Tea for Two

There are times I pull a book from the shelf
When really I need to listen to myself
Times I pick up the phone to make a call
But the truth is - Inside, I know it all

Times I ask my therapist, Times I ask my mother
The lady at the drugstore, just some other
Person to download all of my blues
But talking to myself has all of the clues
Looking for a deeper more meaningful sensation
It’s with my soul I’d like to have a conversation

I’d like to know that I’ve really been heard
It’s all here, maybe just not in words
Taking myself out today for 4 o’clock tea
And really, really listening to me

Busy as a Bee

I've been busy as a beaver

Busy as a bee

Busy with my life

Busy being me

Business keeps me busy

 With clients and meetings

Phone calls, texts and emails

Let alone Tweeting

Busy being responsible

With a teenager so cool

Busy being a parent

Plus I went back to school

Housework, Homework,

Paperwork and more

There always seems

To be one more chore

 

Grocery shopping, errands, garden

Always such a lot to do...

I know I'm keeping myself busy

So I'm just too busy

to think

about

you.

Menu

Mourning my past relationships

Is like

Mourning my last meal

I'm hungry

And all I can think about

Is that last dessert

Even though

It gave me

Heart burn

How to turn my thoughts

To what could possibly be

On the next

Menu

Viene Aqui

Come to me

My beautiful unknown

Come to me

And I will feed you

Pomegranate Seeds

I will lay out a picnic

On these golden, grassy hills

And invite you to dine

On apples and clemetines

We'll read to each other

Feeding hearts and minds

We'll be drunk on laughter

But I'm still glad I brought

Apricot wine

Come to me

All that I can not imagine

Come to me, and I will feed you

Pomegranate seeds...

Onions and Pearls

"Opinions are like onions - The both make weep"- Retreat participant

Those 3 famous words
"In my opinion"
With their weight, authority
Testimonials and reviews

I can be satisfied
With my own opinions
With my body's messages
Of what I truly value
Even cramping right now
Serves a purpose

True serenity comes
After grinding grit against the mother
In my hands
I hold the pearl of wisdom now

Stepping off my pedestal
I let go of self judgement
Moving easily along my path
Discriminating, discerning
Choosing each step carefully
If not fussily

I notice letting go of the opinions
Of plum trees and small violets
Of spotted lillys and green mosses
I even let go of the opinions
Of this particular circle of women
Criticizing my writing now

I write slowly, I read clearly
Raising my shaky voice
To tell the world what I think
In my experience, in my opinion

There will be those who agree with me
And those who don't
Either way -
They'll know their own truths

Longing for acceptance is paradoxical to
Being center of my universe
This ugly ducking
Is ready to be queen of her unnamed pond

There are times I am sweet
And times I am sharp
The Rose
is always protected by the thorns

You might think I'm eclectic
But I am bursting with life
You might think I'm eccentric
But I'm bursting with joy

I soften my sharp tongue
Coat my words with honey
Choose to be engaging
Come be on my team

I pay attention to the details
Loving all my many qualities
I pay attention to myself
This is all I have to do.

Exercise 1: What was "play" like as a girl?

When I was a girl
I would play
In my imagination
Throughout the whole day

I'd create my own stories
let my mind wander far
Every time we went any where
Especially in the car
When I was a girl
And because I was sick
I had to make things up
Yep, that was the trick

My brother was busy
My dad wad too
my mom was gone
But was I blue?


When I was a girl,
In my hospital bed
Nothing could compare
To what was in my head

Some kids were mean
and didn't want to play
I felt lonely & isolated
Sometimes quite gray

When I was a girl
At times it felt so fake
All that pretense
Was just a big escape

I realize it now
I spent my life in fantasy
Now as an adult
I try to create my reality

When I was a girl
I'd dream day and night
When I was a girl

It's what kept my heart light.

-kgr 2009

Cosmic Giggles

The universe is a delightful place
A child's playground of wonder
Where laughter is the best medicine
And knowledge is power
Let me always hear
Coyote's cosmic giggle
Let me always remember
To laugh at myself...

Centering

I close my eyes, take a deep breath in
And out
I am deep in my center, at the very core
of my being

I notice the in-breath, and the out
The wells of emotion
Small twinges in my body
The feeling in my throat

Taking the time to go deep inside
Deeper than before
I observe my mind like a swallow's dance
All my flights of fancy

I observe my bones connected to the earth
Grounding my Self
The pendulum stills, smaller adjustments
Aligned deep in my spine

Centering my mind, bridging the gap
Center in my heart
Expanding and contacting
The in breath and the out

I am centered
I am home.

Letting Go

If a picture speaks
A thousand words
Today I let go
Of volumes

I send this box of memories
In perfect love and perfect trust
I release myself
Of a hundred pictures of you

Going through my past
Meeting your eyes a hundred times
I am Calypso
Soon I will journey to Lesbos

I no longer hold you close
I am complete I am closed
I never told you my heart
And now I keep my silence

I let go of your drinking
I let go of your surgery
I let go of my misery
I let go of my unfulfilled hopes

With a clean heart,
And my song in the wind
I let you go

The root of my success
Is no more compromise
I listen to my inner voice
I am my own authority

I am my own best friend
I am here now
I never lost my best friend
Because I am

I never lost love
Because I am
I regain myself
And the ability to speak truth

My karma is
To examine these past lives
And to birth myself
Anew

I am floating with the moon
Waiting for the tide to turn
But the ashes of my past
Will never return

I am free
I am clear
Let the universe deliver
My message to you

If a picture speaks
A thousand words
Today I send you
A whole library

August 2004

Home

The best part about
being home
is picking all the
cashews
out of Dad's deluxe
trail mix.

kgr, 1988

Overheard

I had sushi last night
It made me think of you
It's so good
but it's so expensive.

kgr, 1988

Earth Day

It was Celebrate Earth Day
And I was wandering the booths
Demonstrating solar ovens
Here in sunny Santa Cruz

Eating fresh baked chocolate chip cookies
Heated up by just the sun rays
Sipping Mountain Brewery organic beer
Learning about more sustainable ways

Whole Foods and New Leaf
Hand out reusable grocery bags
Local teachers, artists and crafts
Use wool, buttons and rags

Pockets of music seemed to
Fill up any empty space
I walked up to your tent
You met me with an embrace

There is no doubt in me
When our bodies fit together
There is no denying
This feeling light as a feather

We held each other
Just that little bit too long
And I was surprised to find
I had a new heart song

Reducing despair,
Recycling the past
Reusing my emotions
To make something that lasts

But the moment I come back to
On this sunny Earth day
Was that you got up to greet me-
And you met me half way.

kgr april 2009

I am Whole Unto Myself

I am a leader with no followers
I am a gypsy with no tribe
I am a nomad in the desert
With no one by my side

I am a single mother
Whose daughter is not home
I am a solitary witch
I practice my magic alone

I am a soulful wanderer
On a meandering path
I am a laughing mermaid
Splashing in my bath

I am a black winged raven
I am feathering my nest
I am a fiery hummingbird
Love is thrumming in my chest

I am a mountain lion
Roaring out of my cave
I am a purring cat
It is my life that I save

I am a white whale
I surface and go deep
I am a true beauty
But I am no longer asleep

I am a well read traveler
My journey is my destination
I banish all sorts of abuse
I drop all my hesitations

I am all by myself
I am happy and content
Each day and night I know
I live a life well spent

I am a big blue dragonfly
I drop all illusions now
I am a monarch butterfly
Transformation is how

I am a glittering fairy
With iridescent wings
I am a strong, strong Woman
Who dances, cooks and sings

I am grounded in the earth
I am filled with sacred fire
I am in touch with my emotions
I live my truth just to inspire

I am a leader with no followers
I am the queen of nobody
I am the goddess of everything
I love myself unconditionally

June 2004

Thoughts on Cats

In this particular moment
I am annoyed with the cats
Which is not good, since
They own me.

It is their exacting
communication
That is so grating...

The sound of claws on upholstery
The unraveling of my material world
The stench of cat urine on the carpet
Well, I'm pissed off too.

They know I'm annoyed
Small faces at the kitchen door
Round eyes somehow even rounder
Melting my resolve...

Crossroads

As you ponder your path

I wonder if I am a distraction
Where has there been union
Where is there faction
Each step we take,
each tiny action
What was a response,
What has been the reaction

I can chart the stars
or cast the cards
to give you more information
But the truth is
it’s up to you
To decide your destination
If you want to know
Where you need to go
Try to google map
Your own imagination

There's times it seems so clear
Times the fog is dense
When I left you at the crossroads
You were still leaning on that fence
You make your choices,
you decide
Let your heart
be your guide

And though the parting
felt hard there in the end
In my heart of hearts
I think of you as a friend
And I’ll always smile
when I remember we shared
Something more
than a few molecules of air.

Today’s Tarot Reading

I am the fool - And I am complete as I put the last piece in place
I am the fool - And I attract my lover to the highest octave
I am the fool - And I think about the source of happiness
I am the fool - And I feel the flowering of my abundant feelings
I am the fool - And I show my structures crumbling
I am the fool - And I analyze my maturity daily
I am the fool - And I no longer compromise in my relations
I am the fool - And I transform my politics
I am the fool - And I seek living moment to moment
I am the fool - And I use the tiger of success
I am the fool - And I’m different through my break through
I am the fool - And I transcend my concept of courage

I am the fool - And I step lightly, gaily
free into the vast unknown, blithe in my ignorance
of all new beginnings

kgr, August 2004

Spirit Razor

Today

I tattooed passion
Across my chest
Feeding my heart
My hummingbirds
And double happiness

The needle skipped over my ribs
Close to the bone
The pain shot up my arm
Like the symptoms of a heart attack

Spirit Razor
Inscribing my flesh
With the passion of a Christ
At least Jesus loves me

Later I pruned the dead azalea
Cut out the faded bamboo
Encouraged the jade
To stay succulent

I ripped apart the mattress
Soaked with the sweat
Of death and nightmares
Back to the earth
It is the time of Virgo

I sort through the chaff
And harvest my abundance
I am discriminating
And I am Whole
Unto Myself
Today

kgr, August 2004

Another Day

Today

I am going to take care of myself
I am going to drink good, strong coffee
I am going to feed myself

It is raining, so
The garden is watered

I am at Herland
I will take care of this beautiful space
And enjoy these last few days

I make my list
For this afternoon:

Go to the batting cages
To practice having fun

And all the way to the bank
I will be laughing

Then to New Leaf
Buy more good food
To feed my body

Afterwards to Logos
for more good books
To feed my head

Go by the stereo place
To fix my amplifier
Music feeds my soul

Call John the Mechanic
To fix my fuses
So I can signal
My intentions

Today's affirmation:
I have plenty of time
And every moment counts

I always take the time
To put myself first
And do what’s right for me

June 2004

Today

 I Have good boundaries

Durga guards my Achilles heal
I ride the tiger of success
I have battled my demons
And I fiercely protect myself

*** I place myself beyond the reach
of all who would destroy me
all who tries to wound me***

I am the Unapproachable
Unreproachable
Nothing can get at me
That I do not willingly let in

I dance my dance of oneness
Only with what and who supports me
Nurtures me
Loves me
I am shielded by my own skin
I choose what to let in

I nurture wholeness
By creating and fixing
The limits of my personal space
I have clear boundaries
As an expression
Of Self Love

I love
My Self

June 2004

Satisfied Desire

The angel of

Purification came to me

I am no longer
the slave to intensity

Instead I am

The face
Of satisfied desire

June 2004