December 20, 2023

Tell-Tale Heart

I forgive myself lazy days on the couch,
All the times I just acted like a slouch,
Eating frozen pizza instead of making a meal,
Every single time that I ever ate veal.

The years I used Roundup cuz I didn't know better,
Or how much child labor went into that sweater
Times. I smoked too much, times. I cursed,
Drove intoxicated, It could have been worse. 

I forgive all the breakups, all the disappointments,
Divorces, lost friends, all the estrangements.
Emails not sent. Phone calls not returned,
Losing trust when it had been so hard-earned. 

It wasn't okay, it isn't now,
But it no longer has to affect me somehow,
Because I learned my lessons, I learn them well,
This is the tale my compassionate heart has to tell.

December 13, 2023

December 6, 2023

Sappho's Delights

Sappho’s Delights: Poems 1984 - 1997

A delicious collection of feminist and lesbian poetry that chronicles the adventures of a young baby crone as she crosses the country and discovers home.

These tasty morsels span almost a decade. From coming out as bisexual during high school in Maryland, a frisky four years of college in Connecticut (with an interim in zesty California), a healing year in Northern Idaho, participating on the Global Walk for a Livable World (where she walked from Los Angeles to Flagstaff, Arizona), living as a lesbian separatist, as well as opening the feminist bookstore in Santa Cruz, California.

Friends, lovers, cats, and companions are celebrated through poems, haiku, songs, ramblings, and even some blues. Dip your toes into the honey!

November 29, 2023

Last Day

Monday morning, the last day of the retreat. It is quiet in the chapter room, besides the flipping of pages as we try to find our list of intentions from Friday's session. I have the taste of ginger cookies in my mouth - every day there was some kind of fresh baked treat but today was the first day that I indulged.

The white roses are faded on the altar, but the sunflowers and showy Azalea are still bright and cheerful. I can hear the cooing of quails outside the window as they scratch through the underduff looking for seeds and bugs.

I'm all packed and ready to go. Part of me wishes these were seven-day retreats, another is ready to get back to the Chip and the cats. I’ve put my phone in airplane mode so that I have a smooth transition back to Santa Cruz, and to give myself another couple of hours of silence before being subject to text calls and emails.

Yesterday, after the morning session, I spent a hours painting my rune stone tiles. I chose jewel tones, with gold and copper accents. This was one of my weekend intentions simply to do art. Of course, I wanted to do more, but it was great just to focus on one project for a long time rather than multitasking, being interrupted, or even hearing music, let alone the television.

I also wanted to read, I finished one book and started another but felt too distracted this morning even though I had plenty of time. It was easy not to drink and I definitely had plenty of food. My only complaint was sleeping poorly as it was too hot and I kept being interrupted by the sounds of the fridge.

I walked every day, actually, I hiked every day. The paths are so steep here I fell once on the way back to the trailer. There were tons of little rocks in the path. I didn't have hot water in the trailer and when the maintenance people came I noticed they walked on the other side of the path which was less rocky so I took that route from then on.

My heart leaped with joy when Amber asked for a volunteer to pack up the altar, rather than having us remove our various treasures. I was sure this would be the last retreat, and I’m curious about what time of year we will be coming back in 2024.

Blessed be.

November 22, 2023

Super Blood Wolf

Full moon, lunar eclipse

Sun on my descendant, moon on my rising

What does it mean

To have the full blaze of the sun

Ye to be eaten

By earth's shadow

Spit up, vomited,

Regurgitated on the other side

Either way

I howl

I show

I'm different

Sun a shield at my back

Protecting my tender entrails

Soft belly

The moon a mirror

Facing outwards

While I murmur the stories

All see their own reflection

If the words are sung right

And you ask the right questions

I am in the Earth's shadow

Eating a blood orange

No longer in the limelight

Prenumberal rebirth

A small voice whispers

Take pride, put yourself out there

Embrace being different

How else can

We experience sameness

Astrology is not prophetic

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November 15, 2023

Pandemic Blues Review


Reviewed in the United States on August 21, 2023
I was immediately drawn in to Kayla’s words and experiences. This book showed me I wasn’t alone in my pandemic blues, and Kayla was able to put words to many of the same thoughts and feeling I had. A great read, with engaging photos. Highly recommend!

November 8, 2023

October Silent Retreat

The drive went well despite Route 1 being washed out past Lucia. I went to Cafe Ivita for a feta spinach croissant and a mocha for breakfast, plus a muffuletta sandwich for a picnic lunch later. I stopped at Nepenthe for a pricey beer and poked around the Phoenix gift store.

The monk who registered me was very kind and complimented my earrings. I unpacked, made my altar, went for a walk around the loop, picked up supplies from the kitchen, and read my new book This Is How You Lose the Time War by Amal Rl-Mohtar and Max Gladstone. 

I saw plenty of quail, and the crickets were so loud this evening that I thought someone was playing heavy metal music nearby. I ate Pringles and cheese for dinner, along with the other half of the mocha. My word at the moment is “excellent” and my intention on this retreat is a connect with the lunar eclipse in Libra, taking in balance, moderation, diplomacy, justice, and harmony.

The three cards from the Goddess Power Oracle by Colette Baron-Reid and three runes (from the Ralph Blum set) I pulled for my heart, my soul, and my mind for today were: Ma’at- Justice with Berkana - Birch; Skuld-Future with Sowelu, The Sun; and Freya- Radical Acceptance with Wunjo - Joy.