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It's 8:08 on 08/08/08!
It's 8:08 on 08/08/08!
August 8, 2008
Thoughts on Online Dating
My dad surprised me last year by gifting me with a laptop. "'Chela," he says, in his Italian accent, "You know, you are a professional now - and you need professional tools."
Tools? How about TOYS!
Wow, I finally get it, at the ripe age of 41, how fun the net can be. Take a moment to consider that I am this radical feminist, crunchy granola, hippie dippie chick living in Santa Cruz, who hasn't watched TV in almost 11 years, and finally got her first cell phone. I am actually quite computer savvy, using the ones at work, but I have been technologically reluctant for years, to say the least.
I kinda just tinkered around at first, but after a couple of months I become addicted to Best of Craigs List. It was like waking up laughing every morning, but it sucked the time right out of my clock, and I finally had to limit myself to reading 10 posts a day, until I had read all of them. It's a good thing Post Secret is weekly - but I avoid the comments page or it could become daily.
I had always felt cynical about online dating, but of course, still checked the basics. First I did the mainstream: Match, Yahoo, Craigs. I went more queer for awhile, then became more risque, checking out alternative adult sites. Let's make that a hippie dippie kinky chick. Then I was over sex sites & "got serious" with some pagan & eHarmony type sites.
Much to my delight, I did find my true love on line - blogging - so maybe online dating has it's place. On one site, after receiving literally 10,000 hits on my profile, 7,000 hits on my blog, some crazy ass amount of emails (400?) from lonely men (which I faithfully answered, even if just to wish them good luck), a dozen excellent emails from women (with whom I'm still corresponding) my ego felt huge. What an endorphin rush! At the peak of my madness I had five or six different blogs, let alone commenting on 10-12 blogs per day, literally spending hours on the computer, until I developed bloggers elbow. I kid you not. It was painful. But dang, I loved the mental connection.
In real time, I went out with a couple of women, three men, and had one complete no-show (but a great day ice-skating in San Jose). What I really learned was how many lonely people are out there - and that we all need companionship, intimacy & affection. One of my affirmations: I am here to give love and I am here to receive love.
Thoughts create reality, but the internet projects those thoughts a thousand fold. I'm over the dating sites and I've deleted all my profiles, all my past blogs, though I'm sure they're archived somewhere in the blogosphere. Hopefully they'll make someone smile a thousand years in the future. While I definitely met someone special on the internet, I know myself, and it'll be awhile before I fish in those waters again.
Instead I spend my online time working on my business, joining LinkedIn (which has been a fun experiment), now using ConstantContact for my emails, or my own websites, like Rambling Rose Studios. I have more Herland memoribilia I plan on posting soon. I was recently invited to join FaceBook and Classmates, and have the same endorphin rush reconnecting from folks from my past, including old loves I thought would never speak to me again. Time really does heal all wounds.
What I enjoyed about dating sites was creating a profile - of defining who I am, what I'm looking for, etc., as well as blogging, feeling that part of the community - hence being on Blogger. While I haven't joined blogaholics anonymous yet ( I am powerless before the blog) I am following a path of online moderation, and now just have two that I still post on daily Enchanted World and it's little sister, Cruzio's mini blog: Tendrils of Belief.
So, I love my laptop, I love blogging, and I love feeling connected. That's what I've learned from online dating. And I give myself (you know it): Gold Star.
Blessed be.
Tools? How about TOYS!
Wow, I finally get it, at the ripe age of 41, how fun the net can be. Take a moment to consider that I am this radical feminist, crunchy granola, hippie dippie chick living in Santa Cruz, who hasn't watched TV in almost 11 years, and finally got her first cell phone. I am actually quite computer savvy, using the ones at work, but I have been technologically reluctant for years, to say the least.
I kinda just tinkered around at first, but after a couple of months I become addicted to Best of Craigs List. It was like waking up laughing every morning, but it sucked the time right out of my clock, and I finally had to limit myself to reading 10 posts a day, until I had read all of them. It's a good thing Post Secret is weekly - but I avoid the comments page or it could become daily.
I had always felt cynical about online dating, but of course, still checked the basics. First I did the mainstream: Match, Yahoo, Craigs. I went more queer for awhile, then became more risque, checking out alternative adult sites. Let's make that a hippie dippie kinky chick. Then I was over sex sites & "got serious" with some pagan & eHarmony type sites.
Much to my delight, I did find my true love on line - blogging - so maybe online dating has it's place. On one site, after receiving literally 10,000 hits on my profile, 7,000 hits on my blog, some crazy ass amount of emails (400?) from lonely men (which I faithfully answered, even if just to wish them good luck), a dozen excellent emails from women (with whom I'm still corresponding) my ego felt huge. What an endorphin rush! At the peak of my madness I had five or six different blogs, let alone commenting on 10-12 blogs per day, literally spending hours on the computer, until I developed bloggers elbow. I kid you not. It was painful. But dang, I loved the mental connection.
In real time, I went out with a couple of women, three men, and had one complete no-show (but a great day ice-skating in San Jose). What I really learned was how many lonely people are out there - and that we all need companionship, intimacy & affection. One of my affirmations: I am here to give love and I am here to receive love.
Thoughts create reality, but the internet projects those thoughts a thousand fold. I'm over the dating sites and I've deleted all my profiles, all my past blogs, though I'm sure they're archived somewhere in the blogosphere. Hopefully they'll make someone smile a thousand years in the future. While I definitely met someone special on the internet, I know myself, and it'll be awhile before I fish in those waters again.
Instead I spend my online time working on my business, joining LinkedIn (which has been a fun experiment), now using ConstantContact for my emails, or my own websites, like Rambling Rose Studios. I have more Herland memoribilia I plan on posting soon. I was recently invited to join FaceBook and Classmates, and have the same endorphin rush reconnecting from folks from my past, including old loves I thought would never speak to me again. Time really does heal all wounds.
What I enjoyed about dating sites was creating a profile - of defining who I am, what I'm looking for, etc., as well as blogging, feeling that part of the community - hence being on Blogger. While I haven't joined blogaholics anonymous yet ( I am powerless before the blog) I am following a path of online moderation, and now just have two that I still post on daily Enchanted World and it's little sister, Cruzio's mini blog: Tendrils of Belief.
So, I love my laptop, I love blogging, and I love feeling connected. That's what I've learned from online dating. And I give myself (you know it): Gold Star.
Blessed be.
August 6, 2008
Deathaversaries
Today is one of my deathaversaries. Do you have those? They're not anniversaries, where you celebrate another year accomplished. Instead, they're the days where you say, "We would have been together x amount of years today..."
Deathaversaries note of course physical deaths, but also the more intangibles - buy outs, divorces, disappointments. I was always aware that my wedding day was on Hiroshima day, and we dedicated the day to peace by affirming our small act of love in the face of such huge destruction. Later, we broke up on Hong Kong's Independence day - I always thought of it as a time where I too, would no longer feel colonized.
What is my petty problems compared to the bombings of Nagasaki & Hiroshima? I sit and fold a peace crane, creasing the floral paper carefully, concentrating on aligning corners and creating sharp edges. I know in this moment I am doing the best I can, and my only prayer today is, "Let peace begin with me."
Deathaversaries note of course physical deaths, but also the more intangibles - buy outs, divorces, disappointments. I was always aware that my wedding day was on Hiroshima day, and we dedicated the day to peace by affirming our small act of love in the face of such huge destruction. Later, we broke up on Hong Kong's Independence day - I always thought of it as a time where I too, would no longer feel colonized.
What is my petty problems compared to the bombings of Nagasaki & Hiroshima? I sit and fold a peace crane, creasing the floral paper carefully, concentrating on aligning corners and creating sharp edges. I know in this moment I am doing the best I can, and my only prayer today is, "Let peace begin with me."
August 5, 2008
It's in Your Hands
In these hands be ceaseless action
Bringing me wealth & satisfaction
-Asterius
-Asterius
Today I received a hand analysis by life coach Denise Diani-Friedman. As an astrologer, it was trippy to me how much it corresponded to not just my natal chart, but my current transits. Quite simply, I am in my Uranus opposition, otherwise known as the mid life crisis. And I have been crying, "Isis! Isis! Queen Mother of all Nurtures, hear my cries!"
I am questioning everything, and feeling tested on all sides. I feel in a fog, and again in the simplest terms lost. "Well, K," I say to my self, since it's only me here anyway, "Get a map. Get a guide. Set your intentions. Find your stride."
Much like any tarot reading, or astrology reading for that matter, Denise didn't tell me anything new - she just affirmed what I already know, but it was so good to hear it from another perspective, another view point. She had a great tree chart, complete with life lesson, life purpose, and transformational path. It was really interesting, and I highly recommend her services.I discovered I have a peacock in my moon and a star in my Neptune. But what was most interesting to me, was on one hand (literally), out in the world, I am Big Heart - "Let me be the one to care for you", whether I am the master or the student, well, let's just say it fluctuates between nurturer & burn out from giving too much. Life lesson, you know...
On the other hand, in my inner world, I am the Hermit (Heroic/Stoic), summarized by "The commitment/freedom conflict; may put off making a decision because s/he doesn't want to lose freedom of choice and knows when a commitment is made, it will be kept." Sound familiar to anyone else?
So what am I right doing now? Bringing my hands together in prayer, mapping my future & charting my destiny. I know my happiness is in my own two hands.
August 2, 2008
Today's Affirmation
I am here to give Love
I am here to receive Love
Happy Lammas!
July 30, 2008
.
My daughter just got her first period!
Wow!
I remember Nikki Mardigras was the first girl in the sixth grade to get hers, and my first thought was, "Wow, now she could get pregnant." I would watch her from across the room in some unknown terror, as if just thinking about it could somehow knock her up.
I remember mine - not pretty. I had just moved back to America in January of Ninth grade, when I was 15. I bled so hard I left a puddle on the chair in French class. I remember the metallic smell. I had never been so embarrassed in my life. I had the worst cramps, to the point of being prescribed codeine, which I discovered I'm allergic to. Barfing & cramping is not a winning combination.
So now my daughter gets hers, and I think, "Wow, I could be a Grandmother!"
July 26, 2008
Fresh start
At 7:30 this morning, I walked in to Coffeetopia for my daily cup o' joe. When I got to the counter, the big urn had just run out. "Just a minute" said my favorite barrista, deftly popping on a fresh batch in it's stainless steel container on the hot plate.
I meandered over to the condiments bar - this time the half & half was out. "Wow. Looks like my day to run out." I thought to myself. Immediately I caught my own negative thinking - what a way to sabotage my whole day, starting this early in the morning!
I plopped the pitcher on the counter and smiled over at the staff for a refill. I waited as he pulled the chilled creamer from the fridge. I said, "Looks like my day for a fresh start!"
Remember, don't accept the dregs of life - wait for the freshness instead!
I meandered over to the condiments bar - this time the half & half was out. "Wow. Looks like my day to run out." I thought to myself. Immediately I caught my own negative thinking - what a way to sabotage my whole day, starting this early in the morning!
I plopped the pitcher on the counter and smiled over at the staff for a refill. I waited as he pulled the chilled creamer from the fridge. I said, "Looks like my day for a fresh start!"
Remember, don't accept the dregs of life - wait for the freshness instead!
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