I feel like I've been missing my blogdom. I was pretty gosh darn sick with the flu for quite awhile - but at least in my fevered state the desire for Brie & jello percolated in my frying brain cells and launched my blogging career on another site. Ask me about it over a beer sometime.
I have been busy creating a website for the office, as well as designing both a flyer for our lecture series and a brochure for our collective. Since I am a frustrated graphic designer at heart, many happy hours have been immersed in aligning texts, uploading photo's and scrutinizing punctuation marks. I look forward to mailing out my little creations, as I feel quite proud of my current office geek accomplishments.
Amber decided to make me a treasure hunt to cheer me up. She chose words as clues that led me around the house to discover a trove of antique buttons. Each room had it's own theme, but by far my favorite led right upstairs to my computer, with the single word: "Blog".
What are you doing to keep your spirits up?
February 8, 2008
February 6, 2008
The Day After the Elections
Today is the day after elections... I vote for more love, how about you?
There were several propositions - I voted YES on more laughter, YES on more fun and more spirituality. YES on health, YES on communication, YES on more sex and celebrating sexuality.
I voted NO on repeating old patterns, NO on being stuck in a rut, NO on depression and boredom.
I also voted:
Annie Sprinkle for President
and Starhawk for Vice President
and Megan McElroy for Senator
and Melissa Ferrick for Representative
Laurie Anderson for Governor
and Amber Rose for Mayor...
I vote for more love, and the tide will turn....
There were several propositions - I voted YES on more laughter, YES on more fun and more spirituality. YES on health, YES on communication, YES on more sex and celebrating sexuality.
I voted NO on repeating old patterns, NO on being stuck in a rut, NO on depression and boredom.
I also voted:
Annie Sprinkle for President
and Starhawk for Vice President
and Megan McElroy for Senator
and Melissa Ferrick for Representative
Laurie Anderson for Governor
and Amber Rose for Mayor...
I vote for more love, and the tide will turn....
January 28, 2008
Prayer to Pluto
Dear Hades
Work for me now
I have spent nine long months
Descending into your realms
All has been transformed
I have danced with death
Again and again
My lovership died, my passion and companion
My friendships died, leaving me wide open and alone
My garden died, leaving me barren in places
My cat died, by my own two hands
My business died, and I still need to support myself...
Dear Hades
Work for me now
As you turn stationary direct
Let me ascend as Innana, Persephone
Let me be reborn
As I acknowledge your lessons
Again and again
My lover ignored me, and I was drowning in misery
My friends used me to perpetuate their addictions
My garden was riddled with termites and disease
My cat was sick and suffering from old age
My business was spiraling me deeper into debt
Dear Hades
Work for me now
I am no longer afraid
I have been stripped bare
I embrace my shadow
And find myself the virgin
Whole and complete
Again and again
I am my lover, my passion and companion
I am my friend, I bring out the best in me
I am my garden, mature and wise in my cycles
I am my cat, independent, loyal and playful
I am my business, loving and supporting my family
Dear Hades
Thank you for these lessons learned
I will apply them diligently
I will work with you now
No longer resisting your power
Or denying mine
I am phoenix from the flame
Again and again
New lover, come to me, passion and companion
New friends, come to me, let me share wide open and together
New seeds, come to me, fill my garden with abundance
New animal guide, come to me, feel the love of my two hands
New career, come to me, as I support my self and thrive
Dear Hades
Thank you for abducting me
Stripping me of my crown, my jewels
I stand naked
Knowing who I am
Again and again
I am dragon, I am rebel, I am grace of the swan
I am the wise crone and healing Chiron combined
I am my own garden of earthy delights
I am Aphrodite, Artemis and Amaterasu
I am Bast and Uzume, and I thank you
Thank you Hades
For Changing me
Into me...
Work for me now
I have spent nine long months
Descending into your realms
All has been transformed
I have danced with death
Again and again
My lovership died, my passion and companion
My friendships died, leaving me wide open and alone
My garden died, leaving me barren in places
My cat died, by my own two hands
My business died, and I still need to support myself...
Dear Hades
Work for me now
As you turn stationary direct
Let me ascend as Innana, Persephone
Let me be reborn
As I acknowledge your lessons
Again and again
My lover ignored me, and I was drowning in misery
My friends used me to perpetuate their addictions
My garden was riddled with termites and disease
My cat was sick and suffering from old age
My business was spiraling me deeper into debt
Dear Hades
Work for me now
I am no longer afraid
I have been stripped bare
I embrace my shadow
And find myself the virgin
Whole and complete
Again and again
I am my lover, my passion and companion
I am my friend, I bring out the best in me
I am my garden, mature and wise in my cycles
I am my cat, independent, loyal and playful
I am my business, loving and supporting my family
Dear Hades
Thank you for these lessons learned
I will apply them diligently
I will work with you now
No longer resisting your power
Or denying mine
I am phoenix from the flame
Again and again
New lover, come to me, passion and companion
New friends, come to me, let me share wide open and together
New seeds, come to me, fill my garden with abundance
New animal guide, come to me, feel the love of my two hands
New career, come to me, as I support my self and thrive
Dear Hades
Thank you for abducting me
Stripping me of my crown, my jewels
I stand naked
Knowing who I am
Again and again
I am dragon, I am rebel, I am grace of the swan
I am the wise crone and healing Chiron combined
I am my own garden of earthy delights
I am Aphrodite, Artemis and Amaterasu
I am Bast and Uzume, and I thank you
Thank you Hades
For Changing me
Into me...
January 25, 2008
January 22, 2008
Love is Bigger than Hate
Here's a story from a few years ago:
I was in the process of selling my store, Herland: The WanderGround. And like all lesbians, of course it all about processing... I had made the decision to sell last January, and started to put the word out, in local papers and in radio interviews. As the news spread, several people contacted me to express their interest, and in July I had some potential buyers coming up for the weekend to begin negotiations.
In my Wednesday morning Leads group, our real estate agent gave a presentation on selling your home, and in particular her emphasis was on creating “curbside appeal” by making necessary repairs and improvements to make that oh-so-important good first impression. I had already done a lot of work on the inside of the store, clearing out clutter from the back room, sale pricing slower items, returning old consignment, replacing light bulbs, and donating overstock books to various organizations around the county. I have always had a lot of satisfaction and pride in how clean, organized, and just outright beautiful the store is, filled with interesting books, fabulous crafts and magical goodies. I decided to walk across the street to get some perspective on the appearance of the building itself, and made my little to-do list.
Friday morning I got busy - washing windows, cleaning cobwebs, sweeping the sidewalks, creating a new window display, and repotting the outside plants. I was already premenstrual, and could harness my slightly psycho energy to pour the love into sprucing up the storefront. I left feeling slightly exhausted, but very pleased at the amount of energy I had put into bringing out the best of the business.
Saturday morning, the stars were against me. I miscommunicated with Amber’s other parent on pick up time, I was running late for work, and by now I was getting cramps. Arriving at Herland, I was completely shocked and dismayed to discover the store had been vandalized overnight. Many of the plant containers had been kicked over, and lay smashed all over the sidewalk, soil and succulents strewn everywhere.
Jill was there to pick up Amber, and I was so glad to have a friend give me a hug right away. After having a little boo-hoo in the back room, I decided it’s not what happens to you, it’s what you do about it. I went outside and started to clean up the mess. Within minutes, two separate gentlemen came up to me to say how sorry they were to see the destruction. Later, a third man came into the store, also expressing his condolences, and to assure me that I did not deserve to be the victim of homophobia. As we shook hands, I thanked him for renewing my faith in Santa Cruz. In the afternoon, a woman came in carrying four new large terra cotta plant containers- her sister had driven by in the morning on her way out of town, and was outraged by the devastation. She asked her sister to buy me new containers and to deliver them for her.
Quite simply, this is why I live in here. I moved from feeling like an isolated victim to recognizing that while one asshole had decided to rain on my parade, five other people had gone out of their way to express their dismay at this injustice. It was a moment were I recognize that I am so blessed to be supported not just by the queer community, but the greater community of Santa Cruz. Now I am filled with gratitude to learn from this experience that love truly is bigger than hate.
I was in the process of selling my store, Herland: The WanderGround. And like all lesbians, of course it all about processing... I had made the decision to sell last January, and started to put the word out, in local papers and in radio interviews. As the news spread, several people contacted me to express their interest, and in July I had some potential buyers coming up for the weekend to begin negotiations.
In my Wednesday morning Leads group, our real estate agent gave a presentation on selling your home, and in particular her emphasis was on creating “curbside appeal” by making necessary repairs and improvements to make that oh-so-important good first impression. I had already done a lot of work on the inside of the store, clearing out clutter from the back room, sale pricing slower items, returning old consignment, replacing light bulbs, and donating overstock books to various organizations around the county. I have always had a lot of satisfaction and pride in how clean, organized, and just outright beautiful the store is, filled with interesting books, fabulous crafts and magical goodies. I decided to walk across the street to get some perspective on the appearance of the building itself, and made my little to-do list.
Friday morning I got busy - washing windows, cleaning cobwebs, sweeping the sidewalks, creating a new window display, and repotting the outside plants. I was already premenstrual, and could harness my slightly psycho energy to pour the love into sprucing up the storefront. I left feeling slightly exhausted, but very pleased at the amount of energy I had put into bringing out the best of the business.
Saturday morning, the stars were against me. I miscommunicated with Amber’s other parent on pick up time, I was running late for work, and by now I was getting cramps. Arriving at Herland, I was completely shocked and dismayed to discover the store had been vandalized overnight. Many of the plant containers had been kicked over, and lay smashed all over the sidewalk, soil and succulents strewn everywhere.
Jill was there to pick up Amber, and I was so glad to have a friend give me a hug right away. After having a little boo-hoo in the back room, I decided it’s not what happens to you, it’s what you do about it. I went outside and started to clean up the mess. Within minutes, two separate gentlemen came up to me to say how sorry they were to see the destruction. Later, a third man came into the store, also expressing his condolences, and to assure me that I did not deserve to be the victim of homophobia. As we shook hands, I thanked him for renewing my faith in Santa Cruz. In the afternoon, a woman came in carrying four new large terra cotta plant containers- her sister had driven by in the morning on her way out of town, and was outraged by the devastation. She asked her sister to buy me new containers and to deliver them for her.
Quite simply, this is why I live in here. I moved from feeling like an isolated victim to recognizing that while one asshole had decided to rain on my parade, five other people had gone out of their way to express their dismay at this injustice. It was a moment were I recognize that I am so blessed to be supported not just by the queer community, but the greater community of Santa Cruz. Now I am filled with gratitude to learn from this experience that love truly is bigger than hate.
January 19, 2008
Thoughts on Desire
The desire of the man is for the woman,
but the desire of the woman
is for the desire of the man.
- Madame de Stael
The path
but the desire of the woman
is for the desire of the man.
- Madame de Stael
to your
heart’s desire
is never
overgrown.
—Kigezi proverb, southwest Uganda
heart’s desire
is never
overgrown.
—Kigezi proverb, southwest Uganda
Nothing is sexier than being desired,
and the complete feeling of helplessness I get
when I am overwhelmed by my longing for someone...
and the complete feeling of helplessness I get
when I am overwhelmed by my longing for someone...
-Anon
Desire
Main Entry: 1de·sire
Pronunciation: di-'zI(-&)r, dE-
Function: verb
Inflected Form(s): de·sired; de·sir·ing
Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French desirer, from Latin desiderare, from de- + sider-, sidus heavenly body
transitive verb
1 : to long or hope for : exhibit or feel desire for (desire success)
2 a : to express a wish for : REQUEST (they desire an immediate answer) b archaic : to express a wish to : ASK
3 obsolete : INVITE
4 archaic : to feel the loss of
intransitive verb : to have or feel desire
synonyms DESIRE, WISH, WANT, CRAVE, COVET mean to have a longing for. DESIRE stresses the strength of feeling and often implies strong intention or aim (desires to start a new life). WISH sometimes implies a general or transient longing especially for the unattainable (wishes for permanent world peace). WANT specifically suggests a felt need or lack (wants to have a family). CRAVE stresses the force of physical appetite or emotional need (craves sweets). COVET implies strong envious desire (covets his rise to fame).
Dancing
is a vertical
expression
of a horizontal
desire
-Anon
Pronunciation: di-'zI(-&)r, dE-
Function: verb
Inflected Form(s): de·sired; de·sir·ing
Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French desirer, from Latin desiderare, from de- + sider-, sidus heavenly body
transitive verb
1 : to long or hope for : exhibit or feel desire for (desire success)
2 a : to express a wish for : REQUEST (they desire an immediate answer) b archaic : to express a wish to : ASK
3 obsolete : INVITE
4 archaic : to feel the loss of
intransitive verb : to have or feel desire
synonyms DESIRE, WISH, WANT, CRAVE, COVET mean to have a longing for. DESIRE stresses the strength of feeling and often implies strong intention or aim (desires to start a new life). WISH sometimes implies a general or transient longing especially for the unattainable (wishes for permanent world peace). WANT specifically suggests a felt need or lack (wants to have a family). CRAVE stresses the force of physical appetite or emotional need (craves sweets). COVET implies strong envious desire (covets his rise to fame).
Dancing
is a vertical
expression
of a horizontal
desire
-Anon
And you who seek to know Me,
know that your seeking and yearning will avail you not,
unless you know the Mystery;
for if that which you seek, you find not within yourself,
you will never find it without.
For behold, I have been with you from the beginning,
and I am that which is attained at the end of desire.
-Charge of the Star Goddess Starhawk
know that your seeking and yearning will avail you not,
unless you know the Mystery;
for if that which you seek, you find not within yourself,
you will never find it without.
For behold, I have been with you from the beginning,
and I am that which is attained at the end of desire.
-Charge of the Star Goddess Starhawk
No longer the slave to intensity
I am now the face
Of satisfied
Desire
-Rumi,
I am now the face
Of satisfied
Desire
-Rumi,
January 13, 2008
Flex Those Muscles
As we walked down to the beach, my daughter said, “Ok, mom, I’m going to want you to remember something.”
I said, “Ok, honey, I’ll try to inscribe it into my little brain.”
“Mom,” she said, a little exasperated, “It’s not your brain that’s little. It’s your bladder.”
Have you done your keogles today?
I said, “Ok, honey, I’ll try to inscribe it into my little brain.”
“Mom,” she said, a little exasperated, “It’s not your brain that’s little. It’s your bladder.”
Have you done your keogles today?
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