Prayer to Pluto

Dear Hades
Work for me now
I have spent nine long months
Descending into your realms
All has been transformed
I have danced with death
Again and again

My lovership died, my passion and companion
My friendships died, leaving me wide open and alone
My garden died, leaving me barren in places
My cat died, by my own two hands
My business died, and I still need to support myself...

Dear Hades
Work for me now
As you turn stationary direct
Let me ascend as Innana, Persephone
Let me be reborn
As I acknowledge your lessons
Again and again

My lover ignored me, and I was drowning in misery
My friends used me to perpetuate their addictions
My garden was riddled with termites and disease
My cat was sick and suffering from old age
My business was spiraling me deeper into debt

Dear Hades
Work for me now
I am no longer afraid
I have been stripped bare
I embrace my shadow
And find myself the virgin
Whole and complete
Again and again

I am my lover, my passion and companion
I am my friend, I bring out the best in me
I am my garden, mature and wise in my cycles
I am my cat, independent, loyal and playful
I am my business, loving and supporting my family

Dear Hades
Thank you for these lessons learned
I will apply them diligently
I will work with you now
No longer resisting your power
Or denying mine
I am phoenix from the flame
Again and again

New lover, come to me, passion and companion
New friends, come to me, let me share wide open and together
New seeds, come to me, fill my garden with abundance
New animal guide, come to me, feel the love of my two hands
New career, come to me, as I support my self and thrive

Dear Hades
Thank you for abducting me
Stripping me of my crown, my jewels
I stand naked
Knowing who I am
Again and again

I am dragon, I am rebel, I am grace of the swan
I am the wise crone and healing Chiron combined
I am my own garden of earthy delights
I am Aphrodite, Artemis and Amaterasu
I am Bast and Uzume, and I thank you

Thank you Hades
For Changing me
Into me...

Why I live here

Roses in January!

(pic from my garden a few days ago)

Love is Bigger than Hate

Here's a story from a few years ago:

I was in the process of selling my store, Herland: The WanderGround. And like all lesbians, of course it all about processing... I had made the decision to sell last January, and started to put the word out, in local papers and in radio interviews. As the news spread, several people contacted me to express their interest, and in July I had some potential buyers coming up for the weekend to begin negotiations.

In my Wednesday morning Leads group, our real estate agent gave a presentation on selling your home, and in particular her emphasis was on creating “curbside appeal” by making necessary repairs and improvements to make that oh-so-important good first impression. I had already done a lot of work on the inside of the store, clearing out clutter from the back room, sale pricing slower items, returning old consignment, replacing light bulbs, and donating overstock books to various organizations around the county. I have always had a lot of satisfaction and pride in how clean, organized, and just outright beautiful the store is, filled with interesting books, fabulous crafts and magical goodies. I decided to walk across the street to get some perspective on the appearance of the building itself, and made my little to-do list.

Friday morning I got busy - washing windows, cleaning cobwebs, sweeping the sidewalks, creating a new window display, and repotting the outside plants. I was already premenstrual, and could harness my slightly psycho energy to pour the love into sprucing up the storefront. I left feeling slightly exhausted, but very pleased at the amount of energy I had put into bringing out the best of the business.

Saturday morning, the stars were against me. I miscommunicated with Amber’s other parent on pick up time, I was running late for work, and by now I was getting cramps. Arriving at Herland, I was completely shocked and dismayed to discover the store had been vandalized overnight. Many of the plant containers had been kicked over, and lay smashed all over the sidewalk, soil and succulents strewn everywhere.

Jill was there to pick up Amber, and I was so glad to have a friend give me a hug right away. After having a little boo-hoo in the back room, I decided it’s not what happens to you, it’s what you do about it. I went outside and started to clean up the mess. Within minutes, two separate gentlemen came up to me to say how sorry they were to see the destruction. Later, a third man came into the store, also expressing his condolences, and to assure me that I did not deserve to be the victim of homophobia. As we shook hands, I thanked him for renewing my faith in Santa Cruz. In the afternoon, a woman came in carrying four new large terra cotta plant containers- her sister had driven by in the morning on her way out of town, and was outraged by the devastation. She asked her sister to buy me new containers and to deliver them for her.

Quite simply, this is why I live in here. I moved from feeling like an isolated victim to recognizing that while one asshole had decided to rain on my parade, five other people had gone out of their way to express their dismay at this injustice. It was a moment were I recognize that I am so blessed to be supported not just by the queer community, but the greater community of Santa Cruz. Now I am filled with gratitude to learn from this experience that love truly is bigger than hate.

Thoughts on Desire

The desire of the man is for the woman,
but the desire of the woman
is for the desire of the man.
- Madame de Stael

The path

to your
heart’s desire
is never
overgrown.
—Kigezi proverb, southwest Uganda

Nothing is sexier than being desired,
and the complete feeling of helplessness I get
when I am overwhelmed by my longing for someone...

-Anon

Desire

Main Entry: 1de·sire
Pronunciation: di-'zI(-&)r, dE-
Function: verb
Inflected Form(s): de·sired; de·sir·ing
Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French desirer, from Latin desiderare, from de- + sider-, sidus heavenly body
transitive verb
1 : to long or hope for : exhibit or feel desire for (desire success)
2 a : to express a wish for : REQUEST (they desire an immediate answer) b archaic : to express a wish to : ASK
3 obsolete : INVITE
4 archaic : to feel the loss of
intransitive verb : to have or feel desire
synonyms DESIRE, WISH, WANT, CRAVE, COVET mean to have a longing for. DESIRE stresses the strength of feeling and often implies strong intention or aim (desires to start a new life). WISH sometimes implies a general or transient longing especially for the unattainable (wishes for permanent world peace). WANT specifically suggests a felt need or lack (wants to have a family). CRAVE stresses the force of physical appetite or emotional need (craves sweets). COVET implies strong envious desire (covets his rise to fame).

Dancing
is a vertical
expression
of a horizontal
desire
-Anon

And you who seek to know Me,
know that your seeking and yearning will avail you not,
unless you know the Mystery;
for if that which you seek, you find not within yourself,
you will never find it without.

For behold, I have been with you from the beginning,
and I am that which is attained at the end of desire.
-Charge of the Star Goddess Starhawk

No longer the slave to intensity
I am now the face
Of satisfied
Desire
-Rumi,

Flex Those Muscles

As we walked down to the beach, my daughter said, “Ok, mom, I’m going to want you to remember something.”

I said, “Ok, honey, I’ll try to inscribe it into my little brain.”

“Mom,” she said, a little exasperated, “It’s not your brain that’s little. It’s your bladder.”

Have you done your keogles today?

"But Didn't That Hurt?"

By Western standards, there is nothing ladylike about being tattooed. Standards of acceptable beauty for women still dictate unblemished skin. The female body can be adorned with ear piercings, make up and silicon implants, but any form of decoration that radically challenges main stream beauty standards is sure to raise eyebrows.

 Tattooing is an undeniably strong statement and, for many, a disconcerting display of trauma and ferocity. While some feminists may feel more comfortable with healing circles, new moon rituals and writing exercises designed to draw out the “inner child,” a newer generation of women may relate to the healing process in an altogether different way…it typically marks an important stage in a woman’s life— a process of discovering, exploring and learning on the very surface of the body.

Many women seek out tattoos for altogether joyful reasons—to celebrate ethnic, spiritual or cultural heritages; to mark exciting life transitions or to display lifelong beautification. to dismiss tattoos as a form of self-oppression is to miss out on a fascinating complexity behind each woman’s decision to adorn her body with one or more permanent designs. Much of the time, tattoos on a woman truly says something about her character, her life and her spirit —Silija J. A Talvi in Body Outlaws

On the Book of my Body

I am no longer afraid of mirrors where I see the sign of the amazon, the one who shoots arrows. There is a fine red line across my chest where a knife entered, but now a branch winds about the scar and travels from arm to heart. Green leaves cover the branch, grapes hang there and a bird appears. What grows in me now is vital and does not cause me harm. I think the bird is singing. I have relinquished some of the scars. I have designed my chest with the care given to an illuminated manuscript. I am no longer ashamed to make love. Love is a battle I can win. I have the body of a warrior who does not kill or wound. On the book of my body, I have permanently inscribed a tree. -Deena Metzger