Bird's Eye View

 

In January, I attended a workshop presented by Dara Brady from Scape School  at The Diversity Center on creativity and it's place in my life.

My Dad died in December, and am still in shock, let alone all the other stages ofgrief. Going down to Santa Barbara, being there not just the last week, but the last moments, was overwhelming. I play infinite games of solitaire, the feeling of being stuck at an airport, waiting for the final departure at the terminal.

Coming home, I found solace in deep cleaning. I had been shirking many a yearly chore since my sister-in-law, Carol, died eighteen months ago. Washing the inside windows is no easy task since I have a plethora of dingles and dangles, but my biggest decision was to burn the two thousand cranes that have been my overhead living room decoration for years. I first started folding them when my Dad was diagnosed with cancer in 2003.

There have been more deaths, piling up faster than the dust bunnies. I buy more sympathy cards than birthday cards these days. I make roasted butternut squash soup, spanikopita, lasagna, all the comfort foods I revisited in COVID days. 

I bought some metallic paints and a new portable light table, investing in my art, starting up the rune project again. The next one is Coyote, Loki. 

Odin

Last winter on retreat, I painted my set of Ralph Blum's ceramic rune stones, using a combination of colors and copper paint. On the back of each one, I wrote keywords, using a Sharpie. Next, I will varnish them, one way or another. And this led me to my next painting project. Much to my cats' chagrin.

The first rune I pulled from the grey velvet pouch was blank - Odin, the Unknowable. All endings are beginnings, and beginnings are ending, so the Oroborous seemed like an organic symbol. 

Swallow me up

Swallow me whole

Create my destiny

Nothing foretold

I'm entering my second Saturn return, and I thought the first one was a doozy. I bought out my business partner, got divorced from my wife, and my parents separated. My Dad would come up every week from Carmel, we planted roses, put in the irrigation system, had lunch at either The Farm or Avanti, and basically became good friends. We both have Saturn in Pisces (as does my daughter). Mine is also conjunct Chiron (the Wounded Healer) opposing both Pluto and Uranus in Virgo in the Second house. If you know any astrology, this is a potent combo.

So here I am, the first day of Spring, thinking about all of the deaths over the last eighteen months. I'm still in grief, but much of the trauma and depression has lifted. Acupuncture, peer counseling, Ignatia, and St. John's Wort have been helpful allies.

As has deep cleaning - going from room to room, not just chasing dust bunnies and culling excessive hangers (my hang-ups) but getting into a creative mode - hanging mini solar-powered fairy lights in the upstairs bathroom and the back room, making a family jewels chest by repurposing the computer box, the simple act of chicken soup. Beginnings and endings.

Odin, the Unknowable, the Great Mystery. One can only wonder about all the worlds of possibilities.

Blessed be.

Baby Crone's Tarot Playbook

Baby Crone's Tarot Playbook

or Laphrodite's Mini Mindfulness Meditations

Baby Crone's Tarot Playbook offers seventy-eight short practices for that tarot on-the-go feeling. Rich, full-color images accompany the guided meditations to create a synthesis of right-brain and left-brain activity by combining potent imagery with meaningful words. Whether you flip to a random page for a quick hit, spend an hour using an image as a writing prompt in your journal, or dedicate yourself to delving deep into the meaning and symbolism of each piece, this is a treasure trove of accessible wisdom.

Radical Honesty

I was mulling the frozen tilapia when she turned the corner. Her cart almost touched mine. 

"Hi, I love your glasses!"

Sparkly rhinestone encrusted purple rims that match the silver and black ensemble. I admired the glitter of her matching eyeshadow and felt dowdy at best. I hadn't even put my nose rings in.

"Happy holidays! How are you?" she chirped.

There was a moment when it was so easy to slip into the little white lies that everything is just fine if not dandy

"My Dad died on December first. I'm still in shock so here's a little radical honesty."

One does not expect to process in the frozen food section at Trader Joe's, but she revealed her grandfather also recently passed.

We stood there, two women with recipes and grocery lists, errands and chores, just taking a moment to share space amidst crackers and gingerbread, shoppers and shelf stockers, more raw and vulnerable than the tender salmon steaks.

In a time where so many make New Year's resolutions - my teacher Lisa says revolutions - my intentions for this year and here on forward is to keep practicing radical honesty.

SLO Tattoo

Driving

How I love California

Valleys scarring

Golden hills

Arriving

Details and stencils

Inks, fine line, and filler

Last one is always the killer

Different pains

Burning, drilling, electric

Striated down through the belly

The hot knife that slices

Carving new vistas

Each scar is a story

Once scabbed, picked at, now

Healed, revealed, no longer raw

Simply incorporated 

Symbols, Sabien, or otherwise

Rite the tattoo experience

Pull the Sun, Three of cups

Understand

Willow leaves, sweet relief

Runic analgesic 

Cool summer breeze

Viola and Forget-Me-Not

Wheel of fortune

Wheel of fame

Let's remember

Lilith again

HRT

 

show me yes

show me no

show me

I don't know

third time

patch slips

not going to

fix this

rub bellies

lube jellies

warm up

cool down

tired of weeping

not sleeping

nightmares

My Key

This morning during meditation

Archangel Michael came to me

Kissed all my chakras open

Wrapped me in his wings

Poured liquid gold into the cracks of my broken heart

Wabi-sabi, it’s whole again

Kissed my sacred yoni

With tongues of fire

Kissed my soles and palms

Releasing the stigma of stigmata

Opened my crown and third eye

So I could see the brilliance inside

Healed my gut, pinched my butt

And told me to Enlighten up