My Body Knows

My body knows things my brain has no idea about.

My body knows how to dance salsa. My body knows how to Zumba. My body knows how to keep another student in the mirror so it can follow the steps. My body knows how to keep the beat. My body knows how to 3 step and chacha, merengue and cumbia, but it still struggles with samba.

My body knows how to heal. How to create antibodies and hormones, new muscle fibers and red platelets. My body knows how to send energy to where I need it most. My body knows how to send me messages so I can take care of myself - When to sleep, when to eat, when not to push send on that email. My body never lies. My body knows how to live in truth and integrity, how to respond and when to react. My body knows how it feels, and my body knows to trust my gut.

My feet tell me when it is going to rain. My knees let me know when I should take omega 3s. Like Shakira, my hips don't lie, and I've learned when to keep my big girl panties on. My stomach is a barometer, my liver a geiger counter. My heart is easily fooled, but only because it is so trusting, so willing to be loved, but still it knows better than my brain my deepest desires. The pain in my shoulder blades tells me when I've overextended myself more immediately than any bank notice. The bounce in my stride lets me know I'm on top of the world again. My lips have known the truth and my eyes have looked into the depths of eternity. My ears have heard my lover's sighs and my baby's cries. My body has tasted ambrosia in the simplest home-made meal, felt the deepest peace in sharing a bench at sunset.

My body knows much more than I give it credit for. Blessed be this body.

Decomposed

He married me, and I began to decompose. Here was all the bullshit, all the manure, piled up inside of me. Bit by bit, I began to rot—my stomach had ulcers and acid reflux ran wild. Longing to stay intoxicated in this toxic relationship, I began to drink more and more, pickling my brain into more mush. I cared less and less, the flotsam and jetsam of my life like oily seaweed on a Jersey shore.

Finally, only fit to feed the worms and grubs, I lay down on the earth and sobbed out my heart's lament, my deep discontent, my deepest regret. As my body returned to soil, at last I felt grounded again. A seed of hope began to grow in my chest—seed of release, seed of peace—the seed thought quite simply known as divorce.

You Would Scarcely Believe It

You would scarcely believe it to look at me now, but once I was the shyest person on earth. Smaller than anyone else in the classroom, quieter than the proverbial mouse, once I existed as a shadow at best. Once I only disappeared, was never heard, and certainly never laughed out loud.

Now I am bold and brassy, and certainly a little sassy, always willing to catch your eye and smile. What changed? One day I discovered I was queen of my own particular universe by inviting the

Duchess of Nothing over for tea...

Mermaid Self

Romantic Notions Series
"Mermaid Self"
Hand watercolored design
copyright kgr 2003

Menu

Mourning my past relationships

Is like

Mourning my last meal

I'm hungry

And all I can think about

Is that last dessert

Even though

It gave me

Heart burn

How to turn my thoughts

To what could possibly be

On the next

Menu

Thoughts on Work & Play

Work is love made visible - Anon.

"The best part about being self-employed is you get to choose your OWN eighty hours a week."- Random joke

As I self-employed person, let alone as a single mom, I have to choose between working all the time or playing at my work. I choose play. Everyday I find myself changing my language - I play with my clients, I play on my computer, I play in the garden, I even play house. And yes, I play with money...


Everything in my house is painted - "People with no TV, what should we paint tonight?" From murals on the walls to the glass on the kitchen cabinets, every light fixture to the toilet in the guest bathroom, everything is decorated in one form or another. Gunilla Norris says,

Ah, time to dust again
Time to appreciate by touch
what I love and cherish
The most...

I put glitter on the handle of the feather duster, anoint the scared ostrich feathers (a royal and regal bird) with essential oils, blessing my house as I wave my "fairy duster". All the windows are open, music is on the stereo, the creation of order feels joyous despite routine. This is the everyday work of being a priestess in her temple.

Everything has a sticker on it. I despise brand names and conspire to change my universe to reflect my reality. Even the "anti aging wrinkle cream" becomes "Smooth on Good Boundaries Today" with the help of a decal of Durga and a sharpie. I buy pretty paper to print all my office forms, decorating my checkbook as the Sacred Record Keeper of Perpetual Abundance.

Each day I play on the computer - I create websites, blogs, Tweets and Facebook posts, striving to inspire an unknown audience to hear the cosmic giggles of celestial encouragement pouring down from the stars. It is so different from old school advertising, but this form of using social networks for playful marketing keeps my schedule booked well in advance and makes me happy.

I play with my persona, with my image and my looks, and I encourage others to do likewise. I ran into an old friend who exclaimed, "You look completely different!" Thank gawd, I thought, because you look exactly the same. One of the most important things I do is to give myself permission, to be my authentic self, tattoos and all.

I play with energy - whether doing a tarot reading or an astrology chart, leading a guided meditation or channelling reiki. My business is called Tools for Transformation but really, it could be called Toys for Transformation. I work at playing and play at work, and I feel blessed to practice happiness, to play at being me, every single day.

Blessed be.

Vintage

As I grow older and more mature, 
I appreciate the finer things in life - 

Red wines, aged cheeses, 
Antique candle holders and broken down old barns. 

I savor the time it takes to craft -

  I experience the richness of patience paying off.

While I find my plate is less full, 

My bites somehow smaller, 

My life is bursting with a zest and vitality 

I have never experienced before. 

I welcome new flavors and savor familiar delights

I enjoy sharing my abundant life with friends and family

In the most simplest of ways.

Blessed Be.