame, guilt, doubt, disbelief getting in the way.
Of course, the Major Arcana depict the Major Life moments - Death, The Tower, The Devil (more on these later), but its also the Minor Arcana that let us tune into our finer sensibilities, just like paying attention to the moon.
Disappointment. Grief. Despair. Exhaustion. Sorrow. Heartbreak. Doubt. These are all human emotions, human life lessons. Seeing oneself reflected in the cards does not mean you are destined to be cursed with this particular affliction, but instead asks you, just like going to grandma, insert tarot book, to get a new perspective. What are the resources on the card - animal, plant, color, chakra. Like the cat who licks its wounds, lick yours, heal, and move on.
Socrates once said, "The unexamined life is not worth living." Look, learn, apply. The tarot has much to offer as you gather information, reflect, and then make the best decisions.
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