Spinning Plates

Mercury seemed to go direct with a bang last week. In Aquarius, so traveling through my seventh house of relationships, and I ask myself, what have I learned and how do I apply what I have learned, as certainly I am feeling tested now.

My 24 year old house mate had a medicinal abortion last weekend. We blessed the pills before she swallowed the tabs, praying for an easy passage and a swift return to health. The day was spent monitoring her bleeding, cramps and nausea. We went for second vaginal ultrasound yesterday, getting the proverbial all clear.

My 32 year old soul sister showed up unexpectedly at the same time, in crisis over her deep urge to have a baby and her partner’s current ambivalence. We drove up and down the cliffs while she sobbed her heart out; I spoke my truths, advocated for her partner and in particular for his child, listened & offered sisterly advice. While some discussion has since ensued between them, it has been a long week of un satisfying phone conversations, and they still have much work ahead of them.

My kid is sick with a stomach bug, and I worry at the dark circles under her eyes. I always wonder what is really going on in her heart and mind. My therapist says she’s too busy growing up right now to process the crisis of the last year, and that later, in her twenties she’ll look back at this time. Sigh. Five more bucks in therapy jar.

I find myself in my usual pattern of running away to work, where I find solace in keeping the post it notes in order, archiving files, and creating more efficient lists. It’s nice to have an area where I feel in control, even if it’s just sorting the tacks from the paper clips. Chaos to order. Chaos to order.

I’m not completely compulsive-obsessive, and actually have been productive in my workaholic binge, mailing out fliers, updating records, doing my taxes, clearing my desk, making way for prosperity. In reviewing my past relationships I have come across a ton of old Herland material, which I’ll continue posting on the herlandbabes blog.

I was diagnosis with depression at fifteen—which runs in my family—a label I try hard not live up to. At this point I feel I have narrowed it down to feeling S.A.D - Seasonal Affective Disorder - and instead of 365 days of the year, I get depressed for 28, 29 on leap years. Yes, I am talking about February. Everyone who really knows me knows that I have a terrible time in February, and do everything I can to wait out the storm.

St. John’s Wort, allowing myself tons of sleep (12-14 hours) and living in sunny California have literally saved me from suicide or prozac. Meditating, masturbating, eating whatever I want to and when I want to, blogging, and processing my feelings with my close friends have all been beneficial to my mental well being. I have been doing acupuncture weekly to combat my left over bronchitis; chiropractic and  massage on a monthly maintenance schedule (Amber too); and quite simply, both self hypnoisis and reiki have changed my world.

And while this has easily been one of my best years ever, I can’t wait for this day to be over. Understand, in Santa Cruz, March 1 means Spring. Which, in California means Summer. Sure, it will rain some more and be blustery here and there, but it will be lighter later in the evenings, the buds will be blooming, and hot days will start outnumber the cold. I’ll want to exercise my body again, work in the garden, be social, and generally emerge from hibernating in my cave. And for next eleven months I’ll be in paradise, with another February behind me for a whole year.

Blessed Be.

Thoughts on Gandhi

We all know that Gandhi was a peaceful visionary who led a simple life. What some folks don’t know is what were some of the effects from his chosen lifestyle. For example, he walked barefoot, and his feet were often sore, despite toughening up. He ate little and a vegan diet, which caused him not only to feel weak at times, but also to have kinda bad breath. In essence, you could say that Gandhi was

A super calloused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis...

Thoughts on the Presidency

It was a Saturday, Inauguration day, and my five year old and I were out for pizza downtown. “Look, Mom!” Amber cried excitedly, “Puppets!” Indeed, huge puppets of George Bush, along with papier-maché missiles, were being carried by protesters as they walked down Pacific. We quickly followed the parade to the town clock, where I tried to explain how every one there was angry at the people in power for putting money into armaments instead of education and health care. For the rest of the day she would ask me, “Momma, can you tell me more about missiles?”

Recently in an interview I was asked how did I plan on teaching my child about gender. Gender? How am I going to teach her about war? That day I tried as gently as I could to tell her about greed, and hatred, and killing, and testing bombs underneath mother earth…And I also talked about anger, and rage, and activism, and hope…

It is one thing to have your child ask about an atrocity, it is another when she asks you what you are doing about it. In the time of Georgie Porgie eroding women’s rights faster than you can say “Oh, Fuck!”, it is a gratifying experience to do some small political act like opening the doors of Herland everyday, and feeling that I serve a purpose. Blessed Be. (2001)

Boundaries

Boundaries. They are good. Use them. Here’s what our Goddess Oracle has to say, “Durga (Hindu goddess of boundaries) is here to assist you in nurturing wholeness by creating and fixing the limits of your physical space. Establishing clear boundaries is an act of self-love. Having no boundaries gives others the message that you are limitless and want to be treated in a limitless way... Durga says that boundaries are vital because they let others now who you are and where you stand.”

Chakra Balancing Meditation

I am balanced in my mind.

I am focused and engaged in creative and productive ways.

I am balanced in my vision.
I allow myself to dream and I follow through on my ideas.

I am balanced in my communication.
I listen attentively and I speak my truth compassionately.

I am balanced in my heart.
I am here to give love and I am here to receive love.

I am balanced in my belly.
I am beauty and I am laughter.

I am balanced in my boundaries.
I take in what I need and I let go of what no longer serves me.

I am balanced at the root of my being.
I attract what I need to grow and I fulfill all my desires.

Blessed Be.

Today's random piece of advice

Never sleep with anyone
crazier
than yourself

From the mouths of babes...

I asked my daughter if she thought that in the future, people would get little microchip implants that would transmit your thoughts directly into somebody else's head.

"Nah," she drawled, "People love the sound of their own voice too much!"

A Few Haikus

The grass is greener
in both the verdant future
and the past meadow.

In the pointing out
of the obvious, one's own
self doubts are revealed.

Listening to you
all I keep coming back to
I'm simply complex.

Yes, I do need another hole in my head...

I first got my earlobes pierced in 5th grade, when I was living in Luxembourg, of all places. It was 1976, punk was just blooming, mohawks were sprouting, and "splitting a pair" became the new bonding ritual.

By the time I started boarding school in England in the 7th grade, I already had five holes. I moved to America in 9th grade, when my brother got a hold of a piercing gun, and suddenly I had seven.

I pierced my nose (by myself, which I do not recommend) my second day in California, at the ripe age of twenty. Much later, when I owned my bookstore, we provided ear piercing services. Each new employee would need training, and I always had space, so over time I had a few more.

On my daughter's tenth birthday, after a treasure hunt filled with delicious clues & discovered jewels, I pierced both her ears & she pierced one of mine. Mother-daughter bonding at it's best, at least until we get matching tattoos.

Once I put a syringe needle all the way through my finger while giving my boyfriend his testosterone shot. I thought it would make an interesting piercing, albeit impractical.

I now have 12 in my left ear, 4 in the right, my nose pierced twice, and my labia once (that's another story). I let my nipple piercing close up after a year of never healing. I really do recommend going to a professional piercer who uses a needle over a piercing gun for anything other then your tender little lobes...

How many piercings do you have?

DAMN! I hate it when...

 My reality check
BOUNCES!

Recycled Valentine

Valentine for Romeo

It was a Sunday afternoon
After we had just first kissed
I felt that I could name
What is was that I missed
But still I felt afraid, I felt confused
Although that’s when I first knew
That I loved you

It was a moonlit night
And you were fast asleep
I reached to touch your lashes
My fingers brushed your cheek
I hoped that in your dreams
You could somehow hear
The words I longed to say
As I whispered in your ear
That I loved you

It was a bright October day
As we cruised along the coastline
Sitting on the back of your bike
I was feeling just fine
My hands were warm in your pockets
I was feeling quite proud
The roar of the wind made it safe
For me to practice saying out loud
That I loved you

Your smile lit up my world
But for so long I felt broken inside
I didn't know what to believe
I felt scared, I felt shy
But you touched me so tender and deep
I thought about you night and day
I felt a return of happiness and
I wanted to tell you in a thousand ways
That I loved you

You held me all through the night
You kissed away my tears
Your kindness gave me courage
Your patience dispels ,my fears
Now all I want to do, all I want to say
Is to hold you close each 7 every day
And to tell you in a voice loud and true
I love you, I love you
I love you...

February 1998

Been a little tied up lately...

I feel like I've been missing my blogdom. I was pretty gosh darn sick with the flu for quite awhile - but at least in my fevered state the desire for Brie & jello percolated in my frying brain cells and launched my blogging career on another site. Ask me about it over a beer sometime.

I have been busy creating a website for the office, as well as designing both a flyer for our lecture series and a brochure for our collective. Since I am a frustrated graphic designer at heart, many happy hours have been immersed in aligning texts, uploading photo's and scrutinizing punctuation marks. I look forward to mailing out my little creations, as I feel quite proud of my current office geek accomplishments.

Amber decided to make me a treasure hunt to cheer me up. She chose words as clues that led me around the house to discover a trove of antique buttons. Each room had it's own theme, but by far my favorite led right upstairs to my computer, with the single word: "Blog".

What are you doing to keep your spirits up?

The Day After the Elections

Today is the day after elections... I vote for more love, how about you?

There were several propositions - I voted YES on more laughter, YES on more fun and more spirituality. YES on health, YES on communication, YES on more sex and celebrating sexuality.

I voted NO on repeating old patterns, NO on being stuck in a rut, NO on depression and boredom.

I also voted:

Annie Sprinkle for President
and Starhawk for Vice President
and Megan McElroy for Senator
and Melissa Ferrick for Representative
Laurie Anderson for Governor
and Amber Rose for Mayor...

I vote for more love, and the tide will turn....