Ways I Play

I play with my body

I play with my hair

I play with my clothes

And buy frilly underwear

Sometimes she's pleasant

Sometimes she's wild

I really love to play

With my inner child

We go to the boardwalk

Where the lights go blinky-blinky

Only once in my life

Did I eat a deep-fried Twinkie

Sometimes I'm alone

Sometimes I'm with a friend

One of the best places to play

Is in my very own garden

In my house, I hang beaded crystals

And softly paint all the walls

I like to play with lots of colors

And create murals in the halls

When thinking upon

The deeper facts

whom I play with the most

Is probably the cats

I have a great housemate

She's full of great cheer

We play dominoes together

While sipping organic beer

I like backgammon and Sorry

Crazy Eights and Pictionary

Scrabble and Othello

But I suck at kareoke

There's seasons of softball

You should see me at the plate

But I really love my Zumba

And of course, to rollerskate

I love to play with my clients

By looking at the stars

I's a different kind of game

Meditating on Tarot cards

I like to play with my lover

And whatever makes us feel sexy

Whether it's leather or lace

Or just sharing a new fantasy

Blogging has become

Quite the occupation

I really seem to enjoy

The virtual in conversation

Poems and pictures

I play with my pencils

Cutting, gluing, pasting

Collaging in my journals

Now sometimes there's days

I don't want to get out of bed

Those are the times

I've been playing with my head

And there's one game

My heart has been hating

Those lessons learned

From online dating

Everyday I play on Facebook

I love my little farm

With it's sheep and trees and fields

And it's own little virtual barn

On full moons I play with the cosmos

She fills me with delights

When I play with my soul

I get filled with insights

While I take myself seriously

I do have to say

I find time in the little things

To always experience some play.

My Body Knows

My body knows things my brain has no idea about.

My body knows how to dance salsa. My body knows how to Zumba. My body knows how to keep another student in the mirror so it can follow the steps. My body knows how to keep the beat. My body knows how to 3 step and chacha, merengue and cumbia, but it still struggles with samba.

My body knows how to heal. How to create antibodies and hormones, new muscle fibers and red platelets. My body knows how to send energy to where I need it most. My body knows how to send me messages so I can take care of myself - When to sleep, when to eat, when not to push send on that email. My body never lies. My body knows how to live in truth and integrity, how to respond and when to react. My body knows how it feels, and my body knows to trust my gut.

My feet tell me when it is going to rain. My knees let me know when I should take omega 3s. Like Shakira, my hips don't lie, and I've learned when to keep my big girl panties on. My stomach is a barometer, my liver a geiger counter. My heart is easily fooled, but only because it is so trusting, so willing to be loved, but still it knows better than my brain my deepest desires. The pain in my shoulder blades tells me when I've overextended myself more immediately than any bank notice. The bounce in my stride lets me know I'm on top of the world again. My lips have known the truth and my eyes have looked into the depths of eternity. My ears have heard my lover's sighs and my baby's cries. My body has tasted ambrosia in the simplest home-made meal, felt the deepest peace in sharing a bench at sunset.

My body knows much more than I give it credit for. Blessed be this body.

Decomposed

He married me, and I began to decompose. Here was all the bullshit, all the manure, piled up inside of me. Bit by bit, I began to rot—my stomach had ulcers and acid reflux ran wild. Longing to stay intoxicated in this toxic relationship, I began to drink more and more, pickling my brain into more mush. I cared less and less, the flotsam and jetsam of my life like oily seaweed on a Jersey shore.

Finally, only fit to feed the worms and grubs, I lay down on the earth and sobbed out my heart's lament, my deep discontent, my deepest regret. As my body returned to soil, at last I felt grounded again. A seed of hope began to grow in my chest—seed of release, seed of peace—the seed thought quite simply known as divorce.

You Would Scarcely Believe It

You would scarcely believe it to look at me now, but once I was the shyest person on earth. Smaller than anyone else in the classroom, quieter than the proverbial mouse, once I existed as a shadow at best. Once I only disappeared, was never heard, and certainly never laughed out loud.

Now I am bold and brassy, and certainly a little sassy, always willing to catch your eye and smile. What changed? One day I discovered I was queen of my own particular universe by inviting the

Duchess of Nothing over for tea...