VI: The Lovers

There are two beings, naked in their splendor. They have traveled far to meet. This is the time, and this is the place. Their paths cross and a third entity - Love - is born. In the distance is a mountain, their toils of the past to get this far. Between them is is river, gently flowing:

I take delight in
The love that is flowing
just like a river
To the strength of the sea...

And I take delight in
The love that is growing
Just like a river
Between you and me...
(Traditional)

There is green earth under them- they are grounded and stable, a solid foundation. They each come with their gifts - One has a fruit tree in full blossom, feeding them both. A snake winds around the trunk, whispering truth in her ear. She looks to the heavens, as she wonders about worlds of possibilities.The other has a burning bush, keeping them both warm. He looks to her as he has single focus.

Above is the sky, where above a cloud bank an angel of peace brings the message of hope, blessing each of them with outstretched hands. The angel's cloak is the blue of the fifth chakra, communication with love and kindness, kind communication with god. It's wings are purple, color of the higher mind, allowing these beings to rise rather than fall in love. At the apex of the triangle, the angel's hair is a halo of fire, radiant thoughts, and behind the angel is god herself, the blossoming sun, illuminating the whole.

The fog is lifting and the clouds of illusion and despair part as the two lovers come together in perfect love and perfect trust. Each has achieved the trinity within, and now make up the VI: The Six. There is the unity of the one, the polarity of the two, the creativity of the three, the stability of four, fives are the experience of change, and sixes signify the resulting growth. This is a mutually beneficial, reciprocal relationship.

The two beings feel illuminated and blessed, and share their joy with friends and family, their community. They balance and harmonize each other, feeling interdependent and symbiotic, being complementary energies, moving through co-operation and compromise to create together what they could not do individually.

And we can make something bigger
Then anyone of us alone
-Ani DiFranco

These are my notes after pulling IV: The Lovers card at Mary K. Greer's workshop on 21 ways To Read a Tarot Card at this year's Pantheacon

Adventures at PantheaCon: Day 4

My fourth time over the hill in 4 days. Not a big deal to some, but more times than I've driven in probably a year. After all, I live in Santa Cruz, and why leave paradise?

I started out with Every Day Reiki - Magickal and Mundane presented by Francena Marie Hancock. Based on Diane Stein's Essential Reiki, this certainly was the calmest, most peaceful workshop I attended. There was an interesting discussion on why do we ask permission before doing Reiki when Reiki can cause no harm. The general conclusion was out of respect and courtesy - just as in the mundane world every repair person rings the doorbell before entering your space to provide their service.

Next I attended a Sacred Circle Dance hosted by The Bay Area Circle Dancers. From the program, "...simple dances to honor the earth and its rhythms, dances of ceremony, ritual, life and death, and the turning of the seasons... to beautiful music from England, Greece, Israel, Russia, Lapland and the Americas, always closing with the moving dance to Charlie Murphy's "Burning Times".

...And the Pope declared an inquisition It was a war against the women, whose power they feared In the holocaust against the nature people Nine million European women died...

Now the Earth is a witch, and the men still burn her
Stripping her down with mining, and the poisons of their wars
Still to us the Earth is a healer, a teacher, a mother
The weaver of a web of life that keeps us all alive...

As in the Self-Blessing Ritual, here was were I felt the most at home. I was with my tribe, with my kin, holding hands with the old woman next to me, mirroring the young girl across the circle, a part of each person present as we matched our steps and moved our hips. The ninety minutes felt like five and I left feeling that I had just accomplished my whole purpose in attending the con - clarity, connection, and community.

The last lecture I went to was Magic of the Self-Your Holy Guardian Angel hosted by Robert Hagar. Designed to encourage one to find one's own inner teacher rather than relying on outside sources, I was reminded of the classic line from Starhawk's Charge of the Star Goddess:

if that which you seek, you find not within yourself,
You will never find it without...

I drove home equally exhilarated as I was exhausted, fell into bed around 4pm and slept for 15 hours. The sun came out on Tuesday, and after work I laid out on the back deck to get some rays on my face. I found myself thinking about the angel in the Lovers card and wondering who my guardian angel could be, when very clearly the Angel Michael came to me.

To be more precise, I had a visitation from my friend Mikey, who died a few years ago from AIDS related complications after getting a cat scratch. Mikey! My bestest buddy from post college days, just beaming down at me with this beatific smile around his busted up nose. He always did look like a prize fighter, Mikey did, but to the core he was a lover.

"Mikey! I've missed you so much!" I cried, tears pouring down my cheeks.

"Why?" His eyebrows crossed quizzically, "I'm right here, you know. You can't miss me if I'm right here." I laughed at the realization. "Girl, I see good things for you," he continued, "Mmm, hmm, good things..."

I somehow expected angels to be winged creatures or beams of light more than a flaming queen, but if Mikey is my new inner teacher, I'm expecting some fun lessons ahead. Well, that's why I'm a pagan... Fun is my spiritual path.

Let My worship be in the heart that rejoices,  
For behold—all acts of love and pleasure are My rituals...
Blessed Be!

Adventures at Pantheacon: Day 3

Sunday I went solo to PantheaCon, weathering the pouring rain as best possible, Astarius cranked on the CD player. Dressed today in rich velvets and sumptuous silks, I felt quite sparkly in my gypsy skirt covered in gold sequins, my anklet tinkling silver bells, glitter on my cheeks & bindi's aplenty on my third eye (Bindi there! Done that!). Indeed, the whole conference was fully bejeweled, bespangled and bedazzling. If you have ever been to a Renaissance Faire, you know what a lusty, corset filled experience it can be, and imagine that energy further stuffed into an overflowing hotel setting. Simply scrumptious.

I missed my intended workshop on Wild Women Chant for Peace with Z Budepest by a few minutes, as my inner chant for coffee took precedence. The ritual was closed by the time I reached the ballroom, so I decided to randomly enter one of the other workshops in progress.

I slipped in to Pan: The God of All being hosted by Jason Mankey. Good lourdes, could this man be any more attractive? Thick blond, shoulder length hair, the kind you just want to entwine your fingers in; Sparkly blue eyes, mischievous as he dryly delivered yet another phallic joke; self confidence radiating from his entire being in the most relaxed, sexy and natural way. I was simply intoxicated.

Forty minutes of deep fantasy ensued while not paying the least attention to what he was saying, finally some of the words began to sink in. "Pan is the god of anti-monogamy, the god of anti-marriage. Pan is the god of the bar hook up - Let's just say he ain't no Aphrodite with flowers and poems." What on earth was I doing here? I slipped out early, feeling like a recovered addict who had just been offered heroin. Luckily Pan is also the god of masturbation, and certainly Jason gave me plenty of fantasy fodder for the following week.

Donald Michael Kraig hosted a workshop on Experiencing Your Past Lives. He first lectured on hypnosis, leading the audience through several exercises to experience trance, including a count down to a past life experience with a message relevant to today. I thought about all the stomach problems I have had this year, and set the intention to discover the deeper cause.

"And when I reach zero, you will be aware of your surroundings. Start by looking at your shoes..." I looked down at the coarsely stitched brown leather that had passed as my shoes for years. I was aware of vivid green grass, grey stones covered with paler green lichen, the feeling of a cow's warm side, the fact that it was the year 800 in a borderland between France & Belgium. I lived a simple life, making cheeses, laid out on wood slabs, needing to be turned each day, slowly ripening for market. "Now imagine it's the day before your death, and allow an important message to come through..."

Unfortunately, there was a miscommunication about timing and the experience was cut short just when we got to the really juicy part, and I left feeling incomplete. Luckily I'm a certified hypnotherapist myself, and later that night I found it easy to slip into trance and really flush out the details of my experience.

I'm in a tavern, arguing with the inn keeper. I see a bone handled knife, very clearly. I see an abdomen, cut open, slippery guts sliding out - I don't know if it's the tavern keepers' or my own. Later I am with my husband in our hut with no windows, just a hole in the ceiling for the smoke from the fire to escape. It is our last moment together, and I know I have made the right choices.

The two messages I receive are crystal clear: Stop waiting for other's to commit. It is up to me to make the commitment. And so simple, so profound: Trust your gut instincts.

Blessed Be.

Adventures at PantheaCon: Day 2

On Saturday we were smart enough to stop at The Buttery before venturing off for further adventures at PantheaCon. The food at The Double Tree Hotel is not only hideously expensive, but veritably unpalatable as well, especially for kids. We loaded up our bags with avocado sandwiches, boiled eggs and organic pop tarts, little cheeses and bottles of water, excitedly venturing forth over the hill once again.

Once at the conference, the kids took off to play on the elevators and collect ribbons for a treasure hunt. I went to my various workshops and we would meet at a strategic meeting point at various times during the day. On my way to our mid afternoon check in, I got a frantic text:"Snakes at the Con! Meet at elevators!" And indeed, four boa constrictors (including an albino beauty) were wrapped around their various owners, tasting the air with quick lisps.

The highlight of the day for me was The Sacred Body of Woman, a self blessing ritual by Z Budapest. From the program: "This skyclad ritual honors the body of every woman present, the beauty and grace of the feminine form in all her infinite variety. Allow yourself to be embraced by the glorious love of your sisters, with voices raised in sacred song in this central ritual of the Dianic Tradition."

I came to the conference with the intention to rededicate myself to the goddess, and in the moment I felt like I had come home. Here was my tribe, my community, my elders and my daughters. I positioned myself midway in the circle, knowing from times past that I would lose my voice at first, but would regain it as we began to build power. We sang the same chant over and over, as each woman stepped up to bless herself before a mirror, herself the goddess reflected.

As I looked around the room at over sixty women present, I was filled with a deep respect for my own body. When it was my turn before the mirror, I held my own gaze, touching the consecrated wine to my lips, my breasts, my knees. I became the observer, looking down upon myself, and marveled at the strength and flexibility in my 42 year old body. My skin is smooth and supple, and while I dye the grey out of my hair, it is thick and lustrous. I felt so grateful for all the good organic foods I have eaten, all the Zumba I have danced, all the good choices I have made, for keeping me strong, sexy, fit and healthy. I left feeling beautiful and awake, rejuvenated and invigorated, energized and fully alive. All I can say is: Blessed Be.

Adventures at PantheaCon: Day 1

I spent the long weekend attending PantheaCon, one of the largest Pagan gatherings around, held at The Double Tree Hotel in San Jose and hosted by Ancient Ways. Four days of workshops, lectures, rituals, circles and celebrations, attended this year by close to 2,500 folks, fairies, witches & warlocks, not to mention the druids, dryads, nymphs and trolls, but I digress...

Each day poured down rain as I left Santa Cruz, and coming over the mountain on 17 through the fogs began the feeling of moving between the veils of the worlds. On the way to the summit is a large friendly sign with "Jesus Loves You" painted in scrawly letters. "Look, Mom," quips my teenager, "Jesus can be your Valentine for the weekend." This from a girl in love with a boy who sparkles.

I went to two workshops with Mary Greer, the first was 21 Ways to Read a Tarot Card. I pulled VI: The Lovers while my impromptu lab partner, Fedelia, pulled XIX: The Sun. We took turns talking and listening, sharing our hearts and sharing our stories. Luckily there always seemed to be a box of the sacred kleenex around.

The next day Mary gave a great presentation on A Hundred Years of Secrets in the Waite-Smith Tarot which included some members of the audience channelling Pamela Coleman Smith and Arthur Waite. I certainly had an intense visualization of how it must of been for them to work in collaboration and remembered some of my own lessons in co-operation and the fine art of compromise.

Almost twenty years ago now, I hand colored my set of The Daughters of The Moon Tarot Deck, which took me almost four years to complete. I enjoyed the process so much, I started a second set for my partner, whose hands shook from a nervous disorder. We worked together on creating a set - She would pick the colors and I would do the painting. It was a long, interesting exercise in communication for both of us: for example, in some random card I thought the sky should be blue - she would want a purple, orange, red sunset. I had to really listen and see through new eyes. Later I found myself somehow jealous of "her" cards, as the colors were more vivid, and my skills had increased, so they were "better". Ah, the never ending ego...