Deathaversaries

Today is one of my deathaversaries. Do you have those? They're not anniversaries, where you celebrate another year accomplished. Instead, they're the days where you say, "We would have been together x amount of years today..."

Deathaversaries note of course physical deaths, but also the more intangibles - buy outs, divorces, disappointments. I was always aware that my wedding day was on Hiroshima day, and we dedicated the day to peace by affirming our small act of love in the face of such huge destruction. Later, we broke up on Hong Kong's Independence day - I always thought of it as a time where I too, would no longer feel colonized.

What is my petty problems compared to the bombings of Nagasaki & Hiroshima? I sit and fold a peace crane, creasing the floral paper carefully, concentrating on aligning corners and creating sharp edges. I know in this moment I am doing the best I can, and my only prayer today is, "Let peace begin with me."

It's in Your Hands

In these hands be ceaseless action

Bringing me wealth & satisfaction
-Asterius

Today I received a hand analysis by life coach Denise Diani-Friedman. As an astrologer, it was trippy to me how much it corresponded to not just my natal chart, but my current transits. Quite simply, I am in my Uranus opposition, otherwise known as the mid life crisis. And I have been crying, "Isis! Isis! Queen Mother of all Nurtures, hear my cries!"

I am questioning everything, and feeling tested on all sides. I feel in a fog, and again in the simplest terms lost. "Well, K," I say to my self, since it's only me here anyway, "Get a map. Get a guide. Set your intentions. Find your stride."
Much like any tarot reading, or astrology reading for that matter, Denise didn't tell me anything new - she just affirmed what I already know, but it was so good to hear it from another perspective, another view point. She had a great tree chart, complete with life lesson, life purpose, and transformational path. It was really interesting, and I highly recommend her services.

I discovered I have a peacock in my moon and a star in my Neptune. But what was most interesting to me, was on one hand (literally), out in the world, I am Big Heart - "Let me be the one to care for you", whether I am the master or the student, well, let's just say it fluctuates between nurturer & burn out from giving too much. Life lesson, you know...

On the other hand, in my inner world, I am the Hermit (Heroic/Stoic), summarized by "The commitment/freedom conflict; may put off making a decision because s/he doesn't want to lose freedom of choice and knows when a commitment is made, it will be kept." Sound familiar to anyone else?

So what am I right doing now? Bringing my hands together in prayer, mapping my future & charting my destiny. I know my happiness is in my own two hands.

Today's Affirmation

I am Balanced in my Heart:

I am here to give Love


I am here to receive Love

Happy Lammas!

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My daughter just got her first period!

Wow!

I remember Nikki Mardigras was the first girl in the sixth grade to get hers, and my first thought was, "Wow, now she could get pregnant." I would watch her from across the room in some unknown terror, as if just thinking about it could somehow knock her up.

I remember mine - not pretty. I had just moved back to America in January of Ninth grade, when I was 15. I bled so hard I left a puddle on the chair in French class. I remember the metallic smell. I had never been so embarrassed in my life. I had the worst cramps, to the point of being prescribed codeine, which I discovered I'm allergic to. Barfing & cramping is not a winning combination.

So now my daughter gets hers, and I think, "Wow, I could be a Grandmother!"

Fresh start

At 7:30 this morning, I walked in to Coffeetopia for my daily cup o' joe. When I got to the counter, the big urn had just run out. "Just a minute" said my favorite barrista, deftly popping on a fresh batch in it's stainless steel container on the hot plate.
I meandered over to the condiments bar - this time the half & half was out. "Wow. Looks like my day to run out." I thought to myself. Immediately I caught my own negative thinking - what a way to sabotage my whole day, starting this early in the morning!

I plopped the pitcher on the counter and smiled over at the staff for a refill. I waited as he pulled the chilled creamer from the fridge. I said, "Looks like my day for a fresh start!"

Remember, don't accept the dregs of life - wait for the freshness instead!

Dragonfly Faery

Romantic Notions Series
"Dragonfly Faery"
Hand watercolored design
copyright kgr 2003

Skunk Medicine

Last night I went downstairs to get a glass of wine after finishing my presentation for this evening. There, on the deck, calmly eating the cat food, was a big black and white skunk. "Hmm," I thought to myself, "In the Medicine Cards, skunk represents attract what you need in order to grow."

My littlest kitten ran out, sniffed noses with my new friend, and promptly was greeted with a ripe behind, tail a twitching. While she didn't get sprayed, the smell has been lingering over the back deck.

I breathe deep, imagining PePe le Pew in all of his romantic conquests, wondering what will happen next...