The Future

Romantic Notions Series
"The Future"
Hand watercolored design
copyright kgr 2003

My Life Sucks

"Hi Bella, how are you?" My mom's Swedish accent sounding in my ear as I cradled the phone.

"Well, Mom, the good news is: I've fallen in love. The bad news is..."

I love my mom. Both herand my dad have been the epitome of tolerance and acceptance throughout my eclectic love life, which has ranged from my boyfriend living with us when I was a teenager to my fierce lesbian separatist days in my twenties to being with a female to male transsexual in my thirties.

"Mom, I've fallen in love with the Miele."

Yes, it was true. My mom had left her Miele vacuum cleaner at my house for 6 months while she packed up her house on the East Coast before moving to California. It was worth more than my current car. Candy red, hummed like a well tuned Lamborghini, and boy, can that machine clean!

I think I'm going to start a new movement: Appliance Love. We all know how attached some folks are to their cell phones and lap tops, let alone the Hitachi, but it is time to start coming out from the utility closet and declare our truths. Some of us have longer, more meaningful relationships with our household friends than with humans.

I see parades going down Pacific Avenue, led by the Precision-Drill Dust-Buster Squad, followed by the Microwave Marching Band, and of course, the Automatic Coffee Pot float will be one of the main attractions. I'll be Grand Marshall, my Miele beside me as we cruise in a well decorated convertible, throwing replacement filters into the cheering crowd. Everyone will chant, "2, 4, 6, 8... Take your fax machine on a date!"

Next we'll petition governments for the right to marry. I mean, there's domestic partners & then there is DOMESTIC partners, right? "To have and to hold, from this day forward, until death or the end of the warranty do us part..."

I made the gross mistake of attempting non monogamy with my Miele. Yes, I admit it - I let my housemate touch her hose, fondle her attachments, and (gasp!) change her bag. Now, I love and trust my housemate to the core, but my whole world shifted when I heard those words, "It just doesn't seem to be picking up like it used to..."

So yesterday I sat out on the back deck and took the Miele apart. Five years of accumulated cat fur, dust, threads and hair had worked its way in every conceivable crack, corner and crevice. I used screwdrivers, scissors, exacto knives and two different kinds of tweezers to lure the secrets out of my Miele. Who knows, maybe I'll try my own brain surgery next.


At a certain point my daughter came out onto the deck. She surveyed the vacuum cleaner parts spread methodically over the deck, my deep plum velvet skirt covered in grey lint, the look of glee in my eyes as I snapped open this and screwed shut that. She listened to me prattle on about how much money I had just saved by spending hours of my time doing this.

"Mom," she said in her funny drawl, "You are all the husband you will ever need."

Afterwards, I took the Miele upstairs to clean out the furnace for a test run. That's when I thought, my life sucks. But in a good way.

Appliance Love:
Have you Loved your Appliance Today?

My Kooky House

The running joke in our household is,
"People with no TV - what should we paint tonight, dear?"

I love my kooky house. A few projects: My mom I ripped up the carpet in the front room and discovered hardwood floors. Three days of us sanding and staining, and it looks gorgeous. There are 1300 origami cranes hanging from the ceiling in the back room. My first attempt at stenciling was in the study, a border of roses that took a kajillion years to complete.

Almost every room is sponged in three or four colors. We tiled the kitchen floor ourselves, and the I did the stain glass as well. What can I say about the coral reef bathroom - Yes, we even painted the toilet! I beaded close to a hundred crystals, that dance in every window. I discovered glass paints, and have transformed all the light fixtures, as well as the kitchen cabinets. The cloth lampshades have been tie-dyed and beaded.

The backyard was completely empty when I moved in, back in 1994. Now it's filled with locust trees, geraniums, hibiscus, roses, jasmine, trumpet vine, passion vine, Mexican sage, lavender, and hummingbirds galore. There are sunflowers painted on house, along with dragonflies and butterflies. And there are roses in January!

I even painted Tafy, my beloved 1985 Honda, which I recently sold after 19 years.

All is Well

I am here

from your future

to tell you:

You survived this.

All is well.

I love you.

You made the right decisions.

Where to Begin

From the Altar Egos Series:
"Positive Affirmations to Heal a Nation"
Copyright kgr 2004

Validation

Everyday I know
I am okay
because I get
Instant Approval
from the
Visa/Mastercard machine

Equinox 2004

Thoughts on Moderation

Throw moderation to the winds,
and the greatest pleasures bring the greatest pains.
- Democritus

In one of my money meditations that I teach, there is the part:

I am wise with my money. I dedicate part to pay off my debts easily and effortlessly; part for my savings, which I then invest and watch grow; and the remainder I live on in comfort and moderation. I am now in a position to bless money as it goes out to pay my bills and pleasures, knowing it will return threefold.

Folks really resist that word, moderation. It's interesting to see them balk - no, I want EVEN MORE MORE MORE so I can live in lavish, luxurious excess!

It is exactly this greedy attitude that keeps folks in a constant struggle to feel rich, no matter what their current income or standard of living. We live in an age of American Obesity, of the 59 cent Happy Meal, where we are encouraged to "Super Size it" - is it any wonder people shudder at the thought of moderation? But what of it's opposite - excess?

Do you over eat, over drink, over work, over spend, over sleep, over do it or over extend yourself? Are you over sexed or are over sex? Are you over weight, over anxious, over limit, or over time? Are you just over it?

It is through moderation that we can nourish our financial dreams and plan for a comfortable future, rather than living in a need for constant, over indulgence as personified by microwave brownies (remember that commercial for instant, total, gratification, yeah! Ick.) Notice that in the meditation there is the affirmation of living in comfort, of paying for one's bills & pleasures. Moderation is not about denial. Living under one's means is just as stultifying as living over them.

Do you feel under stress, under strain, under duress, under paid, under fed, under nourished, under appreciated, under rug swept or just like the under dog? Under the weather or just under the wire? Under someone's thumb?

A visit to the Wikipedia brings these insights: Moderation is the process of eliminating or lessening extremes. It is used to ensure normality throughout the medium on which it is being conducted. Moderation is also a principle of life. In ancient Greece, the temple of Apollo at Delphi bore the inscription Meden Agan - Nothing in Excess. Then again, Horace Porter reminds us Be moderate in everything, including moderation.

Ask your self this - do you control your money, or does your money control you? Moderation is a simple technique anyone can master, be it a moderate diet or moderate budget. Balance is key, rather than swinging pendulum like to the extremes. Practice balance in your steps, balance in your breath, balance your diet, balance your checkbook, balance in your mind, balance work & play, and remember:

Everything in moderation - but don't miss a thing. -Anon

Sketch: Bank Of K
kgr 2008