Risk to Bloom

What My Heart Tells Me

What My Heart Tells Me

    My heart tells me: Thank you, thank you for taking care of me. Thank you for nourishing and exercising me. it makes my job so much easier. I love being your heart. I love bringing all that rich, oxygenated blood up to your brilliant brain and down to your twinkly toes. I love taking away all the carbon dioxide/ the lactic acid, the emotional toxins out of your system. I love being in the center of your body, the center of your being.

    I feel safe in your chest. I feel safe having your ribs gently encircling me, giving me room to breathe, room to grow.

    There are times when I felt battered and bruised, tired and sad, overburdened or just plain stressed. Thank you for taking the time to tend to my wounds, to listen to my woes, to fill me with morsels of hope.

    There are times when I have overjoyed, full of optimism, excitement and enthusiasm. I love being in love and I love the way I expand in your chest when you expand in trust instead of contracting in fear.

    I am your loyal heart. I am always here for you and you can always count on me. Thank you for taking the time to pray with me, to play with me, and above all, thank you for listening to me.

October 2010

Power of the Mother

Love and Pleasure

Manifest Your Reality

Sun and Moon Tarot

In the name of the Maiden, Mother and Crone

I'm here by myself - And I am never alone...

-kgr

I shuffle the cards over and over, stiff little boards in my hands, the cool gray and white lotus on a black background a stark contrast to the flashes of color as the satisfying sound of the cards rippling through my hands fills my peaceful, sun-filled living room. It is the harvest moon, a time of abundance, time of balance as we move into Libra and notice the fall equinox, the shifting light, the changing tides.

Today I am playing with The Sun and Moon Tarot by Vanessa Decourt, recently published by US Games Systems. After splitting the deck into three piles with my left hand (coming from my heart), I then reorder them into one pile with my right hand (using my head). I pull the first card with both hands, my finger tips arguing with each other as I tip the cards back and forth, back and forth, until finally they are in agreement that this is the one.

I'm employing the Motherpeace Spread and the first card is the significator, the here and now, the present moment. The ace of pentacles appears, an auspicious beginning. A gray shield with a pentacle in the middle surrounded by a geometric, almost floral design is surrounded by curling ivy in a deep mustard yellow background, a downward facing triangle with a line through it graces the top.

My first impressions arise: Aces are the top card, as well as the beginning - here is the alpha and the omega. Ivy is know for it's tenacity, the ability to stick to something for the long term. Pentacles represent the physical plane, and I ponder my health, my house, my business. Part of me feels protected, like the pod of the seed. Part feels ready to unfold, after being planted, nourished by both a rain of tears as much as the shine of smiles.

The deep yellow puts me in touch with the third chakra- the solar plexus, center of will and power, ruled by Leo and the shining sun. I post on Twitter: The Harvest Moon reminds us to harvest our abundance, and plant the seeds of change, seeds of hope, and seeds of love. I ponder the last symbol, the male principle, split in two - a balance between head and heart? Or what I seem to need the most, a balance between the higher mind and the so called lower desires?

I pull the next cards rapidly, some with the left hand, some with the right, sometimes using both, most are reversed, to my surprise. I enjoy the images tremendously - simple, faceless beings engage in archetypal moments, the colors are fairly soft and muted, the lessons feel gentle and kind. There is a modern element to this deck (stripes come to mind, from stripy shirts to stripy socks), as well as an element of timelessness, found in dancing figure of Shakti in the universe card or the ace of swords being crowned in gold.

The second card is ten of cups, satiety, upside down - how is  NOT feeling satisfied my source of strength now? Next I get three of wands, virtue, as my challenge - how am I being loyal, to myself and others. At the root of my being is three of pentacles, what Decourt names as works, and on my sky/mind is the devil, again reversed - hallelujah! certainly over the last few years I have worked on looking my demons in the eye and creating alliances instead of enemies. Ace of swords graces my immediate past while prince of pentacles dominates my future. The bull looks stuck, stubborn in this card, but I instantly go back to the ivy in my significator, the lesson of tenacity. No coincidence that my present lover has Taurus on the 7th house. 

My mirror card is king of wands, as I master my own energies, become the master of my desires; while in my house the four of pentacles appear, that desire for stability on the physical planes, creating sand castles on the beach, and The Universe expresses my hopes and fears.

My last card has a man and a woman embracing on a white lotus under the full moon, their quiet reflection shimmering in the water as they whisper heartfelt secrets to each other. My outcome for the coming year: Two of cups- love, sweet love.

 

Blessed be.

No longer the slave to intensity

I am now the face of satisfied desire.

-Rumi

Join Hands

It Was a Gift

Behind Every Getrude is Alice

A Quest for Vision

I decided I needed to reward my self after finishing a final exam. I knew that sushi would be somewhere in the picture, but as it was still fairly early in the afternoon, I decided to go for hike up to Land of Medicine Buddha. My daughter had gone to Tara Redwoods for grade school, which is located on the grounds of this Buddhist retreat, and since it's quite close to my office, I go there quite often to meditate on my lunch breaks.

I have been just loving the course in Vision Therapy, and much like the Aromatherapy class, knew that this was something I wanted to use for myself right away. I first began wearing glasses in 6th grade, and like most people, have seen an increase in my prescription over the years. Currently I wear lenses with a power of -3.00 in the right eye and -3.25 in the left. I switched to contacts in 10th grade, and wore them consistently for the next 20 years. Indeed, my motto for a long time was, “Home is were the contact lens case is."

   I switched back to wearing glasses full time about five years ago. About 3 or 4 months ago I went to my optician for a new set, feeling that I was having a hard time reading, and figuring that since I am in my 40’s it was probably due to macular degeneration i.e. old age. The doctor said my prescription had changed so minimally, it was not worth getting a new prescription, but instead he encouraged me to simply stop wearing my glasses when reading, as I am near sighted.

As soon as I started the unit, I began taking my glasses off in earnest. There are no coincidences, and the timing was perfect for me to practice vision therapy for myself. I found The Power Behind Your Eyes: Improving Eyesight with Integrative Vision Therapy by Robert-Michael Kaplan extremely interesting and useful, but a little disorganized. I enjoyed many of the written activities, and wrote out the exercises in my journal. I illustrated these with a colorful drawings, for example one that showed my third eye opening. Next, I created a spreadsheet with 12 categories with space for notes for 14 days. My intention was not to do necessarily do every one every day, but to experiment with the different exercises and create a system to observe the results.


 I beaded an eye glass chain to make it easier for me to switch back and forth from my prescribed vision to naked vision. I started with fifteen minute increments, usually while studying, and gradually increased to a few hours (cumulative) a day. I began to challenge myself more by walking the half hour to my dance classes with no glasses on, observing my internal state as I negotiated streets and cross walks. I noticed feeling internally softer as I experienced the blur, as well as a softening of my facial muscles. I felt like I was not wearing my social mask, but instead felt really relaxed and unconcerned about other people and their perceptions of me. I also found myself less worried about the mundane details of life (paying bills, returning calls, picking up kids, etc.) and more enjoying the moment, discovering how much more I really could see than I had expected. I felt safe and grounded, never in any danger. Not that I’m ready to drive with no glasses, but this was certainly the proverbial eye opener as to the extent in which my glasses have become a crutch. As I navigated the paths in my softer vision, I found it easier to visualize the steps I need to take to decrease my stress levels in other aspects of my life. This seemed to flow with the assertion that nearsightedness is a message of being afraid to see what’s out there, of pulling with, and to begin reaching out with a clearer purpose and to take risks, as well as to use relaxation techniques that allow “being” more than “ doing”

    I found myself using naked vision more and more, during lectures, meetings, and times when I didn’t have a need to be completely focused (i.e. in control) such as hanging out in a cafe or having dinner. Breaking my morning habit of reaching for my glasses has been difficult, but I now trust that no gnomes have moved the coffee in the middle of the night, and I find it easier and easier to delegate my lenses to the realm of something that I need in order to drive, much like my keys, than something I need to cling to all day long.


Just driving through the redwoods felt relaxing, so I parked my car about a half mile away, deciding to walk up to the retreat, do a walking meditation around the  prayer wheel, and come back by happy hour. I took my glasses off as I moved along the road, finding my rhythm and feeling my stride. As I crossed a little bridge I noticed how much noise my shoes were making, and I decided to slip them off. I popped them by a tree trunk, putting my car keys and glasses inside, so I wouldn't have to carry anything either. I felt light and easy in the moment.


 I have been deeply stressed all month, combined with allergies, and have seen a return of gerd and asthma as a result. "What steps do I need to take for my health?" kept going through my head as I reached the Prayer Wheel. I gripped the handle and began walking, closing my eyes and letting the wheel guide me. I thought about how many feet had stepped on this circle before, how many prayers for peace and to release suffering had been chanted. I noticed the shadows and golden sunlight dancing on my eyelids, as I went slower and slower...

After some time had passed, I felt a deep peace and decided to return to my car. I jauntily set off down the path feeling better than I had in a long time. After a while the path started to veer sharply up, and I came across a gate with a "no trespassing sign." It should say "no stress passing" I thought, realizing right then that I must of taken a wrong turn somewhere. "Okay, " I thought, "here's this adventure," contemplating the day's tarot card. Well, four hours later...

Some who wander actually are lost. I had to laugh at myself, for pretty much I was experiencing my worst nightmare - no idea where I was, barefoot, no glasses, the sun starting to set, starting to get thirsty. And I was fine. Of course, I started to imagine more and more dire situations - by the time I did find the bridge, what if a squirrel had stolen my car keys? I took a deep breath and reminded myself to be calm. I paid attention to the moss under my sore feet, the feel of stepping on soft dead leaves, the quite rustles and inconsistent bird calls. I decided I was on a trust walk and I could trust that I could find my way back home. I turned a corner, and there below me in the blurry distance I could see the bridge. Never have I felt so thankful to slip on my shoes, jingle my keys, tuck my glasses safely into my blouse... And damn, if that wasn't the best sushi I've ever had in my life!

We All Come From the Goddess

Mooses, Wild Boars, and Camels, Oh My!

Did you know that 80 people a day haven an encounter with a moose in Sweden? Neither did I. There are fences to keep the moose off the highways all along the roads, with many warning signs. indeed, at one Moose Preserve we stopped at, they had graphically illustrated what could happen if you hit a moose with a life sized diorama:

Don't worry, there were live moose at the preseve as well:

As well as goats:

and wild boars:

and later on Öland we saw a herd of camel:

but I did think the moose was flirting with my Mom:

Don't you?

Photos by Siv, 2010

Kingdom of Crystal, Part 1

Thursday and Friday we spent in The Kingdom of Crystal, a region of Sweden famous for the glassworks - blown, etched, molded and recycled! Once over 300 glassblowers had factories here; now there are 16. This was easily the highlight of my trip.

First we stopped for coffee in Växjö, wandering the cobblestone streets and noting the architecture, very traditional, baskets of flowers just bursting with color everywhere, hanging from porches, filling containers, spilling the smell of roses into the streets. The Swedish people take their ice cream very seriously, and everywhere were little stalls selling Glace.

Next we visited Lessebo, where we watched them make hand-made paper from rags and linen, using a huge zinc press to dry the individual sheets. Established in 1693, today an exclusive product mainly used for finer documents, we got to see how they made watermarks and what happened to an unfortunate spider that fell into a vat of soaking paper mush.

 This is a tower of glass, filled with bowls, vases, sculptures, and these incredible glass heads, in a range of colors that kept shifting as you walked around the perimeter. It was such a massive piece of art, really impressive, and somehow you just wanted to reach in and see if you could shift one of the pieces, like a giant game of jenga.

We went on the visit Kosta Boda, Orrefors, Mäleräs, Pukeburg, which has an outstanding school of design, and ended in Kalmar. We stopped for lunch for a little bakery outside of Mats Jonasson glassworks for shrimp sandwhiches and the ubiquitous coffee seemingly served everwhere. 

Photos by Siv, 2010

More Adventures in Sweden

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Wednesday morning we woke up around 7am, had breakfast, and were picked up in a Volvo limo to go out to the factory. There we ran into our new friends, Jan and Merv, along with 22 other new car owners, all a part of their Overseas Deliver Program.

After signing papers and test driving my Mom's new Volvo C30 - a tiny car, in a beautiful blue-grey, with no trunk space to speak of - we got lunch and a tour of the factory. It was fascinating - huge robots were picking up the components, sparks from the welding a flying, with a preciceness and speed that almost spooky. We literally saw from start to finish, beginning with the rolls of steel and the steel presses, and it was clear from the tour guides voice just how much pride she had in her company.

In the afternoon we drove down to Kungsbacka, after getting lost driving back into Göteborg. This became our theme over the next few days: something between the 9 hour difference, jetlag, the sun not seeming to be in the right place in the sky, and the distinct lack of signage along the roads led us in many a circle. Indeed, out motto became "We came, We saw, We turned around."

 We went to the market and picked up some dinner supplies, before settling into our hotel room. Around 2 am a huge fight broke outside the hotel, with a dozen or so youths fully in a fist fight, breaking bottles and plant containers in the process. Three police cars finally showed up, arresting the lot. So much for a quiet night....

Map by Google; Photos by Siv 2010

Dreams are Whispers

Adventures in Sweden: Land of the Midnight Sun

I've just returned from spending 11 days touring the southern parts of Sweden, the Spruce-Moose biome. My Mom bought a Volvo through their Overseas Deliver Program, where they pay your airfare if you pick up the car and ship it yourself. Included in the deal was a free night at the Risson Blu hotel in Göteborg, lunch and a tour of the factory. Whatta bargain!

We left from Monterey on a Monday morning, our first plane delayed by fog. We got to hang out at the SAS lounge in San Francisco, where we met Merv and Jan, also new Volvo owners on their way to pick up their new car. Merv, recently retired, had been a pharmacist for 50 years. When I told him I was a Certified Hypnotherapist and working on my PhD in Holistic Healing, he said, "Oh, that's good, because you know, medications are what make people sick!"

We flew in to Chicago, then to Copenhagen, finally ending in Göteborg close to 24 hours later. I was exhausted. As my brother says, flying is like a 24 hour prison sentence. After checking in to our hotel, we went to the train station to exchange money. I was surprised that the Swedes are still using kronor, as I'd assumed they'd switched to Euros. 

The Swedes are very ecological minded, evidenced by needing to insert the hotel key in a slot to turn anything electronic on, ensuring that the lights would be turned out upon exiting. The toilets had a half flush and full flush; and every hotel had instructions on how to reuse your towel in order to save on laundry. There was a disappointing amount of litter in the streets, and not all the towns had public trash cans. we made a point of picking up 7 pieces of trash everyday. Another interesting I thought was that in one market the shopping carts were chained together, and you had to insert 5 kronor to detach one, which was returned once you put the cart back.

We found a random restaurant where I had a ceasar salad, a little overpowered by anchovies, and a nice dry white wine from Italy. We went back to our room prepared to get some rest, but so began my week of not sleeping. It was really hot (apparently the hottest summer in some ten years) and while we'd pulled the curtains, it was so light I kept waking up. Pretty much the sun would set around 11pm and sunrise was at 4:30am, but it didn't really get dark, there was always a greenish cast to the sky. The more North we traveled, the shorter the nights became.

It was an interesting start to our adventures through Sweden...

All photos by Siv; Flag sketch by Kayla: Midnight Sun Image from Google

Fabulous

The Nature of Your Song

Brotherhood of Light Egyptian Tarot

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.  -Oscar Wilde 

US Games Systems has just released a color deck of The Brotherhood of Light Egyptian Tarot Cards. These cards are simply rich - from the mythology, symbols, astrology, Hebrew characters, numerology and the teachings of the Kabbalah - each one is a feast to feed one's mind and soul. A companion deck to The Sacred Tarot by C.C. Zain, the original 1936 black and white images were first designed by Gloria Beresford, then redesigned in 2009 by Vicki Brewer as full-color Egyptian tarot cards. 

I recently received the deck with it's little instruction booklet, and just the key on the front makes me giddy. The circle of the key is divided into the four suits with the numbers 1 through 9 corresponding to planetary positions within constellations. For example, 3 of Swords (or Trey of swords, I love the old-fashioned aspects of this deck) shows Mercury, Capricorn and Virgo. The post of the key contain the major arcana, while the teeth contain the court cards. Interesting, as in all my Santa Cruz tarot classes, students tend to get stuck when studying the court cards, which in some way once understood, allow for the tumble and click in unlocking the wisdom of the tarot.

Rather than going through the suits, the section on the minor arcana goes through the numbers, associating each with a particular planet, giving the divinatory significance of each card as well as its' inner interpretation. Following the Hermetic tradition, the cards an integral part of an internally consistent exposition of occult sciences. Astrology, alchemy and magic are continuously expressed through color, symbol and glyph. Each card is actually a cartouche, containing a message for the seeker. While I am well versed in Greek and Roman mythology, these cards had me seeking way back in my mind, as I remember adoring Egyptian culture as a kid. I'm lucky to have had the opportunity to travel in Tunisia and Northern Africa, but Egypt is still on my list of places to visit this lifetime.

"What the tarot can be made to reveal is limited only by the capacity for understanding of the person using it " (from the booklet). I have been really enjoying playing with this new deck as it synthesized my own interests in both tarot and astrology. Having the planets and signs expressed on each card gives me instant access to more information that I can share with my client. 

It's been 23 years now that I have been courting the cards. Receiving The Brotherhood of Light Egyptian Tarot Cards cards reminds me that the Tarot itself is a lifetime romance...

Co-Creator

Walk in Beauty

Du Whacky Du - The Morgan's Tarot Review

The Morgan's Tarot was created by Morgan Robbins, illustrated by Darshan Chorpash and was first published in 1970 by US Games Systems. Three reprints later, this fascinating deck is eclectic and entertaining, whimsical and always deeply thought provoking.

Morgan's Tarot is a black and white deck with simple line drawings, clearly inspired by the '60s, with the images ranging from turtledoves nesting on a branch to comets shooting through outer space, from three eyed aliens to completely unknown objects. There are 88 cards instead of the traditional 78, and indeed seemed at first to be completely random and quite removed from the numerology, suits and archetypal symbolism of the Tarot. Even the order in the booklet was completely random.

The accompanying booklet was a wealth of gems. The card descriptions were only a few sentences each, but added meaning, humor and charm to each of the cards. Another tarot reader that I know said she numbered the cards and the descriptions, in order to make it easier to look them up. This inspired me to not just number the cards, but to color them as well.

Three months ago I received a review copy in the mail, coinciding with the beginning of my 10 week class, Journey through the Tarot.  I made it my goal to finish the deck by the end of the class  - quite a daunting task, since it took me almost 4 years to color the Daughters of the Moon deck. However, I used watercolor for the DOM deck, and for the Morgan's tarot I ended up using quite a variety of media that led to more spontaneity with each individual card.

The cards are printed on quality card stock with a glossy coating. I ended up using a pack of chisel point permanent markers to color the images, which was really fun as the thick tips had me coloring outside the lines quite frequently. I tend to be very fastidious in my artwork, and this was so liberating to be quick and downright sloppy at times. I was limited in my palette of eight colors, which let me have more fluorescent pink skies than I'd usually allow myself.

The tarot is a system, and the way for me to learn a new deck is to apply the system. I lay out all 78 cards of the Rider-Waite deck on my living room floor in order, then lay down each of the Morgan's Tarot on top. I painted the outside edges with acrylic paints, corresponding to each of the suits (Earth, Water, Fire, Air & Aether), using Green, Blue, Red, Yellow and Purple. Having 10 extra cards meant 2 extra for each of the suits, so each one got a Zero card and the royals were numbered 11 through 15.

Now the fun began. For each card I had cut out the meaning from the booklet and glued it around the edges, eliminating the need to "go look it up". I added a variety of fine glitters, bejeweled embellishments, and tiny stickers in order to really personalize each one. The colors began to pop and indeed, the deck is considerably thicker than originally and can no longer fit in the box. To end, I colored all the backs with a purple acrylic with a breath of silver glitter. I did three layers of an acrylic clear coat on each side, waiting 24 hours to dry between coats.

To me, this is what Tarot is all about. I truly PLAYED with the Morgan's Tarot, infusing my own color, meaning and energy into each card. The more I played, the more I appreciated the simple interpretations of life's complexities, the gentle reminders to laugh at life for all of it's conundrums. While seemingly so disparate from the traditional tarot, the Morgan's Tarot is a classic in it's own right.

Blessed Be.

Interview on KZSC

 Awright, let's see if we can get this to work, considering Mercury is retrograde. My good friend Chip kindly recorded my radio interview on Monday night with Kai and Richard on Closet Free Radio, KZSC 88.1 here in Santa Cruz.

InterzSHARE - kgr_kzsc_20100419_80jtstereo.mp3

All Healing

No Doubt